It’s a chilly, let’s share stories under a blanket and cry our faces off on Robin Roberts last day, kind of day. Also, I’m sick as hell and I am flipping off that whole starve a cold theory and drowning it in cream filled donuts and chocolate milk. I can’t actually taste anything, but I don’t even care.
So in spirit of that, much like when we spent the day venting all the rage we didn’t have a chance to say out loud, I propose we dig in on the couch in our sweatpants and share stories and confessions today.
I’ll tell you five of mine, and I’m dying to hear yours.
1. After I drop all the kids off at school, I listen and sing along to 90’s Gangster rap in the car on the way home.
2. My biggest self-splurge is on my hair. I go to the salon, alone without kids, once every 3-4 weeks. I use it in place of therapy.
3. I hate The Middle. I keep trying to love it because everyone says it’s hilarious, but I just cannot get into it.
4. I spend a lot of time thinking about how to be a Catholic right now.
5. I know more Will Ferrell quotes than Shakespeare quotes.
1. I snack regularly on deviled eggs. Yep. I’ll boil 5 eggs, devil ’em & eat them. All. a couple times a week. My body is weird, no weird bm’s or egg laced farts.
2. I was elated when my son started Kindergarten 3 weeks ago. Didn’t shed a tear. I drop him off, tell him how great he is & he can be an astronaut, etc. Come back home and sleep for 4 hours. By MYSELF. No small child kicking me in my sternum. No husband snoring like a freaking moose, ignoring his sleep apnea.
3. My husband works a lame schedule for a lame Company (Dishnet work sucks), which requires me to set an alarm for when he comes home for lunch. Giving myself 5 minutes to rinse off face and run to kitchen (very short distance) to hold broom in hand. Or, just open up dishwasher like it might do something on it’s own. And no, I dont have lunch ready the minute he walks in the door, shit I’m barely awake, plus he’ll be home for like 3 hours.
4. I hate The Middle, which leads me to my laundry situation. I even hate the easy part of just switching from washer to dryer. Outdoor wash room in AZ is stupid. If clothes aren’t removed 5 minutes after done washing, they smell like mildew ass & well, that means I re-wash clothes regularly.
5. I’m 4 days late on my period. This sucks for several reason’s, here’s some:
1.I’m 38 and I’m tired with just one & he’s pretty self sufficient where he needs to be, i.e letting momma nap. 2. I have a 2004 BMW which I convince myself is really cool. It won’t fit a booster and a carseat. I’m not getting rid of my car. Dr. Dre on Harman Kardon speakers, so there. 3. PPD sucks ass. Don’t feel up to dropping my basket AGAIN. 4. Why don’t we use BC you may ask? Because I already have an extended stay in pergatory and my Catholic guilt bought into all that family planning bs & know your body & you wont get pregnant. whatev. Either way I dont want anymore time added to pergatory floating around as an unsettled soul, anxious, etc…Oh shit. I’m living in pergatory.
pugatory, not pergatory:)
you won’t necessarily have PPD with a second baby… (trying to be comforting)
Thanks Dana, I hope you’re right! I had it really bad with my first. Rt now I’m 4 days late…We’ll see!
The best way to start a Thursday… via confessions.
1) I have to have the volume on an even number like 18 or 24. I make exceptions for “ending in 5” because it’s half of an even number.
2) I constantly talk to myself, pretending I’m having a conversation with someone like my boss, stranger I will supposedly meet at a tailgating party, or *the* ex-boyfriend I hope to someday run into. “Oh hey! How ARE you?!”
3) Just turned 30 and want to have a baby… but my ovaries are the age of a 40 year old and I’m scared shit-less that I won’t be able to make my own kids. But the REAL secret is – I’m mostly pissed because I really want to have kids with my husband because he’s Chinese and I’m white – and we’d make ADORABLE half-Asian babies. I better get effing preggo, damn it.
4) Related to the above, my friend started trying for kids around the same time as I did, but like 3 months later. She told me this week that she’s pregnant. While I am so-so-so happy for her, I wanted to punch her then run and cry in a corner.
5) If you don’t know who Marvin Gaye, Teddy Pendergrass, or Jeffrey Osborne is – then I feel like I need to sit you down and have a music intervention. How have you made-love without “Turn Off the Lights”?!
the end.
Christie – #1 – Holy Cow! I thought I was the only one – even numbers rule, except for 5. Also, I’m the same way with the temperature gauge. Sometimes, though, when I’m feeling frisky, I will set the temp on 69 and smirk :)
I totally do the volume thing.
You people are weird – odd numbers only! TV volume, thermostat, radio… everything – I even do odd minutes when I bake or microwave things.
Me too Jamie!
Okay, so I get the volume thing. I just had to point out that the way you explained it by saying 5 is half of an even number…so is every odd number. Any odd number doubled makes an even number, lol. That said, I adjust my volume the same way!
1. I have a gym boyfriend. What I mean by that is I have a huge crush, blush when I see him, and make sure we have the same working out schedule. OMG I LOVE HIM.
2. When I go shopping and can’t get the things put away before Hubby comes home, I put them in the washing machine. He will never find them there.
3. I hate my brother in law so much it is a little unhealthy. He is a smug prick.
4. Since my infertility diagnosis, our sex life sucks. I don’t want to have sex because now it’s like a disappointment when we don’t get pregnant…so terrible.
5. If you like gangsta rap, look up “Gimme Dat Nut” by Eazy E. It is the filthiest, most hilarious song in the world.
I laughed pretty hard at number 2 and want to hug you for number 4. *random hug from a stranger…*
Thanks…I needed that hug! Infertility sucks…
I thought I was the only “old married lady” who had Eazy-E on her iPod. Gimme dat Nut is good, but I prefer Real Mutherfuckin Gs :P
Sweet Black Pussy is even better.
Me too! I get gimme that nut stuck in my head all-the-time.
Once my ex husband got his infertility diagnosis our sex life tanked too…it was kind of like what’s the point right? I know you’re supposed to enjoy it regardless but when you want the end result to be a baby and you know it’s not gonna happen then it get’s a little hard…was there for 4 years!
OMG! Right? So hard.
I feel for you on #4. I’m facing some pretty hardcore issues and as much as I used to love sex, due to issues and pain and discomfort, it just isn’t what I want it to be.
Much love <3
I heart Eazy E so much! It’s On & Gimme That Nut are my all time favorite running songs. It’s hard not to smile when you’re running when the SAHM group from your sons school and E is screaming in your ears about getting laid and smoking weed.
just one for right now….i am very happily married, but still stalk my ex on facebook because i want to feel like i “won”.
i did.
