Today as I drove to the store, I reached in my bag for my iPhone, couldn’t find it, pulled off the side of the road, hyperventilated into a paper bag, then turned around to go get it.
Because I apparently can’t drive to the grocery store without it, you know, watching the road and shopping from a list like some kind of luddite.
So then, it got me thinking about all the pathetic things I genuinely couldn’t first-world live without. I should be ashamed, and yet…
Here’s my totally honest list of seven things I can’t live without (in random order), and maybe you can share your list with me also, you know, so I feel like less of an asshole.
7. My DVR. The only thing I watch live are school delays, and even then, I’m swearing at the TV because it takes too fucking long.
6. Jagged Little Pill Acoustic. Because songs about going down on Dave Coulier in a movie theater matter to my soul.
5. Red Australian Licorice from Target. Have you had it? It’s like the body of Christ.
4. Bed Head Glaze Haze. Because I am one bad frizzy hair day from hating myself for an entire 24 hour period.
3. Masturbation. Um, we’re being honest here, y’all.
2. The thingy I plug into the lighter hole of my car that let’s me listen to music off my phone through the radio.
1. Instagram. True story. It’s like when I was younger and I used to go for walks at night and look in people’s windows. Now I get to do it on my phone without even putting pants on. Best invention ever.
1) toilet/ toilet paper
2) cuddle-free bed zone
3) daycare for my 2.5yr old
4) alcohol
5) converse
6) eyebrow pencil
7) stretchy synthetic clothing
I really sound like a catch, huh?
To me, you do!
1. EffexorXR
2. xanax
3. coffee
4. bottled water
5. Charmain toilet paper–it has to be the biggest, giaganticist rolls
6. my iPhone
7. my down throw blankie (it goes everywhere with me; goes on every trip, it’s even been to Hawaii)
The first two guarantee both I and others stay alive. ;)
Ok lets see . . . .
1. Cell Phone
2. Coke/Dr. Pepper (yes I am one of the weird people who can swing both ways with this one!)
3. Ditto your #3!
4. ponytail holders
5. scrubs ( I am a nurse . . . and let me just say I would wear them all the time if I could get away with it! Its like working in my pj’s :)
6. peanut butter
7. ipod function on my phone . . . music makes the world a happy place :)
I totally forgot my Nook! I have to have it on there so guess I would trade peanut butter for my Nook!
I’m giggling because you can’t even bring yourself to write MASTURBATION, lol.
I promise you are allowed to masturbate in the 3rd world! Also, there is often booze. No Instagram, though you might have cell access.
It’s true. I live in Egypt and there is a liquor store on the corner about 4 blocks from my house. And masturbation….well, let’s just say that the unmarried masses here SWEAR by it.
I totally instagram from Senegal- but we’re not the most third world of the third world, I suppose. And okay, most of my pictures are of local goats eating garbage. But it still totally counts.
1. My iphone
2. Lipstick
3. Water bottle (with water)
4. Coffee
5. DVR
6. My bed
7. Sexy boots
I can’t leave the house without the first three.
These are first world things, right? So necessities like food and water and uhhh tolitries and such are a given?
1. Tampons
2. My IPhone. I would totally turn around too.
3. Netflix. An 8$ a month baby sitter? Can’t be beat.
4. Sia’s Breathe Me
5. Facebook- I hate myself for this one.
6. My vibrator- the good one, not the over the top oh shit I’m numb one.
7. Biosilk hair products but now I want to try you bed head stuff…
I love Sia’s Breathe Me too! My husband is out of town for work and my fresh batteries in my vibrator makes me very happy!
In no particular order:
1 faux fur
2 electric blankets
3 hot curlers
4 candy, all of it
5 hot tub
6 leggings
7 heated car seats
Clearly this is just my winter list… It’s cold here. :-)
1. iPhone
2. Internet
3. Thyme. The spice/not like hours, for the confuzed ;)
4. Heated mattress pad cover
5. Wine (Or if not available vodka, if not available gin, if not available the leftover percocet from my c-section)
6. Sleep
7. Good books
1. internet
2. ereader (Kobo)
3. lemons (squeeze some lemon into just about any dish and it tastes better)
4. tea
5. Denman brush
6. coconut oil
7. chapstick
#3 absolutely. I gave up soda, and my new addiction is water with lemon. I found Meyer lemons at my local earthy food place, and became obsessed!
I have 4 Meyer Lemon trees in my yard and use the lemons in everything!
Try it with cucumber, too. Cucumber and lemon together is super refreshing :)
Coconut Oil! Yes. …and lemons and cucumbers together in water are really refeshing!
