What’s more controversial than breastfeeding, circumcision or genocide?

Giant trampolines.

Yesterday we bought one, I say “we” because I was there, and since I didn’t lay down in front of the cart in the middle of Sam’s Club, I guess I allowed it to happen.

Andy has wanted one for a million years, and because he loves to live out his childhood fantasies vicariously through our children (A Day at Historic Williamsberg? Stupid, and no amount of penny candy or giant old fashioned jawbreakers could save it.), he bought one.

We stood in the aisle, and he was all, but they’ll love it, look at Gigi, look how excited she is, and she’s just looking at the box, it’s not even out of the box yet and it’s already the most amazing gift ever! And they both stared at me, biting their little lips, and drooping their sad little eyes, and I was like no, trampolines are death traps, sorry suckers.

But, Andy knows me. We pushed the cart around a bit more, he lubed me up with free samples of sausage, battered shrimp and OJ, and then he hit me with it. Just think of how much this will tire them out, they’ll probably take two naps a day and go to bed by 7pm with all that jumping.

Two naps and early to bed without a fight? I mean, sure, they’ll be in full body casts or wheelchairs, but think of all the me-time I’d be getting.

It took 5 hours to assemble, lots of screwing and stretching and weaving rope in and out. I felt like one of those old Chinese fisherman that weave nets all day and secretly know kung fu, but only use it when they need it, not for funsies.

We had it finished before the boys came home from school, and I spent forever explaining to Andy all the safety rules I wanted observed. No high jumps, or double jumps, or whatever jump Bela Karolyi made teeny tiny Kerri Strug do.

We went to pick the boys up, and sure, it was fun seeing them run out of the car, screaming and shocked at the mammoth structure in our backyard, and they jumped for hours. I assume, I actually went inside to relax and made Andy sit in a lawn chair next to the entrance without his ipad or his phone to distract him, and instructions to yell Code Velociraptor loud enough I could hear him over the air conditioner, should a medical emergency occur.

I mean sure, the whole jumping kid thing is adorable, and they were worn out and sleeping by 6:45pm.

But did I just make the biggest mistake ever?

Or the awesomest?

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