HA! I do the same thing!!
glad i’m not the only one :) ps, he still lives in his parent’s basement
YESS!! Are you kidding?!? One ex? Ha! I stalk two of my ex-boyfriends!!! And I definitely won!
1. I talk to myself all the time. When I had my daughter I started doing it in front of her, she couldn’t understand any way right! She is now 10 and has stopped asking who I’m talking to. She just thinks I’m crazy.
2. I pee my pants on a fairly regular basis. I can’t help it, I’m funny as hell! :)
3. I sneak chocolate even when no one is home to catch me. They wouldn’t even care but I still feel the need to sneak.
4. My daughter and I sing ridiculously loud when it’s just us in the car. We pretend to be rock GODS!
1. I don’t trust my best girlfriend since she had a year long affair with a married man (she is married too).
2. My boyfriend who is the love of my life has ED and it’s awful!
3. I like to smoke weed on special occasions.
4. I feel that at every step of my grooming as a female the message is that you offer sex and/or oral favors to your mate if they have made you happy=blow job, they take you on a wonderful date=sex, take you on an all expenses paid trip to Germany=anal sex. Am I wrong?
How was Germany?
HA!!
No Germany trip yet.
1. When I’m in my car alone, I play music that I think makes me seem interesting or deep. I pretend that someone is secretly watching me and observing my behavior and judging me on what I listen to.
2. Carrie was one of my least favorite characters on Sex in the City. I thought *and still think* some of the outfits they dressed her in were absolutely ABSURD and I could not connect to her character even though I was supposed to.
3. I don’t think I’ll ever learn how to cook.
4. I wish I could bring my cat everywhere with me. Bars, parties, work, everywhere!
5. I wish I could be more assertive with my friends.
I want to bring my cat everywhere too. Seriously! And when I’m at work, I wish I had a nanny cam so I could see what he was doing at home!
One of my clients told me they Skype with their cat when working long days or out of town.
1. I listen to country and western music.
2. When I here a really stupid song about trucks or partying in the sticks I change the station over to a classic country station to redeem myself from just listening to something really, really stupid.
3. I believe that country and western singers should never, ever, never try to rap. Just… no.
4. I’m talking about completely unimportant stuff today because I can’t really talk about what I want to talk about because it was an article about where I work and I don’t want to get fired.
1. I am obsessed with teeth, and if someone has really yucky teeth (like dirty and black, not necessarily a straight-teeth thing), I will not hire them. I find it too distracting. So I guess I teeth-discriminate. There’s probably a law or something that I am violating there.
2. If my husband ever dies or leaves me, and I hope he doesn’t do either of those things, I already know who I’ll marry next. I’ll bet you’re going to call me tonight to find out who that person is…
3. I refuse to learn how to Fed-Ex something at work, since that would just result in one more task I have to assume for people who also don’t know how to do this at work.
4. I secretly (and sometimes openly) smoke when I drink. I effing love it.
5. I don’t like things to touch my neck. I feel like I am being choked. I don’t know why this is.
Totally agree on the teeth thing. I even have trouble connecting with TV/movie characters if they have weird (not necessarily gross) teeth.
Is it wrong that I kind of adore number 4? Because I was honestly starting to feel like the last female smoker…
I am the same about #5. I do not, will not wear turtlenecks or anything with a close neck
I once kicked my wife in the shin pretty hard while we were sleeping – I was having some kind of dancing dream that I was apparently acting out.
I blamed it on the dog trying to jump on the bed.
That’s ok Ely, my husband once hit me in the jaw when he had a violent twitch… He couldn’t blame that one on the cat. We no longer “spoon” while we sleep.
I, TOO, can not get into The Middle. I just don’t get what the fuss is about.
That’s all i got…
1. If my husband ever leaves me, or dies, I already know who I will marry. I like to have a plan. I hope he never leaves me or dies. And I’m sure you’ll call me tonight to get the name of my back-up plan.
2. I cut the bottoms of my feet. It’s super weird and sometimes it hurts.
3. I eat ice. All the ice. Out of any drink I am ever drinking with ice. Sometimes I put my hands in the drink and just scoop the ice out of it.
4. I don’t like thing to touch my neck.
5. Sometimes I pretend like I’m pooping to read.
If you’re eating ice all the time I would bet that you’re anemic
haha, I totally steal time in the bathroom to read… books or blogs!
But yeah, if you’re craving ice (that’s usually more than just eating it out of your drinks), you should get your iron levels checked.
Sorry for the double comment! I didn’t the think the first one worked, and I could t remember what I had confessed the first time around. Guess I have a lot to say…
The cutting of your feet is concerning…and I totally pretend to poop, but at work. I do it to check messages on my phone, which I can’t have out when we’re busy.
This looks like fun!
1. Like a lot of people, I talk to myself. I’ll retread conversations I’ve had with people in the past. I’ll talk through what I should have said in the present. My husband does it, too. I assumed it was an only child thing.
2. Although I’m a firm believer in access to birth control for everyone, I’m very, very, very pro-life. And I’m scared to admit this to my feminist friends. I’m also considering volunteering at a local right to life organization, and I’m scared to tell my husband.
3. I’m an NRA member. And I’m also scared to admit that to some of my friends. (I believe in the second amendment as much as I believe in the first.)
4. I fantasize about men that aren’t real. Like Eric Northman.
5. I converted from Catholicism years ago, and we had our marriage celebration in my new religion. I still like my new religion, but I kind of want to go back to being Catholic (and take my son) because it’s what I grew up with and it’s easier. (Also there are no Hindu temples here.) (Also, I’m scared to tell my husband this.)
Do the things you’re passionate about! Do what you know is right. That’s the most important thing you could teach your son! Set an example for him that you believe in. Your husband will still love the woman he married <3
I know he will. I guess I just feel kind of like I’m being lazy by reverting back. I’m planning on easing my son into church this month.
It’s not lazy if it’s the right thing to do! More power to you, I say :-)
Thanks! I really needed to hear that tonight :)
Also, what you said about doing what I know is right reminded me of something my dad has always told me. And it reinforced that I’m making the right decision. So thank you again :)
Being pro-birth-control and pro-life are not necessarily at odds. As far as the Crisis Pregnancy center / Right-To-Life org, though, I’d do a little research and make sure this is REALLY something you want to align yourself with. A lot of them flat-out lie to the people that come to them for help, and I don’t think it’s ever right to be dishonest to advance your cause, no matter how noble your intentions. Is there another way you could do “pro life” work in your community… maybe volunteering with an organization that provides services for young/disadvantaged mothers and their babies/children? I think that would be so much more satisfying, and you could come home every night feeling like you did something truly GOOD in support of your beliefs.
