Today I posted on Facebook:
You guys, the most amazing things happen when you stop being afraid you’re going to fuck up, and just do it already!
And then I got a whole slew of responses and private messages telling me how badly people had needed to hear that today.
On a personal level, this statement could not be more true. I’m not great at math, but I can tell you with utmost certainty that 0% amazing things have happened to me as a result of me not trying. But 100% of the amazing things I’ve gotten to do in my life have come from taking a chance, and at least 50% of those times, I failed miserably in the process at least once.
That’s… a lot of percents, which makes this what? Honors algebra?
My point is, once you get over this whole fear of public failure thing, life gets way easy and a lot more fun.
I want a television show, a fashion line, the freedom to be funny, and the courage to spearhead a movement alongside amazing women. I didn’t and won’t get any of those things without going out and doing them. I didn’t and won’t get any of those things without sucking at some of it along the way.
Today is your day. Start failing. Hard. All over the place. Until one day… you don’t.
Amazing things happen when you start putting things out into the universe.
First: I want to know, right here, what you want to do. What you’ve been afraid to try.
And then: I want you to read everyone else’s comments. Can you help them do their “thing?” Have you been in their shoes and you can offer advice? Did you accidentally end up here after searching the term “fat barefoot chick in bikini?” I get that a lot, here ya go, buddy.
What do you want to do?
I want to be noticed. People never remember me… and when they do, it’s never positively. I want to be the girl people think, hey, she’s a cool chick… I want to hang with her.
I want to get my body in a shape where I’ll feel comfortable around other people. I need confidence in myself and who I am.
I want to take what I know, what I’m good at, and write an online class (or three…) and sell it and have people want to take it. I want to have the courage to finish it and then put it out there. I want my business to do better. I’m a damn good developer and I should be rocking it.
I’m in the same place, body wise and I’m working on it…slowly. Until then (it’s hard) but I’m trying not to let it hold me back from opportunities.
I’m a writer. The best advice I can give you is to write daily and how do you do that? You find something you’re passionate about and do it, even if it feels silly or ‘not worthy.’ I started with a blog about cults 3 years ago and I’m an everyday writer now. I wish you all the luck in the world!
Laurie and Lisa… you can be everything you want to be, as soon as you start to believe it. I am big girl, but I also have a big laugh and a positive attitude. In my 30’s I started to put the brakes on my “I’m not good enough attitude”. I have dieted with varying results, losing weight never changed the box I put myself in, labeled “yuck”. It wasn’t until I stopped pushing for things I thought I should be and embraced the things I am that happiness found me. It takes way more effort to get up every morning and give yourself positive affirmation, rather than negative b.s., if you want to set a goal, make it to be your own cheer squad. Every day, get up, look in the mirror and find something to love about YOU. And every day will be easier than the last. And when it’s really working you will feel like the person you have been telling yourself that you are. And when you are happy, everybody wins! Good luck!
I secretly have always wanted to try plus size modeling. My crooked teeth have always been an obstacle, but I am now nearly half way through orthodontic treatments (braces) and that will no longer be an issue for me. I’ve been told me whole life how gorgeous I am, but never would have had the guts when I was young. I’m now 31 and I am a Mom of 4 and I wouldn’t even know how to start trying for this! I don’t know, not sure I’ll ever be brave enough to try.
Go for it! Try getting in touch with a local photographer and maybe trade services, or search for talent/modeling agencies in your area. Are there any local lingerie/clothing boutiques in your area who serve girls with curves? You could go meet up with some of the owners/managers and see if they have a need to show their products on an actual human… like for their Facebook page or blog. But take something with you FOR THEM and have ideas of how it would BENEFIT THEM, and then how it’ll benefit YOU will fall into place. :)
I LOVE how you used Lily Allen’s song title the fear as the title if this post. Very apropo. So anywho. I’d like to start a non-profit with my husband to help families dealing with pediatric cancer. We have recently started something small but we are hoping to do south more! xo
Must spell check, before hitting send. lol
I want a job, a real honest to goodness career. I have an M.A., 10 years government experience, not bilingual and live in Ottawa Canada. Anybody know anybody who would be willing to give me an interview? Office work would be ideal but really anything with potential for growth.
Elinor, go to rbauction.com and apply on the career page. Or you can send me your résumé and I will forward it to on…
This is just the kind of motivational and inspirational post I needed to see! What an amazing outpouring of love and support. Brittany, you really do know how to move people.