1) TV in general. Live, re-runs, streamed DVD’s through our WD Live box etc.
2) My iPod Touch and soon to be my smart phone (I’m finally joining the 2013’s)
3) During the winter, my heated mattress cover
4) yoga pants/leggings (just like #7 from Stephanie above)
5) Booze. Even if it is smaller bottles of wine and 3.2% beer
6) my laptop
7) sex (all kinds- with husband, without husband)
– iPhone
– Netflix
– Downton Abbey
– Indian take-away
– giant soy mochas
– Trader Joe’s 1 lb chocolate bars
– Shiraz
Apparently, I like technology and calories.
1. My iPhone 5
2. The internet
3. Netflix
4. Wine–Vodka–Xanax
5.Facebook
6. Instagram (newly discovered this–I’ve been under a rock…obviously)
7. Blogger
Yeah, pretty sure they even masturbate in third world countries.
1. Diet Coke
2. My Ped Egg
3. Carmex
4. Vaselline Intensive Care Lotion (can you tell I don’t like dry skin?)
5. My cellphone.
6. Advill
Sorry, can’t keep it to 5. They are all equally essential!
7. My DVR. I try to FF the rarely watched live tv shows. I wish I could FF most ppl actually…
6. Social Media…Instagram, FB, and Tweeet in that order…
5. iPad. Thing does everything! Music, books, Internet!
4. Coffee. Dark roast, lots of flavored creamer. Truvia packet or three.
Work starts at 5am, which means 3:45 wakeup call on GOOD weather days. And this is Ohio.
3. Orgasm… By sex or otherwise….
2. WINE. Pink Catawaba preferably. Pink Moscato will also do.
1. Music. Soundtrack to our lives.
Lord knows I’ve missed something.
I missed something. I knew I did… My iPhone. I’m not sure what I could trade tho….
And why did I think you just wanted 5?? Because I’m rushed and trying to sneak blog reading in while pretending to help my kid with homework…… #7 – Uggs……
1. Yoga pants. I really don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve worn a regular pair of pants.
2. Bubble baths. I have a giant clawfoot tub and soak myself until my fingers are wrinkly (or until my dog sticks her cold nose on my cheek) at least 3 times a week.
3. Good beer. There’s a nano brewery about 30 feet from my house. Danger is my middle name.
4. Netflix. I have zero life when I start a new series. (I have a giant crush on Elliot Stabler right now. OMG!)
5. Cheap paint and cheaper wine. The two obviously go hand in hand and the canvases on my walls are proof. I’m not saying they’re GOOD proof, but they’re proof.
6. My doggy. She pulled me out of bed every morning when I wanted to give up. I owe my life to her and she doesn’t have any idea. And she’s never, ever judged me. She just wants to play ball and give kisses to everyone. I want to be just like her.
7. Bob Seger. Oh god, I love Bob Seger.
i hear you on the dog thing. seriously, my dog doesn’t even know what he’s done for me.
1. TP
2. Deodorant
3. A computer or some kind of access the the internet
4. PJs
5. Disposable diapers for my 2 year old.
6. A hairbrush
7. Shampoo
1. Galaxy s3
2. Dark Chocolate after lunch
3. Smiths rosebud salve lip balm
4. Dove argon hair oil (cheap and it makes my hair look great without having to blow dry)
5. Good set of knives
6. My red kitchen aid mixer
7. My puppy, Brutus (named after the OSU mascot)
7) lip gloss
6) cell phone
5) ballet flats (my boyfriend HATES them. Don’t care)
4) sex- all types
3) zip up hoodies
2) tall boots
1) flip flops (clearly love my shoes)
Extra credit- cropped yoga pants
#1- My iPhone. I NEVER leave home without it. I have locked my keys in the house before- but never my iPhone. :)
#2- Twitter/FB/. How else would I be able to check up on everyone?! :)
#3- My best friend. I feel bad for including him in a things list- but oh my gosh. Some days I would not survive if he wasn’t around.
#4- Indoor plumbing. Thank God I wasn’t born before all of that happened!
#5- My car. I have had to live without before and no thank you! I like being able to go where I want when I want.
#6- My electric blanket. It’s helpful when it’s 5° out like it was earlier this week!
#7- Sweatpants and Mocassins. When I have no desire to get totally dressed for work- I work at a daycare- these are definitely in my go to pile!