That’s a good point, and definitely something to consider. I couldn’t be supportive of an organization that purposely spread dishonest information.
In my community the crisis pregnancy centers are the best place to find services for mothers and their babies. They’re connected to many private resources including adoption, families who will host moms in danger/without a job in their homes, medical financial help, etc. Definitely do your research but don’t assume a staunchly pro-life organization is providing false information!
I actually go to abortion clinics with information on those kinds of resources for the moms who didn’t think CPCs would actually help.
That’s interesting! The ones in my area are definitely not that way.
Either way, what’s important is that you’re eager to back up your beliefs through service to others. World needs more of that.
1. I run 25-30 miles a week because i have insane writers block/anxiety right now, and it makes me feel like at least i accomplish something. Plus it assuages the horrible guilt i feel for eating too many cookies and/or peanut m&ms.
2. I hate other people’s children, i think the human race is destroying itself through overpopulating this planet, but i am desperate to have a baby with my husband. I use our poverty as the excuse, but we could figure it out. Guilt and fear are paralyzing me.
3. My husband’s smoking is flagrantly diminishing his health, but i am more concerned that his pack a day habit has burned up $1200 of our money this year ALONE. it makes me sick to think how selfish that is.
4. I flirt at my job as a barista. A. Lot. It doesn’t mean anything, but i use it to boost my confidence and make me feel less disgusting and old (i am 30).
I’m with you on the smoking. He uses money we could use on things we need for a disgusting habit that is slowly killing him. I’m sick of it. He refuses to quit cold turkey and I think he’s just being a pussy. I did it after smoking for 6 years, so he can too.
I stopped because when it became legal (18), it also became boring. I think if we legalized substances there would be less abuse.
Smoking is a sore subject in our house. I was a smoker so I get it, it’s hard to quit. But don’t chew my ass when I buy a $12 lego toy for our son once a week. Oh and don’t smoke in the fucking house! It’s the only thing we ever fight about.
1. I have a huge obsession with Abe Lincoln. Vampire hunter and real life stuff. I have read more books and seen more movies and TV programs on him than I care to admit. I think that if he was more attractive, people would be less weirded out by this.
2. I quote Seinfeld and Will Farrell constantly. People get about 50% of them. I always find them funny as shit and laugh anyways.
3. I watch Dance Moms. AND LOVE IT.
4. When looking for roommates, I decided NOT to live with a girl because she told me that her favorite movie was Eat, Pray, Love.
5. I once won a rap-off against a marine, to “My Dick”. Yes, I know all the words (Google the song- it’s hilarious!!)
My dick so hot it’s stolen. Your dick looks like Gary Coleman.
LOVE MICKEY!
LOVE Seinfeld, and always appreciate someone who gets my constant references :-)
Completely agree with your decision on the roommate.
1.- When I go to a new place for whatever reason (Offices, mall, someone´s house) I can´t help but to look around for a good place to hide in case I need it… you know like a zombie attack.
2.- I read the Twilight saga AND loved it. I can´t say that outloud to anyone because in my former life (Before baby) I was a literature teacher.
3.- I was raised a feminist and feel like I let my parents down for now being a stay at home mom. Which I love most of the time! Even when my baby girl is driving me crazy or the house work is piling up.
4.- When storing or displaying fruit in a fruit bowl I have to have a separate bowl for each kind of fruit. I don´t like my fruit touching. Fruit salad? NEVAH!
5.- When someone asks me for a family recipe I google it and give them the first recipe that pops up. No remorse!
There’s nothing anti-feminist about being a stay-at-home mom if that’s what makes you happy. It’s only anti-feminist if you had no other options to choose from.
Be cleansed of your guilt! :)
Thank you for your words. I never thought of it that way. Sometimes it helps having someone else looking at our situation to realize there´s always another way to do things :-)
Ha! I laughed so hard at #5! I like sharing ones I get elsewhere, but the recipes I create out of pure inner-inspiration will only be passed on in my will when I die.
1) Since my divorce was finalized over a year ago, I decided to be happy. Do what makes me happy…since then, I have had the “F” word used to describe me…and by “F” word I mean “FUNNY”…anyone who knows me does not normally call me funny…but I am apparently a hoot now…especially when under the influence of my best friend…Jose Cuervo.
2) My happy place is my Zumba class…it does not matter what has gone down or what has caused all these damn grey hairs…the second that music starts I forget that I am drowning in $3300 of credit card debt, am 28 and live with my mom b/c I cannot financially support myself and have almost $600 in bills and only make about $1200/mo. Nothing matters…I am the happiest person in the world when that music is playing!
3) I seriously cannot find 5.5 walls to rent for less than $650. I mean the last quote I saw was for 415 sq ft studio (hence the 5.5 walls…1.5 walls to enclose the bathroom) was $675…WTF!!!!
4) I have OCD when it comes to certain things. My CDs and DVDs are alphabetized in a specific order. When I eat anything with multiple colors or shapes (like Skittles or Runts), I separate them by color or shape and then eat them from the least amount to the largest amount. I have apparently done this my whole life and it is how my mom kept me occupied when she went grocery shopping when I was little.
5) I get crazy cravings…like pregnant women do except I am very much not pregnant. For example…right now what I really want is spicy ahi poke (thanks to my mom) and black forest cake. Another crazy craving has been sushi, black olives, dill pickles and chocolate peanut butter ice cream (yep…all at the same time).
Just thought of another one that every regular woman will think is crazy. I cannot STAND taking off my bra!! I even sleep in one. Showers and changing and stuff are not enjoyable to me for this reason. There can be a temporary exception for sex, but the instant it’s over, the bra is the first thing that happens.
If it makes you feel better, my most recent ex kept her bra on all the time too. You’re not alone.
1. I hate shoe shopping.
2. Every January 1st, for the past 4 years, I’ve decided to read the Bible from the beginning. I get through Genesis and lose my motivation – every year.
3. I ate an entire half-gallon of ice cream in the last 3 days.
4. My secret indulgence (besides ice cream) is going through the automatic car wash. 3 minutes of peace for $9.00 (Deluxe is the only way to go.)
Did that with my Bible reading too until I followed a plan that jumped around instead of plowing through from the beginning. So much more interesting, and a great way to see parallels.
