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Okay, two important things.

First, there is no tea in a Long Island Iced Tea. 

Why is this something no one talks about?

Second, I don’t know why I have been operating under the assumption that this was some sort of frilly light drink, because hand to God, these things will fuck shit up. 

There is a restaurant here named Local Thyme, and they make the best Long Island Iced Teas. They are so strong that if I drink two, I forget what I ate for dinner. 

Seriously, I jerk awake the next morning in the make-up and clothes I fell asleep in. 

“Oh my God, what did I even-”

“You ate a cheeseburger and wedge fries, and I tried to get your pajamas on, but you told me you needed your jeans on in case you had a nightmare and needed to run.” Andy moaned before rolling over and falling back asleep. 

Who can even run in jeans, you guys? 

People who drink Long Island Iced Teas, that’s who. 

As spring creeps in, I am in full summer drink, sit outside, grill all the food, mode. As such, I decided to make a pitcher of Long Islands and invite some friends over for a shrimp boil (Lent life, y’all).

Finding a recipe was not easy because I don’t really enjoy gin (I hate it, sorry), and I’m really bad a bar math. 

Ounces? Liters? I have measuring cups and some teaspoon things, how about ya meet me where I’m at?

I wanted a delicious recipe that was easy to measure out into a pitcher. After some trial and (hungover) error, I think I got it. 

I went into this drink with the assumption that is was iced tea with some tequila or something tossed in. 

Wrong, it’s not tequila, it’s the whole bar. 

Tequila, Vodka, Triple Sec, White Rum, Sweet & Sour Mix, and some Cokes. 

And then what you do with it, you pour it all into a pitcher. 

It’s literally like a garbage can of all the liquors, with a little Coke on top so you don’t die.

It’s deceptively the strongest thing I’ve ever put into my mouth. 

After some trial and error, I have found that this tastes the most like tea (and not violent hell fire) when I make my drink 2 parts Coke to one part pitcher of liquor. 

And then I put a lemon on there so it looks like I’m drinking tea, and not something that will make me forget to pull my pants back up after going to the bathroom. 


If you like this, you should try my crazy strong margaritas! 

Long Island Iced Tea

Long Island Iced Tea

Yield: 1 Pitcher, Serves 10
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 10 minutes

This gin-free Long Island Iced Tea recipe is incredibly easy and incredibly strong. This recipe is for a pitcher of Long Islands. You've been warned.


  • 3 cups Sweet & Sour Mix
  • 1 cup Vodka
  • 1 cup White Rum
  • 1 cup Tequila
  • 1 cup Triple Sec
  • Coca Cola
  • Lemon, sliced (optional)


  1. Combine Sweet & Sour mix and all liquors into a pitcher or large bowl, stir to mix.
  2. Serve in a glass over ice, and top with Coke. (I prefer a 2:1 ratio of Coke and Liquor)
  3. Garnish with lemon wedge.

Did you make this recipe?

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