I’ve said it before, but it’s still totally true, I just don’t sleep anymore.
Even when I am done with work and have absolutely nothing else to do except dick around online and change all the numbers in Andy’s iPhone so when he calls his mom he gets a proctology office. And then, before you know it, I think I hear a ghost upstairs, and honestly, it just goes down hill from there.
Thank God for Netflix.
Here are my current picks for weird ass movies that get me through insomnia…
1. Elvis & Anabelle. A dead Beauty Queen is brought back to life by a hot guy on the embalming table. Ok, the first 10 minutes of this movie creeped me the fuck out, but then, it got really good, in a totally weird way, and even after it ended, I thought about it for days. Also, Blake Lively was not at all annoying or Van der Woodseny in this film, shockingly.
2. Wet Hot American Summer. A crazy shit fest of random awesomeness, also, Bradly Cooper marries Michael Ian Black, which is a personal fantasy of mine. Listen, you are either going to love the fuck out of this movie, or shut it off mid way all, what the hell is this movie even about?!
3. Kissing Jessica Stein. In my head, this is what my life would be like if I were a lesbian. Also, best soundtrack ever.
4. Waiting for Guffman. My love for Christopher Guest knows no bounds. I am also completely unable to separate him from his characters and the normal looking guy married to Jaime Lee Curtis from the diarrhea yogurt commercials.
5. Along Came Polly. Ok I think everyone on the planet hated this movie, but not me. I just really love Philip Seymour Hoffman and a good shart joke.
6. Hot Tub Time Machine. This falls into the Wet Hot American Summer category of, you are either going to love or hate this. I loved it. Every Crispin Glover laced second.
7. Get Him to The Greek. I have only recently come to appreciate all that is Russel Brand, and I love this movie. And now I want a furry wall in my house.
8. The Jerk. One of my favorite Steve Martin movies. Ever. In fact it makes me forget he ever made L.A. Story and Bowfinger.
9. Penelope. This movie is magic to me, and Gigi and I watch it snuggled in bed. Nothing makes me happier than her wanting to be the brilliant girl with the pig nose.
Alright, that was my week in movies. Weird, right? Any more suggestions?
Give me something else to do other than play the drinking game where I look up old friends on Facebook and guess if they are fat, bald or incarcerated. There are no winners in that game. I mean, aside from my self esteem.
I love The Jerk! I also love Steve Martin in My Blue Heaven.
Another love it or hate it movie (that I happen to personally L.O.V.E.) is The Sweetest Thing with Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate. It has a penis song. Enough said.
Best glory hole scene EVER!
I knew I loved you!!
Is there an Oscar for Best Glory Hole Scene? Because there should be.
Something tells me the Oscars would be infinitely more entertaining if we took over the Academy.
I LOVE THE SWEETEST THING! So good.
Try Black Books, Ab Fab, Best in Show, Noise Off, just about any Mel Brooks movie – especially Blazin’ Saddles (we don’t need no stinkin’ badges)
I second Mel Brooks movies. You get entertainment & a huge collection of one liners to add to your vocabulary.
Clue is another great movie
Oh Brittany, your blog is tailor made for my sense of humor. Sleep is not on the list of things I do anymore either. I love Get Him to the Greek!
I submit the often under-rated I Love You, Man.
Totes Magotes.
DUDE. Andy and I are endlessly name dropping Hank Marducas all the time. Nobody EVERY gets it!
I call my husband ‘Joben’ in public … even though he’s totally Peter.
My fantasy football team a couple of years ago was named Toats McGoats! And my husband and I also call each other Joben. Hahahaha!
I suggest Ambien. Cured my insomnia and there’s a generic available.
If not, maybe go for some classic 80’s cheese. Summer School, License to Drive, Goonies, Hunk, The Sure Thing, Better Off Dead, etc…
OMG, I LOVED License to Drive!! “I never thought I’d see a Mercedes fit in the back of a Cadillac…” Also: my aunt’s band (think 1980s hair metal) has a song in that movie. And now I need to go watch it again.