1. I feel guilty because my husband and I get along so well. I see other couples in disfunction and am thankful to have what we have, but I still feel guilty about it like I don’t deserve the happiness and respect.
2. I watch TV in my underware, just my underware when I know there won’t be anyone home.
3. I love when I crack myself up. When I’m the only one in the family laughing at my joke it makes me laugh harder.
4. I adore when my puppy’s feet smell like fritos. Yup I sniff them.
5. I think I’m friends with you Brittany beacause I read your blog.
I totally feel like Brittany is my friend too. In fact, I think if we ever met in person, she’d be freaked out by me because I know I would hug her for the longest time. I’d probably cry too for having actually met her in person. I’m totally NOT a stalker and I’m (mostly) normal. I just feel like she’s a great friend. Sorry to be so weird.
I talk about Brittany to my boyfriend when he comes home from work.
“You’re never gonna guess what Brittany said today!”
“I can’t believe how much Gigi looks like her!”
“Andy just got this crazy new helicopter thing that you would love! You guys could fly your whirly things together!”
I’m such a creep. But he knows who I’m talking about.
And he totally knows what I’m talking about
HAHAH! I love this times infinity!!!
I do this too! Does it make me a creepy stalker? I hope not because I’m mostly normal too!
Not weird at all, we can just hug and cry together, our weirdness becoming the basis for our friendship!
#5 is my favorite. Where do you live, if I get there, we’re hanging out!
Just outside of Chicago – maybe we can all hang out. “We are the five best friends that any-one can have…”
I’m in Massachusetts, come visit! I promise to leave my clothes on when we watch tv. We can drink fantastic margaritas. I have a recipe from my friend Brittany!
I am down to fly in from San Diego for that kind of meeting! :-)
I feel THE SAME WAY about Ms. Gibbons…. I just…I am feeling everything she is putting down on a daily basis. Maybe a fan club would be good? haha
How about Central CA? We have ummm peaches yeah we have peaches oh and 2 hours away is an artichoke festival….oh wait boring huh. Crap Brittany we don’t have anything fun…but my friends and easy access to a super walmart with cheap booze. yeehaw!
1. I too was raised a strict catholic and just baptized my daughter in the church because, of course, that’s what my mom wanted. But I don’t agree with some of the teachings of the church and am not sure I really want to be any religion. But I wouldn’t change now because it would hurt my mom and I don’t want to give my Methodist-raised husband the satisfaction of going to another church. I feel like a fraud. What will I do when it’s time to send her to CCD?!?!
2. My father was an abusive alcoholic that died a few years ago. And while I mourn never getting to be a “daddy’s girl”, and deep down he was a good man, my life is so much more calm and normal with him gone. His death brought me peace, and most of the time I’m glad he’s gone.
3. I used to be a size 2 without effort and now I’m a size 12. I now hate my skinny friends for obsessing about exercise and food and joke they’re too thin, while I secretly hate myself because I don’t have the discipline to start working out or stop eating what I want whenever I want.
4. I have recently stopped brushing my teeth before I go to bed. So I just brush once a day. I take off my makeup, wash my face, put pajamas on, but I don’t brush my teeth! I used to be obsessive about my teeth! How gross am I?
5. I am obsessed with picking zits. I could easily spend an hour examining my skin in the bathroom. When I hear my husband coming into the master bedroom, I quickly start doing something else so he won’t catch me doing it. Like the red splotches don’t give me away.
I discovered your blog recently and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it! It makes me truly laugh out loud. I too think you’re my friend and wished I lived near you so we could hang out. I promise I’ll start brushing my teeth more if that happens ;) In fact, while going back through your whole website and reading from the beginning, I was so obsessed that when my husband said something dumb one day, I almost said “shut the fuck up Andy” but caught myself. His name is not Andy. That could have been awkward.
I work at a vet clinic and don’t worry…we even have the term “frito feet” that we use to describe when a patient’s feet smell like fritos. Its a dog thing and I love it!
1. I can never remember if I am supposed to buy salted or unsalted butter.
2. I’m an excellent speller, but not when it comes to the word “grateful” (I always, ALWAYS spell it as “greatful” first).
3. When the tv show “Wishbone” went off the air, my mom told me it was because the dog who played Wishbone got hit by a car. And I believed her…for years.
4. I’m 25, and I’ve realized that if it comes down to it, I would rather have a child than a husband.
5. One of my best friends introduced me to her friends as “the mean one”, and it made me feel really terrible. Now I worry constantly that I am a mean person, and I worry that people don’t want to be around me because of it.
i do the same thing when buying butter! i always panic and go with salted because it just sounds more delicious.
I rehearse conversations in my head – especially when I’m on my way to work and I’m running late. Like this morning. I had a whole routine ready about how my husband was doing some laundry this morning (I’m lucky!) and I had to wait for him to bring my clothes in so I’d have something to wear – and then how traffic sucks once school starts. No one ever asks. My rehearsed excuses always go unused.
When I’m alone in the car, I act like a guy. Scratch, pass gas, belch loudly. When I’m with my husband, I pretend like these things offend me.
I often sit at my desk and stare at my computer, or play hundreds of games of Hearts or Freecell. Sometimes I spend a whole day at work without actually accomplishing anything.
1. My ex-boyfriend– who asked me to move in with him and bought me a dog- had a wife (not separated!) he forgot to tell me about. When I did find out, I made the “reveal” a night he will never forget. But not before I made him buy me $20k of jewelry and co-sign for my boob job…
2. I was very overweight for the first 26 years of my life, and so I was naturally sensitive and empathetic to those who struggled with weight. A little over a year ago, I made radical changes to my diet and exercise regimen and lost more than 100 lbs. Now I find myself thinking critically about other overweight women– like they’re lazy or just not disciplined enough. And the former fat girl in me hates me for it. I don’t want to be ugly on the inside. I know it’s just my fear that I’ll get fat again and my own self hatred of who I was when I was fat.
3. Ive been saying for years that while I love kids, I think they ruin your life and id rather just have dogs. And it’s true– a huge part of me feels like the time and effort and sacrifices entailed with being a GOOD parent (read: the opposite of my own mother) are just not worth it. I’d rather be deeply involved in a few childrens’ lives as an aunt figure. I love my freedom, independence, privacy, money, time, etc. But there is another part of me that can’t simply can’t imagine never getting to have a baby of my own. I know I still have time to decide… But the ambivalence drives me nuts.
