He didn't have a chance, really. Andy woke up to a fight he didn't know he was in at first, and by 10am I was officially mad at him for everything he's ever done in our 24 years together. There's so much pressure to be happily in love on Valentine's Day. Every Facebook and Instagram [...]
Note: First, This post contains graphic imagery. If surgical photos make you queasy, this is not for you. Prior to seeing me in the recovery room, I firmly believe that Andy had no idea what was happening to me. "What's this totally elective, not at all serious thing my wife has gotten herself into this [...]
Dear Andy, I took these photos of you a couple weeks ago at Disney.It was when we were sitting along the water in Japan, and Wyatt was fucking around with that giant shaved iced he swore he'd eat all of, but it was the size of a newborn baby and melting all over him, and [...]
I remember being in junior high and kissing a boy on my friend’s bed for 3 hours. Three whole hours. No talking, just intense rhythmic french kissing. […]
I’ve been married to Andy for 10 years. If there is anything I learned from last year, our anniversaries come and go here with little pomp and circumstance. And we like it that way, because we’re tired and always forget to grab cheesy cards from the grocery store the night before. […]
Ladies, your husbands are emailing me. Repeatedly. You may or may not have any idea this is happening. It’s probably while you’re in the shower, or after you go to bed. Or maybe when you think they’re texting a co-worker on the couch, or in the bathroom on their iPads. […]
“You never call me anymore.” He said. “Yes I do!” “Um no, you don’t. It’s Wednesday and you haven’t called to bug me at work all week?” So, two things. One, he apparently only pretends to be annoyed with me, which only confirms my theory that my exasperating personality is a large part of my [...]
"8 and three dashes." "What?" "8 and three... yes three dashes." I hold three fingers up into the air as Andy and my brother Adam stare at me from the table saw positioned on the deck. "8 and three dashes." I yell at them again from the center of the dining room. "What the fuck [...]
Monday I rolled over in bed to come face to face with my little doll-faced cherub. I am keenly aware of the imaginary clock ticking above our heads, and our time of morning time girl snuggles are fleeting. I touched my finger to her warm little nose and she opened her heavy eyes, smiled softly, [...]
Someone just come over and put this damn Lunette menstrual cup inside me correctly. I don't have the will to figure it out, internet, I just don't. I tried youtube'ing it, but almost no one has a legitimate menstrual cup insertion video. They all puss out using champagne glasses or diagrams of the inside of [...]
