Today I posted on Facebook:
You guys, the most amazing things happen when you stop being afraid you’re going to fuck up, and just do it already!
And then I got a whole slew of responses and private messages telling me how badly people had needed to hear that today.
On a personal level, this statement could not be more true. I’m not great at math, but I can tell you with utmost certainty that 0% amazing things have happened to me as a result of me not trying. But 100% of the amazing things I’ve gotten to do in my life have come from taking a chance, and at least 50% of those times, I failed miserably in the process at least once.
That’s… a lot of percents, which makes this what? Honors algebra?
My point is, once you get over this whole fear of public failure thing, life gets way easy and a lot more fun.
I want a television show, a fashion line, the freedom to be funny, and the courage to spearhead a movement alongside amazing women. I didn’t and won’t get any of those things without going out and doing them. I didn’t and won’t get any of those things without sucking at some of it along the way.
Today is your day. Start failing. Hard. All over the place. Until one day… you don’t.
Amazing things happen when you start putting things out into the universe.
First: I want to know, right here, what you want to do. What you’ve been afraid to try.
And then: I want you to read everyone else’s comments. Can you help them do their “thing?” Have you been in their shoes and you can offer advice? Did you accidentally end up here after searching the term “fat barefoot chick in bikini?” I get that a lot, here ya go, buddy.
What do you want to do?
I want to own my own house. I am scared to make an appointment with a loan officer – scared to hear she will say No Way do you qualify. I want a home, a yard, a place of my own. To settle and make memories.
Don’t waaait! You’ll just keep wondering, with that question lingering in your mind, “Will she says yes or no?” Those are the only two possibilities!
If yes, you get to move forward and start house hunting!
If no, you get to move forward and start saving so you can prepare yourself properly for a house! The loan officer might even be able to tell you how much to save.
There is no lose. :)
Don’t wait. I never thought I could purchase a home considering it hasn’t been 7 years since my credit card fuck ups, unpaid medical bills, and husbands default on student loans. But you can! It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Just be modest in your purchase and don’t buy more than you can afford–being house poor isn’t a good choice. And even if you do get turned down, they will tell you what you need to do to fix it so that you will be approved!
Make the appointment!! I have the same desire and had the same fears. Scheduling an appointment with a well recommended loan office took away so much stress. We still haven’t bought a house, but he was able to tell us what loan officers looked for, what sort of loan we would qualify for, and I think most importantly, what we could do to improve and maintain our credit to get a better loan in the future.
I was in your EXACT shoes 6 months ago. Didn’t think I made enough money, didn’t understand the market, didn’t know where to start, was afraid and thought a new home would never come my way ect. All I wanted was a house with a yard and a garage. I found a house online and decided to go balls to the wall and just go check it out. Went, but hated the house- but loved the relator who showed me the house. I went home and applied online for a home loan from a major bank- BIG MISTAKE- Denied. E mailed the realtor who showed me the house and told him about being denied. He said my best bet was to go through a smaller more personal broker and even suggested the name of company with a gentlemen that he thought would be perfect to help me into my dream home. I emailed this man and began the loan process. 4 days later i was approved for a loan I thought would never happen. It helps that I have good credit and low debt to income ratio, but I would have need thought in my wildest dreams that I could be a homeowner in my dream home after being turned down so quickly from other larger banks. I always thought that you had to have “tons” of money in the bank and a huge down payment. But having personal advise from smaller companies works to your advantage because they will look at your financial strengths. My point is- talk to realtors and smaller companies who will give your needs personal attention. What do you have to lose? Good luck!!!
This is the time to try! Interest rates are rock bottom and they’re wanting to lend again! All they can say is no.
Lisa, you can have what you desire. My mom and sister are mortgage brokers and have literally seen it all! I agree with all the other comments; they will be able to either pre-qual you or help you plan for a house in the near future.
I agree that smaller brokerages do have more options/programs available to them. The bigger banks are so heavily regulated that if you have any “blemishes” on your credit they just say no.
And… Fear is just false evidence appearing real anyways, right?
Go get your house! :)
Yes! Go get it. I am a Realtor and help buyers around their fear all of the time. That first step is super scary but I always say if you don’t ask, you’ll never know. Oddly enough – in one day I received 3 calls from buyers looking for help. One guy was turned down 4 times since March and called me to help him find a house to rent. I hooked them up with the same lender who walked them though what they need to do to get their scores up and be ready and the lender told them they can buy in Jan 2014! So in the mean time, we are looking at homes offering Lease purchase – which is basically rent to own. So they will move in, pay the seller monthly and in January, apply for their mortgage. There are many good Realtors and lenders/mortgage brokers out there willing to help. Keep calling until you find one. I have my favorite lenders – so start with the Realtor – he/she will be able to get you to a great lender! If its not today, that lender will be able to tell you when=)
BTW….I’ve been reading some of the other comments and a lot of people are talking about wanting a job that allows them to stay at home. Real Estate is ideal. I was a stay at home Mom for 10 years until my youngest went to Kindergarten. I knew I wanted to do something besides clean my house, cook dinner, do laundry etc while they were at school all day and an 8-5 job was not what I wanted. I wanted to be able go on field trips, easily stay home if one of the kids were sick and be here when they got home from school and be home with them in the summer. I make my own hours – mostly=) But it is very flexible. Yes, I work weekends but I love it so much. Its super fun and I miss it when I don’t have a buyer to run around with. I got in when the market was in the toilet and now – its amazing. I’m busy and making money. It’s not something that I could do to support our family because then I would never be home – and yes – you can be that busy. But its nice extra income and a perfect job for moms with kids.