4. There are some “big” words that I would love to use in conversation– but I avoid them because I’m not sure of the pronunciation.
5. I feel like my graduate degree was a waste of three years, $150k, and a good deal of my sanity. I wish I had the courage to have pursued something I loved rather than what I thought was a safe, make-mom-and-dad-proud choice.
I love your wonderful, brutal honesty. Thank you for #2.
1. I have mad trust issues. They are extremely well founded, but the problem is that I over trust what people say, but I try not to disclose anything. I just don’t trust people to give a shit about who I am and what I need.
2. When I was a little girl, all I wanted was to get married and have babies young like my mom did (she got married at 22 and had me at 25). But the more boys I meet, the more artificial insemination when I turn 30 sounds ballin.
3. I used to LOVE running. Now it seems like the biggest chore. Which makes me sad, because I’m a curvy girl and the only way I can keep my body at a normal weight is by….running.
4. If I could, I’d love to go to India and be trained as a yoga teacher and do that with the rest of my life. Or I’d follow Mumford and Sons around the world. I’d rather be around their words than around most people.
5. I’m starting to wonder if sex is all it’s cracked up to be. I know, I know, crazy, but I went through my Twilight-esque new Vampire MUST HAVE ALL THE BLOOD phase, and I’m just wondering if it’s ever really going to be something I enjoy.
1. I spent the majority of my life looking down on housewifes for being vapid and ambitionless and stupid. I’m having a really hard time coping with the fact that I am one now. Both for the guilt I feel about having thought those things, and wondering what it says about me now. My father rarely talks to me anymore and I think it’s because he’s disappointed that I’m just a housewife.
2. I’m pretty sure that if I was not with my husband I would be a lesbian.
3. Despite ^ I have the best marriage of any that I’ve ever even heard of and feel smug on a daily basis that I beat everyone.
4. When I hear that my husband is home, I panic and look around to make sure that I’m not doing anything wrong. My parents were really strict and I was always terrified of them as a child and that anxiety has never left me.
5. At around 4 o’ clock, I do just enough noticeable housework so it doesn’t look like I just sat around all day watching Nick Jr with the kids.
Holy shit. With the exception of number 1 and using the word “anxiety” I totally could have written these. Damn.
I need to change my confession because, #2 & #3, me too. I am in the best marriage ever but IF he died after cheating on me, well… I’m just sayin’.
Ditto #3. Despite my earlier stated fears about telling my husband about church (which are in my head, and not indicative of my husband’s behavior), we have the best marriage of anyone we know. Sometimes, we watch bad reality TV (Wife Swap, mainly, but also Dr. Phil among other things) and congratulate ourselves on choosing each other. Sometimes I watch those shows just to feel superior to other people in the world. I feel smug, too.
I avoid taking the garbage out. I will pile full bags next to the can until the smell gets too bad to stand or one of my house guests offers to take it out. I am obsessively clean about pretty much everything else.
I own my own business and volunteer and participate in several musical ensembles; I only take one day off a month (if I’m lucky) and all I want to do is sleep, order pizza, and watch TV alone. Pretty sure I’ll never get married because it’s doubtful I’ll meet Mr. Right on the recliner in my living room.
I am introverted and a control freak. I will make any excuse to avoid groups of people unless I can plan the whole thing or at least manage something so I have something to do. Attend an event where I get to “relax” as a guest? NEVER. And I mean never. Not at weddings, not at church events, not at birthday parties… never.
1. I am 8 weeks pregnant and only the inner circle knows. We are waiting for a later week to break the news. I am so excited and bursting to tell everyone.
2. I am 8 weeks pregnant and terrified to be a mother. Lol.
3. I keep sneaking snacks behind my husband’s back, but I think he is on to me. The other night he said I smelled liked pickles so I acted offended. The reality was I had just eaten three huge pickles while I cooked dinner.
4. I consider certain blog writers *ahem* to be celebrities and when they like or post something specifically to me, it makes me as giddy as a schoolgirl.
5. My secret indulgence is to blow money on a really great pedicure or massage. I need to schedule another soon.
on number 3: Pregnancy cravings are a wonderful thing. And a beautiful excuse.
1. I know I’m my parents least favorite child (I have two siblings) and I’m okay with it. I don’t think they know I know.
2. I, like many of the lovely people above, talk to myself. A lot. At work, at the gym and way too much while grocery shopping.
3. I’m terrified of growing old on the superficial level. The wrinkles and sagging body parts completely freak me out….probably because I was a very self-conscious child/teen and that has translated to being a half self-conscious half vain adult.
4. I have dreams of singing songs solo at karaoke nights, but I have never done it. I love singing, but I can’t carry a tune. I hear songs and think, “this would be a great karaoke song!”
5. I used to hate when my husband would be out of town on over night trips. Now I love sleeping in our bed alone every once in a while.
1. I haven’t shampooed my hair in seven weeks. Gross, right? I saw something on Pinterest (of course) preaching the gospel of non-shampooing for curly hair and I tried it. My hair (which usually looks good thanks to its curls being easy for lazy me) looks better than it ever has. We (myself and my husband) are both flabbergasted by it.
2. I have an incredibly foul mouth. If I think about it, I sometimes wonder if I curse so much to see how conservative the people I am talking to are or if I just want to impress them more by still being intelligent (which of course stems from my mother and grandmother constantly telling me that using “bad language” proves to others that you do not know a better word).
3. I hate it when I write/say a poorly constructed sentence. (See my bullet 2 for an example.) More than anything else I can do or not do, I feel it makes me look like a complete dumbass.
4. I do not believe that all men [women too] are created equal. Some people are better than others. Myself and my husband are some of them.
5. I still hate calling him “my husband;” not quite as much as I hated “boyfriend” for eleven years before getting married. I feel like either word cheapens what we have as so many people use those words and fuck the value of them with their shitty relationships.
6. With the exception of Oma, I am the strongest woman I know. This has kept me from having any female “best” friends as all the women I’ve met just seem so weak to me with their insecurities and/or acerbic dialogue and/or inauthenticity etc. etc.. Sometimes I feel bad about this as I may be missing out on something awesome, sometimes I wear it proudly.
#1, I’ve been married less than 2 years and I don’t like my husband. Barely tolerate him. If I could afford to live alone and if I didn’t LOVE his family, I’d certainly be single.
#2, I have no sex drive anymore because of #1.
#3, I don’t know what “The Middle” is.
#4, I had my almost 21 year old daughter when I was 18. I love her immensely, but sometimes feel a little bummed that I never had a child “the right way”. Also feel bummed that no one ever WANTED me to have their baby.
