Stage 5 Clinger

Clinger Text

"You never call me anymore." He said. "Yes I do!" "Um no, you don't. It's Wednesday and you haven't called to bug me at work all week?" So, two things. One, he apparently only pretends to be annoyed with me, which only confirms my theory that my exasperating personality is a large part of my sex appeal. And two, I don't need to compulsively connect with my husband anymore. Now, before you get all Dr. Phil on my relationship and whisper about marital troubles or divorce, listen to me. … [Read More...]

Lemons into lemoncello, a Christmas card story

Once upon a time, my home was filled with cute, adorable, saccharine filled Christmas pictures. The likes of which made for the types of Christmas cards one would keep displayed year round.Giggles. Babies in oversized Santa hats. Puppies hiding under the tree.It was a gay time.But this year, with … [Read More...]

Merry.

Holy balls.It's freezing.After a full day of last minute shopping, I am frostbit and chapped in places I have never been frostbitten and chapped before.But, it's Christmas time. Always a cluster fuck, eh?I mean, don't get me wrong, I completely love it. The pretty snow, the cookies, the food, the … [Read More...]

4 years ago today.

13 years ago, I met him. He was quiet, played golf and liked to wear shoes.I let him kiss me and be my boyfriend anyways.We fell completely in love.He asked me to marry him.(I said yes.)It was a fabulous evening of dancing, drinking, chinese food and poker.Complete bliss.4 years have passed, and … [Read More...]

Batting 1000

You know when your kids totally do something new and shocking, like, oh, I don't know...let's say pull a dining room chair up to the kitchen counter and start playing with the knife block or dick around on the stove. And you are all like, where in fucks sake did you learn that shit? And they … [Read More...]

My breakfast of champions.

Best breakfast ever? Cold pineapple and green pepper pizza with thick crust. I have been dreaming of it all night. I woke up at 6am drooling for it. Literally...wet pillow. I get to the kitchen, and I see it...on the counter...in the box it came in last night. COME ON! Andy! The … [Read More...]

I’m feeling…poetic.

Having three boys is awfully nice...except this one is made of sugar and spice.COPYRIGHT BAREFOOT FOODIE 2009 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. … [Read More...]

Just like old times.

I haven't numbered things in a while. I think I will go ahead and do that now. Just to be nostalgic. 1. I think my thighs are starting to rub together...like...full time. This scares me. I mean, not enough to stop eating burritos, but enough to make me drink water between bites. 2. I … [Read More...]

Something is burning, and for once…it’s not my soul.

Preface: This post sucks. I have rewritten it 20 times. Feel free to print it out, put it in a paper bag, and light it on fire on someone's porch. I totally would...but I have been out of ink for about 10 years, and my husband keeps forgetting to get me more. I would go myself, but I'm afraid … [Read More...]

Totally, way more famous in my head.

I hope you all had fun participating in the Mission Monday Challenge! Jay and Deb do a fabulous job, and I thank them so much for featuring me, it was a blast...especially since I didn't even have to do anything...which is my favorite part...oh, and you get to win free stuff, which is also … [Read More...]

MISSION MONDAY!

You found me!! I have been featured on "MISSION: Monday" by Deb and Jay at Dirty Socks and Pizza and HalftimeLessons! The idea behind their weekly promotion and giveaway is to bring focus to FABULOUS blogs like mine...so now that you found me, here is my question you will need to know the answer to … [Read More...]