I want to be able to help youth/young adults when everyone else has turned their backs on them for whatever reason, broken family, gay, transgender, etc. When I hear nearly grown-ups tell their stories about being disowned or “thrown away” because they are who they are my heart breaks into a million pieces. I want to be able to get involved and help them feel better about themselves. I haven’t a clue on how to even begin this journey.
I want so, so badly to get the hell out of the job I’m in. I am so unhappy and carry this with me in almost all aspects of my life. The stress and the unhappiness makes living with me a nightmare. I’m scared to make the jump to something else because I don’t want to just get stuck with another AP job. Yet I don’t have a college education and am scared to make those changes so “late” (soon to be 36) in my life.
I want to be able to make meaningful friendships with other women. I don’t have a ton of friends as it is and find that the older you get the more difficult it becomes to make friends. I also find that the older I get I am seeing the necessity of having more meaningful friendships with other women. We have stories to share and can be so helpful and uplifting for one another. Sometimes there is just nothing like that.
Thank you Brittany for opening up this discussion – you’re amazing!!
As a mom of a child who has only in the past year felt free enough to “come out” as transgender, I love knowing there are people out there like you. Please do find ways to help a support those in our society who are disenfranchised. How about seeing if your local high school has a GSA Gay Straight Alliance? They could def use a person like you to mentor!
Denise2Teach:
Thank you so much for the idea! My kiddo is in elementary school so I wouldn’t have even of thought of checking with the local high schools.
There is a lot of “brokenness” and unworthiness in my past so when I hear of others I feel like I can connect in a certain way. I know how bad hurt and want to help ease that in others.
Rachel,
There are so many non-profit organizations out there, good reputable ones, that deal with youth. One of my favorites is CASA- Court Appointed Special Advocates. CASA are appointed to cases where children have been removed from the home. CASA’s are appointed to 1 case only and we stay on that case for the duration (most of the time). Whether the child is put back into parents care or they age out of the foster system, or they are adopted. CASA’s are the 1 constant in a childs life during their time in the system. We advocate for the best interest of the child in front of a judge. We ask/demand for things such as additional education, medical attention, tutoring, extra curricular activities, that these children need but aren’t getting for whatever reason. It’s one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I have been a CASA for 4 years. And never regretted 1 minute of it. And even though my last case has been dissolved, I am able to continue a relationship with my 19 yo CASA kid and he is one amazing kid.
My other piece of advice would be, as Brittany said, “JUST DO IT!” It doesn’t hurt to apply for other jobs, even work for a temp agency. You can gain a lot of experience with a temp agency while figuring out what you want to do. There are many AppleOne offices all over the US (one of the many temp agencies I know of). By submitting your resume to them, they will be able to place you in various jobs of various durations. So DO IT already!
GOOD LUCK!!!
Lauren,
Here in Florida we are called Guardian ad Litems but we are a part of CASA. I have been one for 12 years and I agree, if you have the time it is something where you can really make a difference for children! Grats on 4 years!
Lauren:
This sounds amazing – must research CASA immediately. Thank you so much!!
I know it doesn’t hurt to look for something else but as you stated it’s scary to change. It’s not just me that I’m responsible for at this point in my life; I have a hubby and a kiddo. Even as those words come out of my head I realize what a better reason for the change than my hubby and kiddo. :)
Thank you, thank you!
Lauren:
Thank you for your reply! CASA sounds amazing and I will absolutely research it further!
It’s scary to branch out of my comfort zone job wise. I’m not just looking out for myself anymore; I have my hubby and kiddo to think about too. Which if I’m completely honest with myself (AND listen to myself) is probably the absolute most important reason to take the plunge and get a different job. :)
Thank you, Thank you!
I went back to school to study for a new career in my late thirties. I started my new job last year – the same year I turned 40 and I LOVE it! It’s scary to change, especially when you’re kind of established in your field, but the pay off is so worth it. You just have to take the plunge.
As for making new friends, do you have something like Meet-Up in the US? I recently joined a couple of groups through Meet-Up, single parents, hikers, etc and have met some great people. The trick is to join groups that do things that you love, the people are more likely to be the sort you can get along with.
Oh, another thing. When you start to work in a field that you love, you find that many of the people working with you are a lot like you. I have made some awesome new friends at my new workplace.
Good luck!
Emma:
I think you are absolutely correct about meeting new, amazing people if/when I get into a new job or field of interest. Right now not only am I miserable with my job but I have next to nothing in common with most people I work with. They are all great people but I don’t know that I would be friends outside of work with them. It can feel very isolating.
Need to make the change – thank you for your words of encouragement!
I want to: make food for a living. Be that catering, opening a bakery…something. I’m working my way through figuring out what it is specifically. Learn how to live an all around healthier lifestyle. And take chances. I’ve been so afraid of failure my whole life. It’s just been this year that I’ve even begun trying. Thank you for this. I needed it so badly and it means so much to me. “With brave wings she flies”. That’s my 2013 mantra.
Thank you AGAIN Brittany! You really are so inspiring.
I want to quit this crappy day job where I’m not appreciated (after being here for 8 years) and do my website for families full time…while being there for my daughter when she starts Kindergarten later this year. That means in the class to face off with any possible asshole bullies.