I don’t really know what my goals are. I’m at that point in my life where I’m trying to decide if I want to be a mother or not, a decision which I’m probably overthinking. Do I get pregnant and raise a family or do I get my master’s degree and clinical license or do I open that bakery I dream of or…hell, I can’t really afford any of these dreams, so what do I even do with that?!?
Again, probably overthinking all of this. I should just go for it and stop obsessing about what could happen. I’m never going to know if I don’t get out there, right?
So many things I want.
1) I want to give myself a kick up the arse and start eating healthily and exercising. I’m not saying I want to be really thin, I know I’m always going to be curvy, but I’ve been bingeing a lot lately (unhappy) and want to focus on being healthy and a (UK) size 16. I’d be happy with that.
2) I want to get a degree. I’m starting one this October through distance learning, it’s so expensive but I’m hoping that I get accepted for a student loan.
3) I want to learn and work in computers. I’m pretty good in general (Microsoft etc) and create webpages, however I want to learn more and maybe work in programming.
4) I want to meet someone and be with someone who loves me for me and who I am comfortable with. I’ve been alone for a long time because I’m not prepared to be with someone just so I’m not alone, but am scared that I’m never going to meet anyone. Am 30 next year and when I was young I had dreamed that I’d be married with kids by now.
3) Lynda.com is an amazing place to learn anything and everything computers at your pace and you get to pick how you learn.
Thank you Nikki, I will take a look at the site :-)
I fear never being truely taken seriously as aprocrsional. I want to wake up and be able to say, just once “I love what I do”. By nature I’m a leader, manager, consultant and mentor. The fears of Monday and having to sit through 5 days of isolation in a toxic environment is a struggle just so I can “pay my dues”. The ability to lead and metor isn’t something everyone has, but I do and I want to be able to use it. My dream is to consult, write and influence organizations. At an individual level I want to be a career counselor and keep it real for people. It’s tough out there, stop with the fluffy stuff and get to it. More than likely everything your college career center or your grandpa told you was wrong.
Over all I’ve got sass, a flair for life and people listen. I want to take that bigger. I was quite the fan of your buddy Merridth before you. She’s the type of professional that’s inspiring. She’s taken a profession like HR and made it real. Her bubble and network fascinates me.
Thank you for that post. When I saw your post on FB I immediately got goosebumps, because I want to be that way….and I was all Woah! This chick….she is the shit. Also, she looks amazing in all her clothes. So I totally want to be like her.
The things I want to do are,
1. Become a successful counselor, only my finals left before graduating with an MA in Psychology. Although not sure how to get to that point….
2. Try my hand at plus size modeling because I feel that not only will I provide the support other women need but potentially increase my love of my own body by placing myself up there, because I was always told that I was too fat, or not pretty enough. Damnit I am. Why the hell not me. What makes everyone else so much better than me?
3. Be a mother my children can look up to, that will support them, encourage them and never ever make them feel less than the amazing creatures they are. I lost my mom (read: step-mom who was my mom for 13 of my 26 years of life before her passing 2.5 years ago). She provided me with what I needed to grow, thrive and succeed. It was more than I could ever imagine and never got the chance to show her just how much it helped me mature, plan and make better decisions. But one day, I want to have the chance to be that person for my children. Every child deserves it!
Thank you Brittany for helping me learn to love myself more for who I am and not try and change it all because I wasn’t good enough, because I have seen amazing women through your blog, Last Call and other endeavors to show me I am perfect just the way I am, except now I have to dress myself better. ;)
Thank you!
Would it be weird to start off by saying what I DON’T want? Having just graduated from college, I DON’T want a job, I want a career. I want to do what I love and what I spent the last 4 years of my life working towards. I don’t want to be complacent and settle. I would LOVE to be able to start my own graphic design business, I want to have that confidence in myself.
More personally though, I want to work up the confidence to be able to approach guys. I just had my first kiss at 21 and being 22 I still have never even been on a date. It really starts to destroy my self-esteem sometimes and I want to work on stopping that. I want to work on loving myself and being happy, and not just having a happy facade.
Your dead fish metaphor is so much better than the way I tried to explain my depression (and other issues) to my friends. And I, too, remember trying to explain to people that I didn’t want to kill myself; I just wanted to stop living, but it didn’t really matter. I’m still in a weird place with my meds, but things are better now. I’m really glad they’re getting better for you, too.TL;DR: I feel you, Allie, and I’m glad you found that piece of corn.
