On April 14th, I realized we hadn’t yet done our taxes. That was my job. Give tax stuff to guy who knows how to work a calculator, for reasons other than pretending it’s a cell phone when it’s the only thing in reach when a Jehovah’s Witness comes to the door.
I started scrambling around, finding my random bits of financial garbage, but for the life of me, could not find Andy’s. Or, recall where he told me he put it. I was probably busy. Making nachos.
Obviously, calling him and asking him was a last resort, so I started tearing shit apart, quickly realizing, my house is a pit, I should hire someone to organize things, where did all these broken crayons come fro, oh hey, look, Maury is on.
An hour later.
Crap.
Hey babe, quick question, just to double check my records, where is your W2 again?
You didn’t get our taxes done yet?
Yes.
…
No. I forgot. I…can’t find your W2. Do you have an extra one?
Taxes are due tomorrow, what the hell?
I know, I am so sorry, I completely forgot, and now I can’t find it.
Christ, ok, check in that glass lemon jar near the stove, I’ve been tossing random papers from work in there.
You’re kidding.
No.
I can’t look in there Andy. It’s where we put all the collars and tags and hair from all our dead pets. It’s haunted.
You’re an adult, just see if it’s in there.
I can’t Andy, I’m sorry. It’s like pet cemetery in there.
Get Jude on the phone.
No. He’s too young.
Well, I don’t know what to tell you, but you better call someone to open the jar and turn that tax stuff in.
Yeah, like a priest.
It was in the jar. Tax day was moved to April 18th. Apparently.
Way to Facebook message me about that, Obama.
Dude!!! FUNNY!!!
What the fuck do you mean they moved tax day? How can they just move tax day? Is this like when W. Bush decided to just MOVE daylight savings time? When the hell are politicians going to realize they can’t just keep moving the goal posts like that? It makes Americans feel dumber than we really are, and that’s a pretty slippery slope.
Tax deadline is only the 18th this year because the 15th fell on a Friday. Any year the 15th falls on a weekend day (which I thought meant Saturday or Sunday but what the hell do I know?) they push it up to the following Monday.
And there is your fucked up government lesson for the day.
I actually think it got moved because Washington DC celebrates emancipation day on the 16th. Since that falls on Saturday today is technically a holiday in DC therefore tax day got bumped. Stupid government holidays.
I believe you are correct Jen. But I do know that when the 15th is on a Saturday or Sunday they move the tax deadline to the following Monday. Silly government making up rules as they go.
Not only do you need to call a tax accountant for your taxes this year… also a exorcist! And thanks for reminding me. I have to tear apart my bedroom this weekend.
Haunted tax returns ought to be a thing. I’m glad I don’t have to do that, work sorts it all for us.
For the first time in my life I had money coming back from my taxes (probably because I am a mental health worker working right at the poverty level) so I had those bitches stamped with money in hand in February.
I beg you get money back because of the haunted jar! Certainly that is a write off of some sort
Right?!?
It’s actually because it’s a D.C. holiday today. (Who the hell told them it was okay to screw up the entire country for it, I’m not sure.) It’s been the big story on the local news here, so I’m amused, though not surprised, it hasn’t been broadcast as much to the rest of the country.
I put my dead dog’s tag in my husband sock and underwear drawer. It just seemed like the right thing to do.
1) WTF? Why have I heard nothing about tax day being moved.
2) I’m a little concerned that Andy’s solution to your (rightful) unwillingness to reach in the haunted jar was to put one of the kids at risk.
3) Mmm… Nachos.
You are so adorably funny! My sister remembered taxes were due on the 14th as well – must be a trend. :O
Thank God I have holy water, I’d splash it all over the jar, say a prayer for all the animals and then open the jar, fish all the papers out while on my tippy toes and screaching that something or someone will come out of said jar and eat my face off.
it’s too late when you opened the jar you let all their souls out…no wits gonna be like paranormal Activity around your house!!!
Holy creepy dead pet jar….glad you filed.
Wow…creepy pet jar, indeed. Be glad you got it done today!
I don’t think that anyone but tax accounts really know when the deadline has been delayed, and that’s only because they have to work more days. It sucks. Thank God I’m not a tax accountant any more.
I think the jar with the dead pet remains – I mean “reminders” – is a perfectly logical place to put the tax documents. Same reason we keep the batteries in the bathroom drawer, and the picture hanging hooks next to the sharpie markers… order must be maintained!!!