I have to get my nerve up and figure out how to pay my rent while I get it going LOL. I have to do it for my daughter and me because this place makes me insane.
I want to go back to grad school for a PhD, but the voice in the back of my head keeps whispering things like “you suck at math and won’t get a good enough score on the GRE”, “you’ll never get into that program”, “you won’t be able to balance school and work”, and my personal favorite, “you have enough student loan debt!”
Do it! I just finished my Ph.D. (defended last week, hurray!) Depending on your field, a really good verbal score may offset a poor math score on the GRE. Mine did, as I went for a humanities field. Just get a Kaplan or similar study guide, and take the practice tests over and over.
Also, the best advice I got before applying to grad programs: if they won’t fully fund you, then they don’t really want you. Do not attend a Ph.D. program that requires you to borrow the money. If they really want you, they’ll fund you, and funding means they are invested in your success. That might mean applying for more competitive programs, and it might mean getting into your “safe school” and passing it up. But if you take the GRE and apply, all you’re really out is the time and the application and test fees if you don’t get in. And if you do get in, then you get to compare packages, see what different programs have to offer, and make a choice that’s right for you.
There are lots of reasons not to go to grad school if it doesn’t fit into your life, career, or financial plans. But if you want to go, there’s no reason not to apply and see what kind of options you have. Then you can make an informed choice. Good luck!!
I want to work in production and, ultimately, be a producer. Unfortunately I didn’t figure that out until after college and I live in Delaware so it’s not going well right now (can’t find a job and can’t afford to move). But I’m not ready to give up so if anyone has any pointers, please, I’m all ears!!!
I want to be able to make a living doing what I love which is, and this sounds ridiculous, yarn crafts like knitting and crocheting. I also think I would be really good at sewing and quilting but I have yet to purchase a sewing machine. I don’t know how to make it work but I would love to figure it out.
Oh, lady, just go pick up a sewing machine tonight. Doesn’t have to be the expensive one. Go cheap at first if you need to. Then find a place to take one class – maybe a local fabric shop or your local JoAnnes. Take that class because that will force you to learn your machine and you’ll learn a few useful tips. Then just do it. Look stuff up online, get a book that defines sewing terms and make a few pillow covers and a circle skirt. It’s shockingly easy and opens up a whole world of possibilities. Your first few tries might be a bit wonky, but you’ll get the hang of it. When all the clothes at the shops are ugly and cheaply made, you can just whip up your own. Ah-mazing.
You’re right . . . I just need to do it already! :)
Check Craigslist and yard sales and estate sales for a washing machine. Throw pics of all your stuff on Facebook and sell through there. They say you’re not supposed to but everyone does. Just start slow and watch it spread.
Great idea Laura! I’ll take a look on craigslist! :)
I don’t know how helpful this is, but in the spirit of Brittany I figured I’d give my two cents. I would also love to do something like this. Don’t tell yourself it’s ridiculous. Where there’s a will, there is a way. :) While I may not end up being the crafty seamstress of my dreams, I can tell you to go ahead and buy that damn sewing machine and give sewing a try. Buy a basic model that can grow with you, even if you only end up sewing straight lines. I have a Brother xl-2600i, which is perfect for beginners. If you hanven’t sewn at all, try by hand at first and practice. It may not look pretty at first, but over time it will if you stick with it. You never know, you may just love it.
Thank you Candice! I will take you up on your advice. And you’re right! It’s not ridiculous! It’s pretty awesome, right?! :)
I love this! Last year I decided to stop living in my comfort zone. A few events that resulted were traveling for a week all by myself, riding an elephant, and posing for budior photos (as a mom of 3 toddlers that was the most terrifying and amazing). This year I quit my banking job to open a boutique for little boys. My job was killing my soul and I didn’t want to grow old and realize I was miserable 6 days a week for forever. I really have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m finishing up a degree in marketing, and researching like crazy. And I’ve never been happier. My point is that I promise you’ll never regret making the absolute most out of your time. Even the times that you think you’re failing will make amazing stories for the grandkids ;)
I want to stop listening to people telling me, wih words or with glances, that I’m not good enough, not pretty or not worth it. I want to love myself. I want to realize what amazing and courageous things I have done in my short life.
Sounds simple but it ain’t. =/
Your dream alone makes you beautiful, strong and worth it. Trust that quiet voice that’s telling you so because she’s right.
Thank you for your kind words!!
I would love to write professionally, full-time. I am currently an event planner and I would love to focus all of my time and efforts towards my blog and freelance writing jobs.
Ah we have common goals! I want to write also and become a successful event planner – any pointers?
Now in my 30’s I want to resolve the debt I accumulated in my 20’s. Life would be so much better, and I’d have so much more money every month if it was just paid off. I feel like it has been holding me back from life for almost a decade. I’m ready to really live!
Google Dave Ramsey and the cash envelope and snowball method. It works! Good luck!
I want to write and connect on social media for a living but I don’t know how to actually make a career of it.
I want to quit being afraid of being afraid. I have horrible agoraphobia – some times I can’t even go in the grocery store, I just sit in my car and cry then go home – and have isolated myself to the point where I have a few key people left in my life. I am so afraid of everything that I can’t even live my life. I go to work (because I have to), then I go home and sit by myself until it’s time to try to sleep, which doesn’t work because I can’t stop thinking, and then I get up and go to work again. I won’t let anyone get too close to me for fear they will hurt me, leave me or laugh at me. Life is happening all around me and I am too afraid to participate.
