And Release.

June 17, 2013

Do you want me to stop? I blinked away the tears that seared the corners of my eyes. No, let’s keep going. Are you sure, we have a whole hour, you know. You can stop, collect yourself… No, I don’t want to stop. Okay, we’ll keep going, just remember to breath. In inhaled sharply, letting […]

Read the full article →

Oh Shit! The Last Minute Father’s Day Gift Guide

June 12, 2013

Hey guess what? This Sunday is Father’s Day. Yeah, I didn’t remember, either. So what were you thinking? Maybe a monogrammed laptop bag? A rustic leather man bracelet personalized with the kids names? Good ideas! You should remember those for next year when you have a chance in hell of receiving any of those things […]

Read the full article →

Congratulations, Graduate!

June 10, 2013

It’s that time of year. The time, before heading off to the graduation parties of relatives that were young, like, four seconds ago, and I sit there holding a foam plate of pasta salad mentally doing the math on just how fucking old I am now and how fucking long it’s been since I’ve graduated […]

Read the full article →

The Mini Skirt

June 4, 2013

Mindy Kaling does this thing I love, get ready, because it’s groundbreaking… She wears mini skirts and she tucks her shirt in. Which is, in chubby Brittanyland, a mind blowing concept. I mean, my grandma always told me to tuck my shirt in, but she was old and didn’t know who Shanice was at the […]

Read the full article →

The Summer Chubby Arm Shuffle

May 30, 2013

It’s June and you’re off to your friend’s wedding. It’s, like, 90 degrees out, so you put on your favorite tank top or sundress, grab your keys, and just before you walk out the door, you slip on your trusty cardigan. Because it’s summer and you’re wearing a sweater. You rationalize it like, dude, I’m […]

Read the full article →

Toothless Kid Problems

May 29, 2013

A few weeks ago, Jude lost his front teeth. It was very dramatic, in that, he wouldn’t pull them out and insisted that no one touch them whilst they hang there by a single vein making us all collectively barf our faces off every time he spoke to us. Then they fell out and I […]

Read the full article →

As It Stands

May 23, 2013

I keep meaning to say more about things. I have conversation ADD. Hey I bumped an old person with my car… oh look! Cool Ranch Dorito Tacos! Plus, I’m like day 3 into a fight with Andy that he has no idea we are having. I’m irritated as hell over his ambivalence, but he seems […]

Read the full article →

The Evolution of Spectacle Love

May 20, 2013

When I was in second grade, the school nurse called my parents in for a meeting. I sat outside the infirmary, but the door was cracked enough for me to hear her tell my parents how concerned she was because she’d witnessed me squinting in the library. Except when she said “squinting” I thought she […]

Read the full article →

School’s Out. ALREADY!?

May 17, 2013

This morning I got up and looked at the school calendar, as I am wont to do two hours before the start of school, and I exhaled a sigh of relief that I didn’t have to come up with snack for twenty kids. Last month I sent Wyatt to class with a bag full of […]

Read the full article →

Mermaid Hair

May 14, 2013

Curvy girls have great hair. At least I do. I mean, for so long, it was my only redeeming quality. Well, at least she has great hair…. It’s the “but she’s got such a pretty face” of comments. Whatever, cute hair totally made women’s denim colored stretch slacks acceptable in junior high. I have gotten […]

Read the full article →