Dream a Little Dream is another great offering from the two Coreys. And Lost Boys.
Just watched Wet Hot American Summer last night – so classic. I recommend The Birdcage if you’ve never seen it – Hank Azaria as a sassy gay latino house keeper? Enough said!
Also love The Labyrinth when I can’t sleep, because it has Bowie in tights and puppets singing. Last but not least, Wristcutters is funny and weird and interesting and worth a watch!
Oh I love the Birdcage and um, ANYTHING with Bowie in tights. It used to give me nightmares as a kid, but now I adore it and plan on scaring the shit out of my own kids with it soon.
I know, it’s sort of terrifying until you embrace the awesomeness. I can’t even wait to get a dog so I can name it Ambrosius. Also, I want “Dance Magic Dance” played at my wedding.
Labyrinth! I just wrote a blog about embracing my inner dorkness through a Labyrinth. Sort of …
http://jaimalaya.blogspot.com/2011/06/id-wear-it-ironically-of-course.html
My husband LOVES Labyrinth (it began his one-sided love affair with Jennifer Connelly), but I haven’t even been able to get through the whole thing once. It freaks me out.
Sometimes only something so full of cheesy awesomeness that you can’t stop giggling will do. When that happens, watch Cherry 2000. It’s about a guy whose robot/wife/sex toy shorts out after wet kitchen floor sex. He wants another robot/wife/sex toy just like her, so he hires Melanie Griffith to find one. Really.
Cherry 2000 is definitely awesome!
I thought I was the only one mean enough to change my husbands cell phone numbers around….completely hilarious. Except I put his to a SEX line and you should have seen his face when he heard who picked up… I dont sleep anymore either. I think I hit my life quota sometime as a teen. Now when I am awake and everyone else is snoring or sleeping peacefully it pisses me off. So last night (well 12am this morning) I put my ipod on closed off everyones bedroom doors and danced and cleaned till I dropped literally…which was almost 5am. I had a blast..
When life hands you are Jeffrey…just stroke the furry wall.
a.
dammit.
A JEFFREY
I don’t sleep either. Ever.
And I always hear ghosts, and also aliens talking through my baby monitor. I understand your exhausted, frustrated boredom. Feel free to DM me or something and we’ll play a word association game.
“It’s the day of the show, ya’ll.”
“Kissing Jessica Stein” and “Waiting For Guffman” are two of my all-time favorities. Too bad “Best In Show” is on streaming. That’d be great for insomnia too.
I also find that “The Golden Girls” is excellent in the wee small hours.
RuPaul’s Drag Race. So much glitter and catty bitching. Also,
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Arthur
Saving Grace (British widow sells pot to keep her house with the help of her gardner, Craig Ferguson)
Saving Grace is BRILLIANT. I love watching her face when she gets stoned and tells Craig Ferguson’s character : “You’re Scottish!”
Two Moon Junction is oddly fantastic at 3AM….Bizzare and some of the hottest sex scenes.
Also the whole Showtime Queer As Folk series is on Netflix and I loved that.
I’m not surprised we have the exact same taste in movies! You are awesome and so am I. Separate at birth, I tell ya!
Ps I hope it’s not weird that I friended your (good lookin’ I might add) husband on FB. You can add mine if it’s weird. I think that would make it less weird, maybe.
Drop Dead Fred.
YES! I love ‘Drop Dead Fred’. And… they are making a re-make with Russel Brand as Fred!!!!
Kinky Boots. Look it up, watch it, love it.
Also, I really loved that movie Drop Dead Gorgeous with the minnesota pageant. Kirstie Alley is brilliant, the retard takes off his pants and Brittany Murphy’s laugh is infections. Plus, that one guy is totally a pedophile and I know someone exactly like trailer park Loretta.
After that, read my book, LOL!!