Ann,
I’ve had a few online friends who had similar problems with agoraphobia. First off ((hugs)) I know what it is like to feel out of control about your fear. Have you ever heard of Jen Yates? She has a site called EPBOT, which is a really cool Steampunk site. She speaks very openly about her issues. Maybe between Brittany and Jen you can find your own courage to find a solution. http://www.epbot.com/2012/09/the-enduring-hope-of-someday.html
I had horrible horrible horrible anxiety after having my first child. I had been off my major depression meds for a year, and was so anxious with people I couldn’t eve n make a phone call to the doctor for help. You are not alone. I promise. 6 years later and I can go out with new girl friends to a bar and dance and talk to strangers!! One. step at a time. Set a small goal “I will call x today ” and if it takes 5 tries and 40 minutes of prep or if you don’t even make it through ..don’t give up!!! You aren’t alone. Meds helped me, honestly. I now take a daily anxiety med (valium etc isn’t in my cards) and I tell you..it has made a huge difference. Don’t delete your post! Know you aren’t alone and posting was a big first step!!! ((Love)) If you want a stranger to talk to, I am here for you.
Actually I did it! I took a leave of absence from my teaching job for 2 reasons-
1) I am going to Grad school (at 44) and
2) I don’t believe in what they are doing to kids especially my ESE chickadees.
Today I had to say goodbye to the students I love so that I can get those initials that will allow me to be a better advocate and to make some real positive change for a larger group of students by becoming a college professor! Go fucking ME!
And now I want to delete my post for fear of what people think about me…
You took the first step. You are a great person. I don’t know how or what to tell you to help with the fear. But, I do know, and want you to know that taking the first step by saying/writing it is a good thing.
Don’t delete it or you’ll always be too scared to find your voice. My mother went through something similar after a nervous breakdown. The scariest thing she thought she could never do was finally ask for help climbing out of the pit of despair she’d been living in too long. However, she finally did, and she’s so grateful that she was finally willing to just try. It seems helpless, horrible, and overwhelming, but there is hope. You can change this situation, and while there will still be bad days it will get better. Like Adoralice said, you’ve taken the first step and that’s a good start.
I want to be an illustrator. I have nearly 700 digital drawings and no one has hardly seen them but my husband.
Join Deviant Art and upload them. People everywhere can enjoy them then. :)
Go to Tumblr and Facebook and share them. People will share them too!
I am writing a children’s book and need an illustrator. Contact me at [email protected] and maybe we can collaborate.
I’ve been blogging for about a year, but was… embarrassed?… by what the people I KNOW would think. I gave it today and added my latest post onto Facebook. For better or for worse.
Take the leap and do it. My personal goal is to be a more well-known blogger. I have built my steady readership of 21 through Facebook. Sometimes it’s hard to publish it there–my dad questions me all of the time about the things I write but I just keep going.
Nicole – I feel that way too sometimes. But I try to tell myself that those are the ones who should be the most supportive! And so far, they have. :)
I have moved out of state a total of 3 times in my 31 years. Moved states twice in my childhood, third grade and then freshmen year of HS, and have not lived in the same state as family since 2005. My third move, nearly six years ago, was for my job. I have excellent friends and relationships in 2 other states but can not for the life of me get a core group here, or heck, even just one person. I have a few acquaintances but none that are ‘the one’.
I want nothing more then to move, preferably to where my brothers are, but am terrified of walking away from an excellent job (did not go to college, know for a fact I will not make what I’m currently making) also no savings to make said move(!). I know I will not be happy until I have done that but I have been feeling this way, every day, for the past 2 years and I don’t want another 2 to pass me by..
Start job hunting around the area you want to move- you might be surprised & find a job that is close to what you have now.. You never know until you look. Its okay to take a few steps back in order to reach your long term goal. It might suck for the minute, but if you are unhappy now- the only difference is if you take the leap you are one step closer!
Thanks for posting this today. It’s been a really rough couple years for our family and I’ve been suffering from depression. I can’t seem to find (and keep) my sparkle. Until today, I couldn’t really even remember having any sparkle. I re-read through my blog and found all sorts of wonderful things about myself, AND I was finally able to write something again.
Love you Brittany!
I’m a teacher. I love it, but I’m quickly getting burnt out. What I really want to do is teach theatre, and be a cosmetologist on the side. I don’t know how to start. I’m good at makeup, but not hair. I learn quickly, but can’t afford to get certified. What to do, what to do?
Could you sell products like Avon or Marry Kay on the side to earn the $$ for Cosmetology school? I know the peeps at your school would be built in clients!
I sold Avon to go to school to teach!
I am not sure what grade you teach, but what about being a drama teacher? Or directing a play for your school to open up that door? You can be just a makeup artist. I would look into just classes for that, or even talk with local photographers & see if they are willing to let you do the make up for their photo shoots. Offer them for free in exchange for pictures to use in order to start your portfolio.