I want to write about food!
I’ve wanted to start a photography business for nearly 5 years and I kept telling myself that the market was too saturated with photographers and maybe I don’t know quite enough about photography , and all the while other people have jumped in the game and made a local name for themselves and I look at their pictures and know mine are better. So about a month ago, I made a plan and have put it in action to start my own photography business. It may never amount to much of anything or it may flourish, I won’t know till I try and at least I’ll be doing what I love.
I have been thinking about this for most of the weekend! There are a few things that I dream about doing.
I would love to get a memorial scholarship set up at BGSU for my best friend that died while I was here. It’s a lot of money, but I think it would really help people in the program he was in.
I want to have my own research lab. And I want to focus on helping minorities and women feel confident in the sciences, which is still dominated by men.
And one of my frivolous dreams: I want to meet Matchbox Twenty and tell them how much their music has helped me. There is not one time in my life, one event, that their music has not been a part of. When my friend I mentioned died, one of the only things that comforted me was their “Mad Season” album. I listened to it on repeat so often, I wore it out…twice.
I want to be loved by someone who loves me for me. That means I have to be brave enough to not settle for anything less…even when I’m lonely. I want to have sex because I want to have sex…not because I think it will make him stay. I want to do the breaking up…not wait to be broken up with. I want to be ok with being alone and choose to be alone until someone comes along who wants to fight for me. I want to love myself enoughthat I don’t need someone else to do it for me.
While writing and editing are part of my daily job already, I want to write a novel. I have hordes of scenarios that I play out in my head, but until now that’s where they have always stayed.
I want to try acting again. I took some acting classes in college and LOVED it. Ironically enough I have anxiety issues and am not exactly the best person in social situations. However, when I was acting, I could inhabit someone else’s world and use someone else’s words.
I want my kids to see me taking risks and going for things that are important to me so that they’ll grow up learning to do the same.
1.I want to try cute dresses with leggins. Def don’t think I can pull that off
2. I want to win the lottery so my husband and I can afford IVF, … or just our insurance to cover it. Infertility for 3 years. 2 miscarriages, and 1 ectopic pregnancy = one stressed out depressed momma right here.
3.I want to go on a mission trip to Honduras to help orphans.
I want to be a good mom. I want to go to bed at night and not regret something I did during the day. Something I said and shouldn’t have or didn’t say. Some action I regret. I want to stop letting the stresses of being a single mother effect the way I parent. I want my girls to grow up happy and carefree and not stressed and moody like their mother.
I want to meet a man that loves me. One that will not focus in on my size or my wishy-washy relationship with those on my faith. That he will not just see me struggling with kids or anxiety but instead see the whole package and take the good with the bad, because by hell there is a lot of good here and I’m sick and tired of being told the good is not enough to overcome something stupid like fat rolls.
I would like the confidence to put people in their place when they judge me based only on my fat rolls, just once. You don’t like be because of a number on a scale or a size in my jeans? Trust me, you are losing more friends because of you attitude than I am because I’m fat.
And I would love nothing more than to run a petting zoo. I have never owned a pet more exotic than a dog but wouldn’t it be so fun to have chickens and goats and pigs and ponies and then let little kids run around and pet them? yes, yes I think so
I want to write a novel.
I want to build a new house.
I want to work from home.
I want to adopt a foster child. Maybe two. Or three.
Write a book. MOVE OUT OF MY HOMETOWN. Lose weight. Put my boys through college in a few years. Find a part-time job for a 15-year-old. Find a cure for the Deadbeat Dad Disease.
It turns out that I make a lot of fear based decisions. I also make a lot of decisions based on what other people are going to think of me or if I am going to disappoint them. I am afraid of making my Mom mad and her basically disowning me again, so I I pretty much always say yes to whatever she wants me to do. I am working on it. It is a process. My therapist calls it being my authentic self. I know she is right. I don’t lie about myself to people, in fact, I am an open book. However, I don’t usually show people all of me. I feel like I am sort of a handful and most people don’t know exactly what to do with me, or at least that is how I feel . This is why I have so much I want to write, but I can’t. It hurts too much to tell the truth, and it would be painful for others for me to tell the truth. I have some friends who get all of me, but they are few and far between. Plus, I lost one last year because I stood up for myself where I had previously just rolled over and capitulated. I still miss her. We had the most fun.