#5, I’m leaving for the beach in a few hours for a long weekend and wish I were going with ANYONE but my husband.
1. I have never wanted to punch someone in the throat as much as I want to do that to Calliou. I don’t care that he is animated or a child.
2. I can’t smell anything.
3. I wanted a tail when I was a kid. Not one of those creepy human spine tail things, but like, a cat’s tail.
4. I daydream about moving to L.A. and being a casting director.
5. I am starting to really like New Direction.
I still want a cat tail. I think it would be a great tool for getting my students’ attention. Or letting them know when I’m pissed.
Oh! As far as your #4 goes…after being a cradle Catholic, going to Catholic schools, teaching at a Catholic school and my husband converting…we now go to an Episcopal church with a female priest, a deacon who happens to be a lesbian and the median age for parishioners is (surprisingly) like 73. It fits us so much better. It just got too difficult for me to reconcile what I know is right with what the church is teaching. I wish you luck while you figure this out. I have been struggling with this for years…
we’ve been thinking about becoming Episcopalian, actually. Both my husband and I were cradle catholics. Baptised, married, baptised the kids–the works. Haven’t been to church in ages because I can’t stand it. But I’m really nervous about switching, mostly b/c I don’t know how it will change family dynamics.
The way my family would react was a huge concern for me. I mean, my mom was my husband’s RCIA sponsor 2 years ago, for goodness sake. I knew she would be upset. We get passive-aggressive comments here and there from my parents, but I just ignore it or simply say, “This is where we’re going now.” It is hard though. I know it would have been easier in some ways to stay in the Catholic church, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. My heart and my spirit needed something else.
I love, love, love my church, and am proud to be Episcopalian. I love the acceptance of ALL the families and couples and people that attend. I just couldn’t take my kids to a church that said “All are welcome here” unless they really meant it.
In march of 2011, my life came crashing down before me when YEARS of depression, isolation, lying, and seeking “fake” relationships with people on the Internet came to a head and landed me in jail. Me– a quiet, intelligent, “good girl” from an intact, respectable, upper middle class family. In JAIL. For six awful, horrible nights. It was the worst experience of my life.
But it saved me. Just over a year later, I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the girl looking back at me. She’s kinder. She’s honest. She’s found a groove socially and has friends and even an awesome boyfriend. She’s even half the size she was then. She works hard and rediscovered ambitions. She has hobbies and interests. She’s hopeful and actually happy. And she’s actually THANKFUL for that worst experience of her life; it saved her.
My only wish is that I could let go of some of the shame that I feel about the awful things that I’ve done so that i could be more open about sharing my journey with people i love.
1. I’m really, really, really nice… to your face. My husband calls me the closet asshole because I’ll say things in front of him that I would NEVER.IN.A.MILLION.YEARS say out loud to anyone else. He really likes that side of me though.
2. When I was a child, I thought my mom put trick mirrors in our house because everyone always told me I was beautiful, but I didn’t believe them. To this day, I still cannot take a compliment. If someone tells me my shoes are cute, I freak the fuck out and totally dress down because of it.
3. I’m terrified to go to a therapist or counselor because I feel my life is good and I don’t want to destroy it. I know there are skeletons that are in my closet and I’m really afraid to look because it might change things.
4. When I feel slightly sick, I pretend it’s worse than it really and I call in sick from work, drop the kids off at daycare so I can stay in my jammies all day, nap and watch TV.
5. Vacation sex. If hubby and I get the chance to go out of town without the kids, we get no-holds-barred- freaky and I love it.
I do the same thing with compliments! I literally feel sick to my stomach when someone says something nice to me. I just know they are lying, and it makes me so uncomfortable. :(
– I might be the only person in the world who doesn’t like breaking bad or big bang theory
– Im terrified of basements, wont go in a basement by myself ever! Or if someone is with me all the lights have to be on.
– Im a 23 year old white girl from utah but I can rap like a motha…
By the way, I’ve been reading for a while, and I love you! So many times I feel all these things.. emotions I guess is what people are calling them… and I can never express myself, then I read one of your posts and it’s like YES! thats it! I feel that! I struggle with my body image and my weight.. I’m curvy and I hate my body sometimes, most of the time, really, but reading all the stuff you put out there is so therapeutic.. yeah, I just wanted to say thank you!
This is amazing, thank you.
Bekah, you are not the only person who doesn’t like Big Bang Theory. I hate it! I think it’s one of the dumbest shows ever, and whenever I see any of it, all I can say is “Why do people think this is funny? It’s not funny!!!”
I thought of another one.
6. When I see emails/tweets/facebook posts by people, in my head I read them in that person’s voice.
1. I have a 15 month old daughter I love, but often regret ever having her. I’m still dealing with a lot of post partum issues and my doctor refused to refil my meds. I’m really struggling and am scared I might lose it one day. I catch myself losing my temper all the time and am afraid I’m going to ruin her childhood.
2. I love my husband but have absolutely no interest in sex. Perhaps it’s the PPD and the breastfeeding hormones, or maybe because he has no idea what he’s doing and we’re going on year 5 of the same position and it only lasting 30 seconds.
3. I was a super good Christian, but my brother, his girlfriend, and their unborn child were killed in a car accident last November. Now I’m debating the whole God thing, just because I don’t want them to be in hell. I stalk atheist websites and everything is making a lot of sense. I just continue going to church and am scared to tell anyone, even my husband.
4. Relationships are just too hard for me. I really don’t have any friends. I’m not good at putting in the effort and hold grudges forever, so once we fight or disagree, that’s it. I really need to work on it. My husbad is a saint for putting up with me.
I want to send you a virtual hug. Religion is an intensely personal thing and I have seen many people struggle with it. Some people renew their faith and are stronger in that faith because of their struggle; some people come away with an entirely different perspective (agnostic/atheist/opposite faith) and those people are happier for it too.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed about any kind of curiosity from something as incredibly important as the idea of an omniscient creator of your entire world.
Good luck!
Thanks!
Oops, forgot a #5. All my others are so depressing when reading them back. I guess a fun one is that I love eating in private because I can be super gross and forget my manners. I stuff my face, don’t use a napkin, chew with my mouth open, and lick my fingers and sometimes the plate.
I lick the inside of the microwave kettle corn bags. Just kettle corn.
S = A . . . can’t type!
Doubting religion can be one of the most isolating experiences out there. If you’re curious, try to find an atheist/humanist group in your community or one nearby. You’ll be surprised how many happy/kind/friendly heathens would be thrilled to meet you.