I want to lose weight. A lot of weight. It seems so easy to say ‘well just do it’ but it is soooi hard. The stares and the judgement are terrifying and make me want to hide. Losing weight for me is a giant mountain climb and sometimes that climb is just too hard and there is too much farther to go and it all just seems so insurmountable. I am afraid of failing and i am afraid i will never succeed. I want & need to lose this weight and it is my number 1 priority, i just can’t seem to stick with it long term. The people in my life say they will help but don’t, even when i beg them too. They also expect the weight loss to happen quickly and are always disappointed when they see me and I haven’t yet lost enough to be skinny. I want this change so much. Just can’t seem to find the motivation to stick with it :( tell me others feel the same way …
Let’s get out of this rut together, Alicia. I personally haven’t reached out to friends because I don’t want to show how insecure I am about my weight. But on the inside I feel so out of place, so awkward and alone. I can’t lose weight on my own. I need a buddy. I’ve already connected with another Brittany reader after today’s post and looking forward to a healthy beginning. Email me at [email protected]. Let’s be virtual cheerleaders for each other. We can do this!
My son who is 13, 5’8 and was 295 pounds has shown me when your ready you will do it. In 5 weeks he has lost 40 pounds on the HCG diet. Its hard but he is doing it! You can do it when your ready. Google the diet and call a natural path( work with a doctor not the on line pills), its fast and it works!
I want to live an interesting life, rich in experience and travels. I want to be self-sustainable and to love every single day of my life. I want to write a book and I want to never stop trying to go after what I want.
I LOVE your pic and post ..my new motto :) thx for sharing :)
opps I should add im afraid to fail as a parent ..BUT I try so so so hard not to :) god help my children’s therapist …or should I say he should send me a thank you card ..one day I will finance his/hers trip to Hawaii :)
I want to learn to love and accept myself the way I am now. I don’t want my daughters to repeat my cycle of poor body image and always seeing myself in the negative. I would looove to be able to be a stay at home mom and quit working 12 hour shifts with 2 plus hours of commuting. I would also love to open a yarn/coffee shop where women and maybe the occasional man could come hang out and knit or crochet:) for my 40th birthday, I want to have some boudoir photos done and feel totally sexy!
I want to be a mom. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. After 6 years of being off birth control and not getting pregnant, my husband and I went to see a fertility specialist. In February 2013 we found out I am premenopausal and will never be able to naturally have kids. We’ll always need help- whether via artificial insemination, or IVF, we’ll have to have help because my body tells me I’m ovulating 2 weeks before I actually do. Which makes my body murder my husbands sperm before they even have a chance. Just finished round 2 of AI (after 2 months of birth control to breakdown the cysts that developed after the last round) and again not pregnant. So I guess what i really want is for my body to FUCKING COOPERATE.
I have no advice or magic trick (god do I wish there was a magic trick). However, I want to say how much I empathize with you and wish you lots of luck and baby dust.
I want to quit my job. I want to do something more with my life that is meaningful and rewarding and allows me to help people. I want my work to matter more than someone’s bottom line. I want that work to allow me more time with my kids. I want to be happy gain, and frankly, quitting this job solves all of these.
The only thing standing in my way from walking away is me and the fear that I’ll fail or miss out on another better opportunity. I’m horrible. I don’t know what in doing with my life.
I want to be able to afford to send my daughter to college! I want to be a successful writer. I want to be happy. I don’t want much, but these are my dreams.
I have been trying to get my at home business off the ground…. I love quilting and embroidery. But I am so afraid that there are so many more people better then me, what is the point?
I LOVE what I do. I have made some things for people (one of my specialties is memory quilts.) With my husband being a cop you find people who have collected a lot of t-shirts they just can’t part with. What I love most is that each quilt tells a story. And I helped it along a bit.. My hardest thing has been putting myself out there and learning to fail just to make this succeed.
I am obsessed with Memory Quilts! Have you tried opening an Etsy store? At least there would be no overhead and people can see your work.
Send me a link if you do it!
http://www.pinkowlmomma.com
I’d love to start running without fearing that everyone is watching my giant boobs bounce, that I’ll realize that I only made it a block before I died of a heart attack, or that I’ll run and not be able to run back and have to call for a ride. LOL
Oh yea! This is one I can sort of help with! I run in two bras. One to support, one to cinch up. Black tops to minimize. The most awesome thing is that after running for a while, the boob fat started shrinking down! Hooray!!!
If you are new to running, I STRONGLY recommend the Couch to 5K program. It lets you build up your running and everyone that I know that has used it has had success.
Do not fear running. What is the worst that can really happen if you start? Uh… That you’d have to walk? Ok. Catch your breath, relax, and pick up a jog again when you’re ready. That you’re going to feel like your lungs are imploding and your heart is exploding? Yeah, that happens to e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e in the warm up– it’s called homeostasis. It’s where your heart and lungs suddenly figure out that your major muscles need more oxygen so they start working really really hard really fast until they all–legs, heart, lungs– fall into a rhythm. Sometimes that takes a while. Get through it, nice and easy. You can do it!! That you’ll be out for a run and not be able to run back home? Then walk back. Or call for that ride and make your driver stop for a beer and cheese fries and some good laughs on the way back.
Spend a little time on the forums and articles on Runners World or any other good running website, and you will see that you are NOT alone. Runners are wicked supportive because we understand the grueling torture we willingly put ourselves through just for the glory of running.
I know Brittany herself was running for a while. Maybe we could have a post/article/discussion on proper athletic supportive gear for curvy girls? People always recommended the moving comfort brand to me, but they didn’t work the best for me.