So the goal is to try. Put me first. Say no to people. Take a few minutes to think about how saying yes or no really affects me and my family before committing to something that others want me to do. I have always felt like I “owned” myself. I mean I know what/who I am. I didn’t realize that all this time I wasn’t actually showing it to very many people. So I am working to be proud of my imperfections, my inner imperfections. I don’t too much care what people think about my appearance. I have a Husband who loves me and has always made me feel good about myself and he taught me how to love/accept my body.
So I am scared to be me, just me and not good PR me. I don’t know who else will go away and I just agonize when I think someone is mad at me. So yes, a work in progress.
Also, I really want more babies. There is no possible way we can afford any more daycare right now so it isn’t in the cards. I am afraid that I am getting too old. I put this cap on myself when I was younger on how old I would stop, and I am knocking on the door of my age cap. I feel like it is a ticking timer telling me that I can’t get the right kind of pay before my time will run out. Ugh.
I want to have a baby. Alone. I’m divorced and yet I am not willing to let it stop me from having one more baby….even though my PCOS might. Sooooo I may need to adopt. No clue how I’ll afford it, but that won’t stop me either.
I also want to write a novel.
I want to stop being the “fat funny girl” and start being the healthy funny girl. I don’t know where to start. I need to find a lifestyle that I can actually live with and have it be an easy transition into my current life. I want to be alive in 15 years not dead because I could not put down the damn cheeseburger. I want to be able to take my kids to Disney and not have to worry that I will be over the weight limit to ride a ride. Or sit on a friends porch in a lawn chair and not be terrified that it is going to collapse under me. I am sick of poking fun at myself so that others wont have a chance too. I want to actually BE confident instead of just pretending to be. I want to run and play and be silly with my kids instead of seating like a water buffalo. Most of all..I want to be able to be me. Just me.
…Saw the post. Just having time to respond…sigh. I am piggy-backing on what some of the other ladies said. I have NO IDEA what I want. And THAT IS the scariest thing of all.
This post came at just the right time for me. I want to own my own business, and make it successful. That’s been going great, but I just had my first set-back. It is so good to be reminded that that is part of the process. I can’t be afraid of those failures, or let them derail me.
I wrote a response to this on my blog, but I also wanted to post here.
i have both a fear of succeeding AND failing. a ridiculous thought really, but it’s one i’ve had my whole life. i think maybe it comes from being somewhat sheltered and parents who always did for me when i should have done for myself. the one thing that i’ve always wanted to do was to get a college degree, but i always let myself be stopped by one thing or another: having kids, getting married, divorced, etc. well, not this time. like i’ve mentioned, i’m getting divorced a second time, but it was the thing that actually pushed me to sign up for a full-time schedule at the community college. i should be almost done there after the spring term then i’ll transfer to a state college. i want to go on amazing trips that i would never be able to go on if i’m still married to stbx…he and i like different things and he drives me nuts w all the planning…i’m more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. so, i’ve decided that i’m going to save up money for the next couple of years so that my girls and i can go on our dream trip to europe. i want a career in maybe some type of counseling, forensics, or private investigation (i’ll have it more sorted the closer i get to graduating). i’m not sure if i ever felt mature enough before now to handle these types of things. i’d also like to get more crafty and sell my crafts, become more adept at photography (one of my courses for fall is a photography class), and learn something new everyday. most of all, i just want to be happy and my kids to be happy. i think letting go of that fear i mentioned earlier is the first step :)
I’m not afraid to try it, but I want to throw out the FIRST PITCH at an Astros home game!! Now if only someone could make that happen. Oh, and meet Justin Timberlake!
I want to write. I want to be my sarcastic, opinionated, obnoxious, and sometimes funny self ALL THE TIME. I want to talk to women with my same mindset. I want to try and comfort the women suffering from endometriosis or other chronic pain with tales of my own woe and hair brained ideas. Directly opposite of my job, I want to interact in a meaningful yet silly way. My life experience is not unique but I want NOT to be afraid to share the raw and ugly truth. I admire those who are unafraid to say FUCK IT! I want in some way to help women understand that we are all perfectly unique, and that is fabulous. I want to inspire my children.
Also, rocking a hot body while doing a remake of “I’m on a boat” is key to my eternal happiness.
on a boat mutha fucka don’t you errrr forget!
I’d like to go full-time with my photography business. Right now, I put in full-time hours, but am stuck in a full-time day job that eats my soul.