1. Diet coke. I could mainline it and it probably wouldn’t be enough.
2. Cherry chapstick.
3. Baked potato soup from Dominicks.
4. The Around Me app. Seriously, how did anyone get fucking anywhere before iPhones?
5. In the same vein – CTA Bus Tracker.
6. Jeggings. (Shameful. I know. But those pants rule.)
7. Pandora. Build my own personal radio station of Pink, Justin Bieber, NKOTB, Pearl Jam, Rise Against, and Blink-182 without judgment? Yes I will, thank you very much!
Total Cherry Chapstick freak! Have them everywhere….along with Kiehl’s lip balm.
Assuming A/C is a given – because at this point it’s like indoor plumbing. Unless you’re in Europe where people apparently are just sweaty all summer.
1. iPhone
2. Netflix for my toddler to zone
3. Bluetooth built into my car
4. Chicken Quesedillas from Taco Bell (STOP JUDGING ME!)
5. Kindle – holding a real book hurts my hand
6. Dental Floss – sometimes more than once a day
7. Baked Goods
1.iPhone (hands down)
2.kindle app on that iPhone (and books for it)
3.DVR
4.My kids
5.Diet Coke
6.Flavored Coffee (with flavored creamer and trivia)
7.My husband (no masturbation necessary)
But a ponytail holder, clothes, plumbing, electricity and a/c, are pretty high on that list too (not as high as the iPhone though…LOL)
1. Liquor in various forms.
2. All personal hygiene & make up products.
3. Sex (with my partner or my BOB…preferably the 1st).
4. Books!!!
5. Air conditioning….Louisiana is comparable to Hell in heat & humidity most of the year–Fact!
6. iPad/MacBook
7. BlackBerry (I know, I know…but it keeps me focused on business rather than play–hence the iPad).
1. Blistex
2. DVR
3. My Droid Razr
4. My double-wrap scarf (matches everything!!!)
5. Big Bang Theory (refer to #2, can’t get enough!)
6. A cat in the house (right now I have three…don’t judge)
7. Alcohol
No order here…just needs
1. Diet Coke!
2. pajama pants
3. Droid/the internet (how did I for the first half of my life!!)
4. A camera/pictures
5. Makeup
6. Tacos :)
7. Working out
1. Netflix
2. hot sauce
3. coffee
4. my iPhone
5. craft beer
6. Spotify
7. curvy cut jeans from Gap or Loft (probably because of all the craft beer and hot sauce)
1. Keurig
2. Stainless steel water bottle – Klean Kanteen to be exact.
3. Windows Phone
4. My car – seriously…I cannot stay inside for long.
5. Twitter – because inbreeds aren’t smart enough to use it.
These all made me laugh because as I’m reading them I’m not compiling my own list – I’m making a story out of yours. No judging – promise – but I make stories out of everything to remember it… I’m not sure why I want it burned into my brain that you are all masturbating and then posting to Instagram though O_o
For example – Brittany: DVR, accoustic “Jagged Little Pill,” licorice, Bed Head, masturbation, lighter hole thingy and Instagram.
So I’m picturing Brittany in the bush in the wilds of Africa, sitting on the dirt, washing her clothes on a rock in a stream that people pee into… with FABULOUS, non-frizzy hair. When she’s done with the laundry she walks over to an abandoned 2012 Camry that’s parted out, rusted and home to the tribes 73 prized chickens, and plugs her iPod into the “fancy lighter hole” so she can post pics of her nice clean laundry on Instagram to her friends in the tribe next door. It’s been a hard day so she goes inside that rusted out Camry, shoos the chickens out and goes to town on herself! Instead of a post-coitus cig… licorice, yo. To end the night she walks to her hay and goat poop hut to retire – licorice makes you tired (at least in my story). She fluffs her bed of sage brush and fabric scraps and lies down to repeats of BBT from her DVR.
Or something like that… and some of you have some fantastic stories!!!
awesome!
1. Coffee/Water/Wine (yes, I’m cheating by putting three things in the first spot but nothing else is possible in my life without those three things!!)
2. Facebook
3. Camera
4. Dark Chocolate
5. Smut
6. Flip flops
7. Books
** it was decided that air conditioning and indoor plumbing are a given, right???
Oh, this is the kind of list I can totally get behind…
1. My iPhone – because I feel naked without it…I’m unable to function without it. #TrueStory
2. DVR – I’m a busy bee, I’m not always home to watch my shows. My DVR makes sure I never miss them. Thank goodness!!
3. Chick-Fil-A unsweet iced tea – you all can boycott them, but I am addicted to their liquid crack. I don’t drink soda or coffee, so let me have my unsweet tea!
4. Target – I could shop there every day. I’d live there if they’d let me.
5. The Houston Astros – I love my team more than I love a lot of things…even if they aren’t very good right now.
6. My vibrator – it’s well documented that I don’t get the real deal enough, so most times I’m left to fend for myself with myself.
