If you came here looking to finally find that mashed cauliflower recipe that tastes just like mashed potatoes, I have bad news for you.
Cauliflower will never be a potato.
For many reasons, let’s take a look at them.
First, potatoes don’t smell like farts, so right off that bat, a huge difference.
Second, cauliflower just doesn’t have that stick to your bones, eat until the hurt stops, let’s cover our feelings in gravy, sort of quality.
I don’t care if you batter it and toss it in wing sauce, or shape it like a pizza, at the end of the day, it tastes like cauliflower, and that’s okay, because cauliflower is okay, and you’re okay, and we’re gonna get through all of this just fine.
Mashed cauliflower is proof that people can change, at least in my house.
Andy doesn’t like to eat carbs, I mostly do, he wanted mashed cauliflower that tasted like mashed potatoes, I showed him the aforementioned Cauliflower are not Potatoes power point, but my dance with cauliflower continued.
My main goal was to make it taste good and indulgent, because when I thought about how I felt eating mashed potatoes, it was always calm and then rapidly stuffed and happy.
That I could do.
Bring on the dairy.
Cauliflower, heavy whipping cream, cream cheese, mozzarella cheese, Parmesan cheese, butter and salt and pepper.
Not pictured: Garlic Powder and Onion Powder.
See that thing that looks like a weird vibrator, but isn’t a vibrator? That’s an immersion blender, and it’s the secret to everything smooth and wonderful.
Plus they are super cheap, you can get one for under $20 from almost anywhere.
Soups, bisque, mashed potatoes, whatever, you just stick it right in, turn it on, and blend it all velvety smooth.
It turns out, velvety smooth was just the trick my brain needed to get into this whole mashed cauliflower thing.
First roughly shop up your cauliflower.
I cut away large portions of the stem, and try to keep everything relatively small, making blending even easier.
Toss the pieces into a microwave safe steamable bowl, add a cup or so of water, put on a lid, and steam the shit out of it.
Seriously, the softer, the better.
After you drain the water, you add all the meltable items: butter, cream cheese, and mozzarella cheese, along with the seasonings.
And then, wait for it- put the lid back on.
Let the heat do most of the work for you here, put the lid on and let it all get melty and gooey.
After 5-10 minutes, lift the lid, add the heavy whipping cream, and begin immersion blending until smooth.
I mean…. how beige is this post, you guys?
It get’s worse, watch.
Scoop the cauliflower into an oven safe dish and top with Parmesan cheese.
Bake for 20 minutes, until good and bubbly.
And then broil for a final 5 minutes, to give you that lovely brown crisp.
Your brain is all, wait a minute, are these pota- no, not potatoes.
And yet… absolutely, positively delicious.
- 1 large head of Cauliflower
- 1 cup Shredded Mozzarella
- 8 oz of Cream Cheese, cubed
- 1/2 cup Parmesan Cheese
- 1/2 cup Heavy Whipping Cream
- 4 tbsp soft Butter
- 1 tsp Garlic Powder
- 1 tsp Onion Powder
- Salt and Pepper to taste
- Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
- Clean and chop cauliflower, and steam in microwave safe steam bowl for 10 minutes, until extremely soft.
- Drain water, add cream cheese, mozzarella cheese, butter, garlic powder, onion powder, and a pinch of salt and pepper. Cover with lid and let sit to soften 5-10 minutes.
- Add heavy cream and blend smooth.
- Transfer to an oven safe bowl, top with shredded Parmesan cheese, and bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes, until bubbling.
- Set oven to broil, and broil for 5 minutes, until cheese is brown and toasty.
- Serve hot.