We only watch The Wizard of Oz wearing ruby slippers. Without even trying, she became me. She sings and dances and monologues her afternoons away. Always in character. Always setting up a scene in her mind. Always baffling Andy. It is... the coolest/ scariest part of parenting. It was a short week, let's catch up! [...]
If they are anything like Andy, they've been getting plenty of play the last few months courtesy of my 50 Shades of Libido.
I've watched it about 200 times. I'm so crazy good at walking slow, and I fake movie entrance to shit all the time, mostly to mid 90's rap music.
Plus, how do normal looking boys get so hot once they start playing guitars, amirite?
I've spent the better part of 30 years loathing my thighs, so my attempt to embrace shorter dresses has not been without struggle.
So you read Fifty Shades of Grey. You had lots of sex...with yourself and maybe others. And now you have no idea what the hell to do with yourself.
P.S. Look for me on Wendy Williams today and Good Morning America tomorrow. I'll be the one in the bathing suit...probably eating a Banana Chocolate bar from Dylan's (OMG HAVE YOU HEARD OF THIS, IT'S ORGASMIC.)
I don't know how we're going to come out of this not being best friends.
But, when I don't say those words, and just put the food on his plate and serve him like some sort of caveman, he eats it. Hell, even moans a little.
Also, why was he not a hotter president, I could totally get behind him being a super hot tall guy who kills people with an axe.