I was coming here to post the same movie…I love Kinky Boots! Gotta love a drag queen with big ass feet!
I have watched Get Him to the Greek several insomia filled nights this week alone. Love it.
If Lucy Fell, She’s the One, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Simply Irresistible, The Good Girl, and Alpha Dog (♥ Justin Timberlake in this) Trainspotting (though sometimes this makes me want to vomit)
And I know people hate this but I love it. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.
“Dawn, you do not leave this table until you tell your sister that you love her!”
OMG I love the movie Along Came Polly…it was funny and the shart joke is the best. I never knew so many people hated…why? I also second the movie Drop Dead Gorgeous…good laughs!
Not sure about the movies, but for insomnia, try using an eye mask and ear plugs. For some reason, if i can’t sleep, i use those two things, and go into a coma. Its amazing.
I found a WONDERFUL website that lets you watch NEW movies as soon as they are released in theaters, and sometimes before, with DVD quality.
That keeps me busy. Its hard AND expensive getting to the movies with 3 small kids at home.
If you’re still bored, there always masterbation. You know what they say about ‘Idle Hands’.
I recently watched Hall Pass and after gallbladder surgery the scene with the hot girl and the tub is my worst fear. Watch it. Even if it is just that scene.
I loved Along Came Polly. And Get Him to the Greek. Russell Brand is hilarious. He should be a rock star for real.
Random movie I love: Love & Sex starring Famke Janssen and Jon Favreau. It’s a quirky love story with two main characters who are a filthy writer and a twisted painter. And their many cats. What’s not to love?!?
Okay. I have to spaz down, I know.
We lovr that movie! I tell my hubby cheese sandwich all the time !
I just bought tickets for my husband to see Russell Brand for our 2nd wedding anniversary! I’m so excited and 90% hoping he takes me on stage and does something sexual. (The other part of me hates being seen in public, you know?) Also, Wet Hot American Summer is amazing. And Kissing Jessica Stein made me question my sexuality, but just a little. :)
Idol Hands with Devon Sawa. It’s a hysterical sort of horror/comedy movie where this teenage drugy slacker’s right hand becomes posseseed and kills people, but it’s funny because his friends (like Seth Green) become zombies with a sense of humor about it and still hang out with him. No one’s ever heard of it, but I happen to think it was really funny.
My husband LOVES that movie!
I’m not good with movies and stuff. Like remembering them. If one comes on TV that I like I’ll be all, “hey I love this movie” and then afterward I forget again. When I can’t sleep I read. Sometimes way, way too late.
I also suffer from insomnia and when I can’t sleep I watched the tv series Weeds. Soooo good. Great for late at night. :)
Ha! We just watched Hot Tub Time Machine the other day. So ridiculous. So awesome.
I love Wet Hot American Summer. I think my husband said they’re making a sequel, or prequel, as the story might go.
Have you seen Easy A? It’s one of my new favs.
going the distance has been coming on hbo nonstop lately, and i can’t seem to get sick of it. it’s a good’un. also – someone here mentioned if lucy fell. i haven’t watched that since college when my friends and i kept that and party girl on a running loop, but i’m assuming it’s still brilliant.
don’t even get me started on guffman. catherine o’hara + fred willard = perfect.
My husband dressed up as Steve Martin from The Jerk for Halloween. You know, the part where he was wearing a robe with his pants around his ankles going, “All I need is this chair… All I need is this paddleball game…”
Thank God for Netflix indeed. Counting down the sleepless nights until I finally give in to Troll 2…
The Fifth Element! Lelu Dallas Multipass.
I saw part of Elvis and Anabelle on TV one day and I was so sucked in. I had to leave and never got to finish it, but I really need to. Another movie sort of on the lines of that one is Camille with James Franco and Sienna Miller. It was odd, but I liked it. My go to movie is Willy Wonka…. I love to see Augusus get stuck in that pipe….
