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208, 2019

Life After a Hysterectomy

August 2nd, 2019|2 Comments

Pedicures, shopping sprees, yoga, dinner with friends, general anesthesia…

You don’t really think of a massive organ purge as self-care, but I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong.

It has been 143 days since I’ve had a uterus, some fallopian tubes, my cervix, and my right ovary. 

But as The Weepies say, the world spins madly on.

Hysterectomies are one of those things that look gory and intense when they happen, but by the time you’re up and walking to the kitchen on your own, people assume you’re largely back to normal. 

(You aren’t.)

I know as women we often need reminded of this after we do stuff like have babies, get biopsies, or go to the hospital in any capacity, but this was a major medical event. Complete recovery can take 6 months or more, and in pure internet form, it’s also a journey that is largely under-discussed. 

I mean, sure, holding a pillow against my lower abdomen was helpful in the week or two after surgery when I coughed or sneezed, but what about months later when I’m crying in a restaurant because the instrumental version of Octopus Garden is playing, or when I’m walking through a store and have to grab myself when hit with a sudden lighting bolt shock to the crotch, and wtf are these phantom ovulation pains that keep happening?

It’s been five months since my hysterectomy and mid-urethral sling, and I’m still very much recovering, but I want to talk about what exactly that looks like. 

Where I am Physically:

Honestly, it took me a solid nine weeks to stick my finger inside of me. 

Blunt way to open, eh? But for real, like you wouldn’t be curious? 

To be fair, my urologist flat out told me that absolutely nothing could enter the Chamber of Secrets for a solid 9-12 weeks as my urethral sling healed. No licks, no dicks, no tampons sticks, I was repeatedly reminded in front of my mother.

I was anxious to peak around in there, as I have always had a very low sitting cervix, and during my period, it sat even lower, making menstrual cups a bitch to use, and sex sometimes painful. 

Now it’s just… empty? Not like, deserted 80’s mall empty, but just free of obstacles empty. Like, man this room would make a great office if not for all the boxes of VHS tapes and unused litter boxes […]


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