Best wishes and I hope you get out there soon.
this is an awesome post, and i love the support. i have struggled to find good support bras that actually support and shape, rather than just squishing everything into my armpits or up around my chin :) i would personally love to start running and need to stop using my bad back & bum knee as an excuse. i have been babying my health (ie not doing things that would hurt/injure me) for so long, i’ve actually made myself unfit and unhealthy :(
i have feared getting out of the house, and have instead become agoraphobic after a recent accident. outside scares me because outside is where accidents happen, it’s where i can trip and fall and be hurt. i need to get over that.
the couch to 5k sounds like an amazing program and definitely something i want to look at, and actually participate in. i used to love running, and hate that i’ve let myself fall so far that the prospect of running scares me.
i would love to be able to participate in a disney marathon. so… maybe that’s my goal. weightloss and increased fitness to get me to disney and a marathon. maybe disney can be my motivation and my happy place. maybe … maybe… i have some hope for success :)
Running Disney is totally on my list too!! I really want to make it to the January 2014 weekend!
I will tell you this, I never ever ever imagined in my LIFE that I could run like I do now. But I wanted to get into it and I knew other girls in the area did too. So we started a small group. And in that group, I found my running wife- the girl who commits to long run Sundays, the one who pushes me to go a little further, a little faster. I never imagined that I could do this, but it only took one person believing in me to help me. And one day, when she pushed me to 8 miles- seriously, freakish long, OMG I’m gonna die, or at least stop at McDonald’s for pancakes!- and it didn’t kill me (!!!!) I realized that I could be a runner girl.
There are TONS of running groups on meetup or maybe even through your local parks and rec or gym. Some are competitive and tough, some just run a pub run. And there are tons of groups in between. Might be worth checking out, or doing what I did,and just starting your own.
But hear me now: you can do this if you really want to. No one cares how fast or how far. No one judges you for running. Running is hard work and people will, despite what you thi and despite how defensively snarky they may act, actually be impressed and respectful of your hard work.
I believe in you gals. Just out one foot in front of the other. Go.
I had a good reply and then lost it… Bummer…. So I hope it doesn’t show up later in duplicate…..
Anyway…..
Run Disney is on my list too!!! I so badly want to get into the January 2014 marathon weekend!!
I wanted to share with you gals that I NEVER in my LIFE imagined that I would be running like I am now. I wanted to start running as a good way to get back into shape. And I had some other friends who thought this sounded like fun so we started a small running group. And in that running group, I found my running wife. She commits to long run Sundays, we travel to run together at least twice a year. She pushes me that one more mile, that little bit faster. When we first started running, she was training for a half marathon and I thought she was crazy, but I would run part of her training run to keep her company and get my own miles in. One day I went 8 mile (seriously, freakish long, OMG I’m gonna die. Can we stop at McDonald’s for pancakes?) and you know what? It didn’t kill me. And from that day, I realized I could be a runner girl. Not Kara Goucher runner girl. But a pretty ok runner girl.
There are tons of running groups on meetup or through your gym or parks and rec. Some train hard, and some just run so they can finish with a beer. :) Or start up a group of your own and just be awesome and encouraging to one another.
But hear this: if you want it, you can do it. No one cares about your speed or your mileage or your sports bras as much as you think they do. Most people are actually impressed and respectful of your hard work.
I truly believe in you gals. Just put one foot in front of the other. Go.
I can’t help but join in the fun! Thanks to Brittany, I’ve become a much more confident person! Confident enough to write even though I suck at it sometimes! I really REALLY want to become a successful writer, first become a successful blogger (which I’m actively working on) and then move on to really write. My dream is to write a sitcom.
Thank B for the courage to say this shit out loud and to sit on your Last Call panel. You my friend are an inspiration and my idol.
I want to hike Mount Washington! It is in NH and very tall, the highest peak in the Northeast and a bit dangerous. I LOVE to hike and hike a couple days a week on our small local mountain. I have a backpack, boots and even a hiking pole….I hope I can do it, it’s very hard!! And on their website they are all “more than 100 people have died on Mt. Washington…” I REALLY want to do it, but what if the weather turns bad? What if I have a heart attack!? LOL! I want to do this THIS YEAR! At the end of the summer! I want to do it!!
I want to have this baby, lose 200 lbs and get healthy so my kids have me around for a very long time!
I am afraid of even voicing my inner worries, or fears, or telling people the secrets of my life that I think I live in a constant state of denial because my life has some scary facts I can laugh or joke away, but giving voice to the “dirty secrets “I hide away of shame have all consumed me to the point I don’t even know who I really am..or how strong I could be, or not? I just hold it all in ..I fear judgement.. a lot.
Claire:
Have you ever considered therapy? I remember a time in my 20’s feeling very similar to how you explained yourself now. Mine was more to the point of reacting how I felt people would want me to react and being someone I thought other people wanted me to be because I didn’t think they’d like who I truly was. When in fact I’d be putting on that facade for so long I had long since forgotten who I was truly was. I also had what I thought other people would think of as “dirty secrets” about my life that would make them not like me anymore. I sought out therapy because at the time my marriage was slowly unraveling BUT what it turned into was really a journery of self discovery and confidence. It didn’t happen over night by any stretch but it was so damn worth it.
It is very scary to make the call for therapy for a million and one different reasons, lest the one that you feel like the therapist is judging you but they’re not. I know that’s hard to consider at first and getting into a groove with a therapist is hard at first but it will come. You can do it – I believe in you!