PPD, meds, breastfeeding, all that can mess with your sex life. Most of the time I do it just because I figure he needs it.
Most likely she won’t remember all the yelling and you losing your temper. Did you know there’s a term called post partum aggression? The support group I was in was all about anxiety and such and I felt like such an oddball for so long because I had such rage issues and very little anxiety. ha. I felt like an oddball in a support group. Anyhow – can you find another doctor?? A counsellor? This shit doesn’t just go away on its own.
I’m scared to talk to someone- I don’t want them to take my baby. I’ve really had some terrible thoughts. There’s a ppd center not far from my house. I keep thinking I should call. Losing my brother just piled more crap on, and it’s affecting my marriage now too. I just dread therapy- wish they could just give me some pills and be done, but I know that’s not how it works. We’ve been to marriage counseling two different times and it helped a ton when we first got married, so I know it’s good. I just need to build up the courage. Talking about it on here has actually been really helpful. Thanks Brittany!! ;)
Hi!! I’m so sorry you are going through this!! I went through something similar. Only I had antepartum (prenatal) depression. Same awful, though. It affected my marriage so much, and I wasn’t a great mom to my oldest for those 9 months. Talking about it SAVED MY LIFE. I realized that so many women have and are going through this. Nothing abnormal or shameful about it! Please email me if you need to talk….Seriously. Always here… allisonzapata at gmail dot com – xoxoxo
Just scheduled a counseling appt. Here goes nothing…
Go to a diff doc! Are you still going to your ob? My doc gets our her script pad when I come in and asks if I need anything. I was shocked the first time but really, they get to buy what ever they want in Mexico. I should be able to, too ;)
1. I love terrible music. Ke$ha’s love really is my drug.
2. I’d rather take my dog to the beach for a few hours than hang out with most of my friends. They’re great people, but they all have such huge, distinct personalities it gives me a little bit of anxiety to be around more than 2 of them at a time for any extended period.
3. I cheated on my boyfriend with some little pipsqueak who really doesn’t even deserve the label of “man”. OBVIOUSLY I hid it from my boyfriend for a while, but my anxiety got so bad I stopped eating and started having panic attacks all the time. We broke up for a few months because I was such a mess (my doing) and I eventually told him about the affair. He forgave me. Took me back. I was skeptical at first, like he was only telling me we could work through it so I would get comfortable and then he was going to crush me like I’d crushed him, but he meant it. We’re happier than ever, but there’s always a little voice in the back of my head telling me I don’t deserve him. How could a low life cheater like me deserve someone so wonderful and forgiving? I struggle with it daily.
4. I don’t go to the doctor because I don’t want them to tell me something I don’t want to hear.
5. I love popping zits. Not only mine, but other people’s. Sometimes, when I’m taking someone’s order at work, I don’t hear what they say because I’m too busy imagining what it would be like to squeeze all their blackheads. So I just order them whatever I want and when it’s not what they wanted I blame it on the cooks.
1. I really don’t like Radiohead, or Wilco, or Twilight, or Jane Eyre, or vampires, or zombies, or mustaches, or skinny jeans-and I hate that ‘uncool’ feeling sometimes but I’ll take 38 over 18 any day.
2. I’m a woman who is roughly the size of an average man…5’11” 170 lbs. I feel like I could take care of myself if needed in a violent situation. I don’t think I’ve ever really felt physically threatened by a man. Maybe that’s not so smart-but it just is. I’ve also never ever really felt taken care of by one. And I’m jealous of small, petite women.
3. I need to get my hair cut more often and look in the mirror once in a while, I try but it’s so hard to pay attention to these things…
4. I completely believe that God gave me my 3 boys raise them to be the men that my father, step-father and husband should have been.
5. My celebrity crushes are Lyle Lovett and Mark Wahlberg.
This is beautiful.
Ooo, confession time! Most of these I’ve never said out loud!
1. I am 33, single, curvy, a virgin and terrified I’ll be single for ever. I’ve only ever dated twice, and only in the last 2 years. I love my friends but I am deeply jealous of their lives with husbands and kids.
2. I am fascinated by the Hoarders shows, mostly because I’m afraid I’m becoming one. But they make me feel less messy than I really am yet I can totally relate to hanging on to every little thing. I have boxes of stuff I haven’t opened in years!
3. I sometimes wish I had been born a guy…seems so much easier than being a girl! Pee standing up, not talking about your feelings (which I don’t do anyway), maybe I would’ve been into sports and not been so very curvy!
4. I can’t stand my hands being sticky or dirty or covered in anything! I’ve been like this since the messy toddler and child I was. Head to toe in mud but had to have my hands clean!
5. I’m not “curvy” because I eat my feelings…I simply just love food! I love socially eating, the tastes, the smells, the textures, cooking, going out, I love it all! I guess I just love the bad stuff too much to realize how much of it I’m putting in me, Ah well!
I so understand your number 1 and 5… so me too! :)
Im 27 and have never had an orgasm. Shh.
Okay, so I couldn’t even post my name behind this one but you’ll know who it is from the email.
The really real confessions??
Sometimes I worry that I’m not in love with my husband of nearly 18 years anymore but terrified to end it because of the kids and the fact that I would probably have to move in with my parents.
I am a crazy attention freak and need validation from people all the time. This has sometimes gotten me into trouble.
Sometimes I think that I should give up on the dream that I am currently chasing (re: the career I’m trying to have on the side) because I’m worried that if it ever *actually* took off and I became really successful at it, I would be too excited about the financial freedom that would come with it, leave my husband and my kids would hate me.
Even though I worry about not being in love with him anymore, I still have sex with my husband all the time, because, frankly, he’s really good at it and knows my body really well.
I probably call myself fat about 982 times a day even though I’m only a size 14.
A person whom I had up until recently considered a friend humiliated and insulted my gay daughter in a theatre full of people. I wasn’t there and she (from what I heard) totally took the high road and behaved like a real lady. I congratulated my daughter for being the bigger person, but inside I wanted to hunt down the bitch and beat her face in.
#1 I have serious trust issues when it comes to men. I am happy with my Fiancé of 6 years and I think he might be the only guy that I have ever totally trusted. This is going to sound a little vein but I am not an ugly girl, and even though I struggle with my self image I know that guys like me. What really makes me hate them though is that I work in an industry filled with men. The way I always hear them talk about their wives and how easy it is for most of them to hit on me makes me feel sick.