I want to love myself. I want to value myself above others. For some reason that’s the hardest thing for me to do. I don’t know why. Admitting it out loud brings me to tears. And it’s not like I’m some shitty person or hideous beast, I just…can’t. I also want to open a sweet shop with my friend that makes amazing cupcakes because I know we both aren’t happy in our current jobs, and it would make us happy.
I want to be friends with you all! AMAZING FUCKING BITCHES, Y’ALL. Everyone one of you.
I want to be inspiring to people. I want people to know they are beautiful and the life that they are living is so interesting that life is happening now and not later when everything is so much better. I want people to embrace what they thing is nothing more than average because it’s always more than beautiful! I to inspire people to love everything they are right now and love the people in their life right now and not later after everything thing has gone to shit and it’s to late to love it all.
I want to be more confident at my job, instead of assuming I got hired by accident and someone is going to figure it out and kick me out of there so an actual smart person can take my place.
But, my big want? I want to LIVE and not just survive. I come from a loooong line of “just survivers” and although I’m proud as heck of their determination and stamina, I mourn their lost passions and pleasures. LET ME LIVE. Deliberately, with conviction and confidence. And let this living be a lesson to my beautiful daughters so that they too can truly live.
And, let me be a little more like Brittany every day :)
I’m probably old enough to be your mother (some of you). I’m amazed by Brittany and am learning from her bravery–even at my age. I’ve taken a lot of chances and failed, but have also perservered (relentlessly and often recklessly)–to write a book and get published; to divorce Mr. Wrong and wait many more years (and raising a daughter) for Mr. Right. And now, in a huge leap of financial faith–we’ve bought a home on the water in Florida.
Keep dreaming, and stay strong. Manifest your destinies!!
And Sara, my sister might be able to help with the memorial fund for your friend at BG. Contact me or FB me Dc Stanfa (my page, not abandoned fan page).
One day, I dream of taking photographs for a living. Right now, I have a pretty standard-issue 8-5 office job, which isn’t that bad and helps pay our bills, but it’s certainly not my dream. I want to live more extraordinarily than that. One day.
I want to be a published author and a full-time blogger/writer. I want to quit being a corporate cubicle monkey but I’m terrified I don’t have the drive to make myself work when there aren’t ‘bosses’ telling me what to do.
And while I’m being honest, what I want more than anything right now is to start dating but I’m scared no man I’m attracted to will want to date me because I have a lot of weight to lose, and I’m working on, but I fear being judged solely by my weight.
I’m the same with the dating. Good luck with it xxx
I hear you both on the dating thing. I am almost 33, and surrounded by those with families and husbands and well…..it sucks. I am so happy for those around me, and I love them all dearly, but I swear to God if I see one more person post their engagement or pregnancy on FB I might run through town with a sword and start stabbing people. Ok, so that is a little extreme, but my Scottish temper is showing =) It’s hard. It’s very hard. I have great friends and a wonderful family, but I come home to an empty apartment every night and I want nothing more then someone to cook dinner for and snuggle on the couch with. Funny thing is, guys ask me all the time “How are you single.” Random people I meet, friends, etc. It is always married guys who are friends of friends, or people I meet out. I’m tired of saying “I don’t know” haha I had been keeping a blog (www.imdatingintheburbs.blogspot.com) where I was tracking some of my wonderful (sense the sarcasm) dating experiences. I haven’t written in a while because I have been having trouble in finding the humor in the depressing, but we all need to keep in mind that we aren’t alone in these experiences. That was my whole purpose for writing at all, to hopefully have someone read it and say “Shit, I’m not alone. This girl has had this happen to her too.” Being single can feel so lonely sometimes, so we need to find a way to link ourselves together and realize that we aren’t alone. Hopefully someday we can all find out prince and laugh at these times that cause us so much pain. Until then, we can find comfort in each other. xoxo
First off I want to say…Brittany, you are seriously someone I look up to. Ive been reading your blog nonstop and i relate to so many things you talk about. The intimacy issues because your not comfortable with you body, the anxiety…which sometimes gets too much to handle. I didnt think anyone else shared some of the thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis but your blog is literally my inner workings.
Okay, so I WANT to get the courage to go back to school for forensic science. I want to do something that is completely interesting and will always have my mind working. Im worried that we wouldnt be able to afford for me to go back. And im alittle scared to anyways.
Again Brittany, Thank you so much. You truly are changing my perception of my body and the way I think about it.
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