Good luck to you in your own journey of self discovery; I wish you nothing but the best and also the ability to find you and express yourself again. You ARE worth it!!
I want to lose weight… I want to be pretty… and I know this blog is all about accepting yourself and your body and on some level I do.. I dont have a desire to look like a model, but to look and feel healthy. But I dont motivate well when I am doing it alone…and I can afford a gym membership. None of my friends want to work out (or they are all so fit that i would be left in the dust) And to be honest I am afraid to tell anyone because I am terrified i wont stick with it, and everyone will just talk about my lack of will power..
courtney i am in the same boat. the exact same boat. i hate it when people talk about me negatively, and even if they don’t, i have this irrational fear that they will anyways :( i hate the idea of joining a gym (stares, judgement, watching myself in a mirror = no thank you) so i purchased an exercise bike that sits permanently beside my couch… it’s good that i put it there cause it silently judges me every.single.time i walk past it. that motivates me to exercise. i just need to do it more often, and for longer stretches of time :) figure out what works for you. and don’t necessarily stick with real people for motivation. i have had people offer to be virtual motivation buddies, so maybe explore that with some others on here who are interested in the same thing :) stay strong :)
I want to be a party planner. I want to be a professional blogger. I want to throw parties at the local shelter for Kid’s birthdays. Kids who don’t have the opportunity to have a big day with presents and everything about them. I just have big dreams…with no money. So I stay at my job that I do like and is a stable income, I just want to do so much more.
I want to be paid to help writers brainstorm their stories, unstick them when they are stuck with their plots or characters or words, and give them feedback on the things they are writing.
And the way I’ve started to work on those things: I’ve reached out to writers and am Beta Reading for a few of them, I started a blog reviewing books with a new friend, and at some point I will be advertising my services on the blog.
Moved 4 years ago.. and can’t figure out how to make friends. Tons of friends “back home”.. How do grown ups find friends? It’s getting lonely.
At first I doubted it’s ability, but meetup.com can lead to.creating a circle of friends. I resisted it for five years and finally went to a few and am building some fun friendShips. Give it a try.
What city are you in Tara?
My problem exactly. Been 6 years and I think about going ‘home’ every single day. The boyfriend makes friends like it’s nothing, takes more for me. Not sure if I’m confident enough to join a group.. Phoenix.
Rochester, NY. I have to stop comparing everyone/everything to home.. Be more open-minded… Stop dwelling on the homesickness.
I have worked in local government for 6 years. I have hated every moment of those 6 years because I hated the environment, the politics, the people, etc. However, the pay was good and I was able to purchase my home and live an okay lifestyle (outside of loathing my job). 6 months ago I switched jobs (to another gov’t agency) because the City I worked for had announced they were filing bankruptcy & the employees were told to “start looking elsewhere”, which I did. Well, a month ago I was promptly laid off from my new gov’t job & have been unemployed since. AND I AM SO HAPPY!! Not because of the lack of money, or the loss of benefits, mind you, but the overwhelming sense of freedom I have found I craved. I am a very crafty person so I have found talents that I didn’t know I had. For instance, we have always had a large vegetable garden, but I have found I have a knack for canning pickles. Great pickles. Pickles people ask me if they can buy. Which leads to my new dilemma. My old job (at the bankrupt City), wants me back and are practically handing me my old job back. But I hated that job and just can’t seem to get happy about the thought of going back. A little voice in my head keeps telling me that I should pursue a business of my own, making home goods (like my pickles and homemade detergents and soaps), but c’mon…we all know that won’t pay the bills! Or will it? I won’t know till I take the plunge and do it.
But should I? Should I turn down a job in this environment? Or should I take a job I hate just to be more “secure” and give up on my doing what I want to do in this life? I’m 33 (soon to be 34) and am standing at a fork in the road not sure of which path to take. Pickles. Who knew?
I think my biggest dream is to live out on the outer banks of NC. we visit all the time, and vacation there exclusively and i love it more than anything. especially ocracoke. i fantasize about just running across someone and them just… giving me their house. or owner financing at such a low price i cant say no (cause even though i make good money now, it wasnt always the case and the credit rating continues to follow me ;) ) that all they want is someone to love their home and island as much as they do.
i do, i do love ocracoke more than anything.
possibly more than my hubby ;) not more than my kids. i guess i have to draw the line somewhere. ;)
it really is sad (and possibly psychotic) – all the charities and donations and stuff i give are for stuff on the island. boy scouts, OPS museum, the ball field for the kids, a fundrasier for a former resident who was seriously injured in a car accident awhile back. I care WAYYYYY more about this island community than i do where i currently live.
c’est la vie, i suppose…..
oh and ummmm if anyone wants to give us their home… I’ll be on island week of aug 17th! LOLOL
That’s not crazy! Some of us just have the salt sand and surf in our soul. :) find a realtor and explain your situation. Then if they see something you might be able to buy you’ll be on their mind. Good luck!
I want to get my MSW in social work but I’m afraid of taking responsibility for others happiness and ultimately destroying my own.
I want to be a full time blogger. Career blogger. I want to stop worrying about my job as a drug rep because this industry is in a constant state of downsizing. I want to work for P!nk (personal assistant? nanny? blogger?) or CoverGirl (blogger?) or TJMaxx. I want to do something that I love waking up to every day, while making my kids proud, but also be able to make them dinner most nights – not be away for work all the time. I am not asking to be a millionaire (although I wouldn’t say no to it) – just a career in something I love.