#2 I want so badly to go back to school but I keep coming up with excuses so I don’t have to fail at it.
#3 Even though I love my fiancé very much and we are happy together, I will always chose my horses over him. It’s something that I know eats away at him sometimes but I can’t help that I love animals more than any person I have ever met.
#4 Even though I am an intelligent, intellectual women, sometimes I play the stupid girl card so people don’t feel threatened by me. It’s much easier for me having to work in such a chauvinistic kind of environment to just pretend I am what the guys I work with want me to be. Tall, pretty, and stupid. It does have its perks though when the boss doesn’t think anything of talking about confidential things right in front of you.
#5 I know my friends boyfriend is abusive and there is nothing I can do about it because she won’t admit it. I don’t want to be mad at her for not seeing it, but I can’t help but sometimes think she is being stupid even though I know that there is more to it then her just leaving.
#6 When I am driving in my truck I feel like a gansta! I listen to whatever is on the top 40 station and generally conduct myself as a real homie g.
1. I have terrible anxiety over letting my mother babysit my 18 month old, she’s watching her tomorrow and all I want to do is cancel my date with my husband and keep my baby home. It makes me want to hurl. But anyone else wants to babysit, I’m pretty much ok.
2. I have one friend, she’s ten years younger then me and I rarely see her because she lives across the state, but other than her I have no one. I have no idea how to make friends and being a SAHM makes it worse.
3. This is the first time I’ve commented on Brittany’s blog and I feel like a stalker for reading but not commenting.
4. It took us five years to get pregnant with our daughter and I’m still disappointed every time my period comes, even though I don’t know if I want another baby.
I have three kids, made my husband get a V, got my tubes tied and still get dissappointed everytime my period comes. Yep, I’m a looney toon.
I’ve only got one that comes to mind on short notice…
CONFESSION: I am super scared to have a baby.
And I stopped taking my BC pills 2 weeks ago.
So, here goes nothing, I guess…?
1. My husband hates my sister. I miss her like crazy, so I’m attempting to get us to move to the same state she’s in so I can be near her. Even if she is Cra-cra! If he doesn’t want to move I might move without him. I know she is a diagnosed sociopath and will never truly love another person, but I love her and miss her like crazy.
2. Related to above. I hate TX. I’m an atheist liberal and I freaking hate all of the bigotry that is constantly spouted by these people. They talk about everyone as “other”. Homosexuals, blacks, Latinos, the poor, and anyone that doesn’t believe in God in the same way as them are seen as less than. If they don’t want accept everyone than I don’t want to accept them, but since I come from a huge family of both preachers and Republican politicians I still have be cordial. Even if they think my Arabic (raised Muslim) husband is worse than having “lived in sin” as they are constantly screaming at the rest of my family.
3. I love being married. I also hate sleeping with my husband. While I’m asleep I do not want touched. I do not breathed on. I want utter silence. Well, except if I sneak Chloe (dog) into bed with me. That’s fine. But I insist on cuddling for long periods of time before I leave him sleeping and go sleep in the other bed. I can’t resist snuggles.
4. I’m sick of sacrificing all the time. I seem to value my husband more than myself and he also values himself more than me, so I end up constantly allowing him to have whatever he wants and I get nothing. This makes me a push-over and a doormat. Two things I said I would never ever be.
5. I have PCOS and I desperately want a baby. I gave up and am now on birth control. I can’t take the disappointment anymore. Maybe we can try again once I get out of uni.
1. I have an obsession with poop. I like to talk about it, analyze it and pretty sure it is infiltrating my life.
2. I once accidentally pooped on a 4 star hotel floor.
3. When I get drunk I like to floss, pluck my eyebrows and pick my face. I do this sitting indian-style in my sink. One time I woke up with swollen gums and I couldn’t eat for 2 days.
4. My friends and family are convinced I’m the smelliest person they know. All I do is fire fart all day long and they are the lingering ones that burn your nostrils. Once, as a kid, we were driving into the city an my dad told everyone to roll up their windows because the sewers smelled terrible. It got worse when the windows were up and they realized it was me.
5. As a child my biggest fear was getting lost. I was convinced we would NEVER get home. I would cry thinking about how we would have to start over somewhere new.
1. I have never seen the Goonies or the Big Lebowski, I didn’t know who NKOTB were until their reunion tour with BSB, and it irritates me to all end when people judge me because of it. Or I get the “WHAAATTTTTTT???? Did you grow up under a rock?” No. F-you and move on.
2. Similar to ^, I hate not knowing something, and get embarrased when I can’t argue/discuss effectively and intelligently. This is why I don’t talk politics.
3. I lost the weight for the attention.
4. I’m saving up to take stunt driving lessons.
5. I’m counting down the seconds until I can move from the East Coast BACK to the Midwest. The midwest is home. (2.5 years baby!)
Something I have never told anyone, ever: My best friend is a man and I love him. He’s single now but I’m married and would never leave my husband because of our children.
Most times I feel like my husband is a roommate, not a lover or friend.
I have 3 children and of those I have a favorite. I do my best not to show it or to feel it even, but its there.
1) I feel like the biggest failure 6 out of 7 days a week. Granted I have 2 healthy kids, and am doing it single mom style, I dropped out of college, moved out and moved back in with my mom and don’t actually own anything but debt. Also, I’m on most forms of government assistance (food stamps, medicaid, childcare assistance)
2) I hate being bigger than my mental picture of myself. I also judge everyone, even though I’d hate it if everyone judged me as critically.
3)One of my ‘best friends’ recently told me I was a bitch. I laughed it off, but really it hurt. Life has made me less of a lay down and take it. Plus, she has no idea what a hard life is.
4) I have issues, the kind that should probably be treated by people who have PhD after their name. But who has time for all of that? So I just go around in my crazy bubble and pretend like I’m not.
5) I suck at finishing. I’m really good at starting. Starting a blog, starting an exercise routine, starting a pattern, starting a craft, starting a gallion things, and finishing none.
#2?? I absolutely, 100% agree. I tried to explain that feeling to a few people lately, and they don’t seem to understand it. I just cannot reconcile the vision I have of myself in my head with what I occasionally see in the mirror. In fact, I found a (very rare!) video of myself from last year and I was so disturbed. Because I didn’t realize how big I was. I don’t have a full length mirror, haven’t for years and I think it’s helped dramatically. Living in denial helps a little :)
I’ve also tried to cut out the body snarking, but it’s hard because it’s a defense mechanism I’ve used for years to make me feel better about me.