The Jerk is one of my fave all time movies. I just watched it the other day. I remember watching it when I was little with my Dad and getting a kick out of it. Love the scene of them on the beach singing with the ukulele and trumpet. Classic. PS….Portishead must be a secret “The Jerk” fan…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCa8bcuYhzo
I could go on and on about this movie…When he’s in the bathtub reading the smeared letter…hilarious.
Have you seen Just Go With It with Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler? It was surprisingly good, and the two of them had fabulous chemistry!
I also loved Along Came Polly, so I guess there are two of us. And Hot Tub Time Machine – another movie that I enjoyed WAY more than I expected going in. You just have to go with that one!
Commited w/ Heather Graham
Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist. I just remembered. We love that movie.
Watching “Get Him to the Greek” also made me appreciate Russell Brand’s humor. I couldn’t really stand him before that movie.
Seriously, ALDOUS SNOW ROCKS!!! (i mean Russel Brand) I can watch Get Him to the Greek (or Forgetting Sarah Marshall for that matter) over and over and over. He is friggin hilarious, PLUS – both GREAT soundtracks! Every time I see the concert scene at the end i tear up, even after approx 100 viewings.
I’m not an insomniac, but I have to say this list definitely helped when I was home sick on Monday! Seeing as how I already loved five of these, the other three weren’t big leaps for me!
Well now. My favorites for when I just want a happy ending because I’ve lost my faith in the world and that’s why I can’t sleep are… “You’ve Got Mail” and “The Truth About Cats and Dogs”.
However, if you WANT to sleep and can’t, you cannot go wrong with Ken Burn’s ” The Civil War”. True, it’s like 12 HOURS long and there is no way to finish it in a night, but I have every confidence you won’t make it through the first hour without dropping like a fly. It’s got a quality of almost hypnotic comfort, even for such a sad topic. Even if you think you just don’t care about the civil war, that’s okay. It actually makes it more effective. Incidentally, the music you hear throughout most of the series (the theme music, sort of) is called the “Ashoken Fairwell” and I’m only telling you that because it will totally grow on you. It’s the only music in the whole thing that isn’t period music.
Suburban Girl with Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alec Baldwin held my attention last week when I couldn’t sleep.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Shawshank Redemption are also on Netflix. Such great movies.
I don’t know if it counts, but the TV show Daria, and the Ocean’s films (Eleven through Thirteen)
I have had a very serious crush on Mr Russel Brand ever since I saw one of his comedy specials. I don’t know if you can Netflix that/ If not, I highly suggest looking it up. He is a genius.
Did you seriously diss Bowfinger? WTF?
So you like the Jerk? What about The Man with Two Brains? What about All of Me? The Lonely Guy?
I just turn on HGTV; that House Hunters International theme music puts me to sleep!
That is the most addicting show ever!
Love them all–except “Penelope”–need to see it STAT.
My Christopher Guest love knows no bounds. Loved him since “Princess Bride” and see everything he does!
“Greek” made me love Diddy so HARD!! He’s a comedic genius!
Recent adds to my list:
*”The Watch”–I swear to God, they just let Vince Vaughn wing this one and HE’S FUCKAWESOME!!
*Key & Peele–just ordered Season 1 on DVD because I can never get enough–know it’s not movie genre’ but so worth the watches! Go to YouTube right now and look up “I Said BITCH”–I promise, it will make your day!
Gotta think and come back….
I absolutely LOVE Elvis and Anabelle!
* Pretty in Pink
* Breakfast Club
* Sixteen Candles
* Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil
* To Kill a Mockingbird
* Orange is the New Black (Series only on Netflix…you’ll love it!)
* Caddyshack
After watching Hot Tub Time Machine, I couldn’t believe I sat through the entire thing it was so stupid, IMO.
Basically any 80s movie is good to watch…I have insomnia at times and I can never find anything good to watch. I’m going to have to find my Roku and hook it back up in the bedroom so I can try some of your suggestions…btw…The Jerk is an awesome movie!