And I want to meet P!nk. Just sit down and have a martini with her. Or Starbucks. I think we would be instant BFFs. ;)
I’m scared of having kids but want them desperately. I feel like there are so many things that are against us already that my fear of trying overwhelms me. I’m 35, my sister was born with a cleft lip and palette, my brother in law is severely autistic, we’re not poor but we also don’t get to save much each paycheck, and it also breaks my heart to know that my parents only grandchild will live over a 1,000 miles away and they won’t spend time with each other……not to mention all the other horrible situations that our son/daughter might encounter in life. It may sound silly to others but it scares me to think of the hurt our child could suffer…and the resentment I might feel towards myself for never trying.
HAVE THE BABY! I have two…I am 33 and my hubby is 41…our son is 4 and our daughter is 3 months…just do it…we are broke…we were broke before we had her, but we KNEW we needed another one. It’s a joy…you won’t screw them up…they will straighten you out! They are EVERYTHING…don’t miss out if it’s something you WANT!
I’d like to not work for any more mean people or do any more boring, tedious work. I’d like to turn this voice I’ve found into a lucrative venture that allows me to support my two munchkins and take the occasional vacation, and maybe even buy my own home. I’d like to be able to go to my kids’ awards’ ceremonies and their field trips without guilt and take a sick day without giving up a day’s pay. And I’d like to go to Target and buy all the Lean Cuisines and flip-flops I want without looking at the total.
I want to find a way to wade through the doubt in my mind and the moral ambiguities associated with the NGO and international development world and find a way to help those innocent, tiny humans who are born into poverty and less than favorable circumstances. They deserve a chance and I want to find a way use my skills and talents to ensure that they have the opportunity to flourish.
Is it wrong to want to make a living doing that? Because sometimes I think it might be. But I really do think it’s my calling. And not just a part-time, volunteer-when-you-can calling. But a full-time, this-is-my-entire-life calling.
I want and need my home based business to do really well so that I can support my son on my own. I want to own my own home and just have it be me and him. I have my degree and worked in social services (domestic violence) for over 10 years but as much as I loved helping those ladies and children, I want to work for me. I need to show my son that Momma can do it. I am stuck right now in so many ways with no way out without getting help from the state. I love doing what I do right now and I need my independence back!!
Do you have adoption experience? Could be a private adoption consultant? Or consult and be hired by people who want to help a loved one get out of an abusive relationship? Good luck!
I have done counseling on the side, but with only a Sociology/Social Work degree I am not a “certified” counselor. I have had many people call me and ask if I could talk to a friend, loved one, etc
I was thinking less certified counselor and more business consultant. Not the psychological or sociological side but just navigating the process. Do people do that? If I were trying to adopt I would want help and advice on navigating the waters of it all. If that’s legal that’s an option maybe. Good luck!
I want to finish school and move back home to the Gulf Coast. I have two more years in my “second life” at college after the first time 20 odd years ago. In those two years, I want to lose weight and get back to the shape I was before my husband died, basically the best shape of my life. I need to be motivated with friends, family, something. Right now it’s just me and it’s so much easier to pour a glass of wine or eat a cookie than it is to get off my ass. I just have to STOP making excuses and do it. Just like my blog, I just have to sit down and write.
Hey Kim if you need a virtual cheerleader/motivator I’m here. I need to start exercising again. I need to watch what I eat. I want to be healthy and can’t find a friend in town to commit to buddy up with me. My email is [email protected].
I have a metric ton of fear and I don’t even know how to put it into words.
I’ve been playing at being a fitness pro for 10yrs, but I was recently thrown into the deep in to sink or swim. I think I’m holding my own, but a lot of times when I walk into a class, I feel like a fraud who’s going to be found out any minute now.
My husband lost his job 2 days after I got hired at my gym…so yeah…sinking isn’t an option.
Three weeks later he was hired at a new company…in a state across the country from where we live…making $10k LESS than what we were making. He currently lives part time in Arizona, while I’m here with the kids in Georgia.
I love what I do, but I want to feel confident in doing it. I want to help people live healthy lives. I want to feel like I can call myself a professional and not feel like no one’s buying it
First of all, Thank you Britt! You are a true inspiration! More than anything, I want to be able to maintain a happy marriage and family. I’ve been engaged for almost two years, and haven’t even started planning the wedding. I’m terrified at failing at marriage, and have let my fear of long standing commitment and fear of failure get in the way of living my life. I want to let my fear GO, he’s perfect for me, and deep down I know it! Even the thought of wedding planning makes me a nervous wreck. I want to stop letting fear control my hhappiness.
I want to…be ok. I want to come out of this divorce as a strong single mother of two. I want to stand on my own two feet again because I know that I can. I want to be a better person, live a happier life, inspire the uninspired. I want to finish this God awful never ending nursing degree. I want to look fear in the eye and tell it to “go fuck itself” as politely as I possibly can. I want to show my children that their mother isn’t the person they have been subjected to. That she really is fun…I want to stop being so afraid to fail that I don’t move. I want to stop waking up each morning wondering where the hell my life is going and how the hell I got here. I want to stop asking myself “what the hell am I gonna do” on the daily. I want…I want…I want…Rant over, carry on. Thanks Britt, I needed to see that in writting.
I want to write books. I have so many ideas floating around in my head, but I don’t know where to start. I am so afraid that I won’t know what I am doing so I just don’t start.