7. My friends – the keep me grounded and tell me like it is no matter what. Sometimes that’s all I need.
I love you, Greis.
1. iPhone.
2. Nikon J1V1 Camera.
3. MacbookPro = Facebook, Blogs, Twitter, Flickr, InstaGram, YouTube
4. Cigarettes.
5. Television.
6. Scented Candles.
7. Pajamas.
Not sure of the order either:
1) Google Chrome (For some reason I have become totally addicted to Chrome – and I HATE Internet Explorer)!
2) Wikipedia (I can’t help but look up every little thing that comes to my mind anymore)
3) iPhone (so I can listen to all my audio books while performing mundane tasks)(this is the one thing I thing Apple does better than Android)!
4) Samsung Note 2 (for item #2 above and everything else (MyFitnessPal, Music, NetFlix, FaceBook, Making Grocery Lists, Playing Games, etc…..)
5) My Swiss Army Backpack – in the case of a Zombie Apocalypse this thing is loaded! Minus a weapon of course, but the sheer weight of this thing could knock a Zombie’s head off!
6) My Wife, Son and our 4 doggies – had to get a little mooshy, but after all – they are why I go to work every day (and yes – there could be two meanings in that phrase depending on the day)!
7) My Adidas Trail Runners – I wear one of my 3 pairs every day – it kills me to wear anything else!
Great question, let’s see:
1. iPhone, absolutely. I find it to be essential even inside my house, because it allows me to give my husband vital instructions from the other room without ever getting off the couch.
2. GPS. Mine is always on, all day, every day. When it freezes up I suddenly lose all sense of direction even in locales I’m familiar with, and start wandering around like a drunk tourist.
3. Everybody’s Nuts Salt and Pepper Pistachios. You’re welcome.
4. Under Armour. Which autocorrect believes should read “underarms out.”
5. Garnier Refreshing Remover Cleanser Towellettes. They really are weirdly refreshing! They almost make you feel like you’ve showered!
6. TiVo. Although lately I’ve gotten so behind on watching anything other than Peep and the Big Wide World and Yo Gabba Gabba, it kind of feels like its mocking me.
7. Baseball caps. They almost make you feel like you’ve showered!
1. Lip Balm – I will literally panic if my lips start to feel dry.
2. Goldbond lotion – this stuff is the bomb and cheap
3. Stretchy pants!
4. my nook – I am in the middle of at least two books at all times. This is the only thing that gets me on the treadmill every day, looking forward to my book.
5. pony tail holders!!! I can only make it so long with my hair down before I start to freak!.
6. Coffeeeee!!!!!! Folgers please.
7. My scentsy warmer. I have one in every room and in my office at work. :)
1- iPhone. Anyone that knows me knows that I have in hand or near by most hours of the day.
2-Fb. On it far too much
3- since it’s list of all our just haves Code Red Mtn Dew is a must for me.
I don’t drink it much anymore but if I could without the added pounds it puts on me I would drink it every day
4-DVR
5-Body pillow- I take it everywhere I go even if I have to take a much bigger suitcase when I go out of town.
6-Eyelash extensions.
7- Moisturizer.
7. Lithium (the Sirius station, not the drug)
6. Diet Coke (I’ve tried to quite so many times…)
5. Mental_floss
4. Gold Emblem cherry flavored jelly hearts from CVS (you can only get them during Valentine’s season, so I have to stock-up this time of year)
3. A pen in my pocketbook
2. Foldable scissors in my pocketbook
1. iPhone (duh)
1- my iphone. I drunkenly dropped it in a glass of water two weeks ago and the subsequent 48 hours waiting to get a new one were freaking torture.
2- chapstick brand chapstick preferably the mint one or the cherry
3- My DVR or I would never ever watch TV- ever and frankly Scandal is just way too important to miss. I mean Sally Langston is trying to take over the world yo!
4- Booze of all kinds but more specifically wine and beer
5- sex
6- tortilla chips and a variety of dips
7- hand sanitizer because the world out there is covered in poo
amen on the Sally Langston! I would so totally take her out if I could.
7. pajamas
6. caffeine/alcohol – depending on time of day
5. ham/bacon & pretty much any pig-derived edible product
4. DVR
3. hersey’s chocolate syrup
2. battery-operated masturbation assistant
1. my ipod – with ALL my music
I. Cant. Choose. Seven. …but I’ll try.
Other than my family and friends, it would have to be…
1. iPhone – Lord spare me a day without it
2. MacBookPro (…or just the Internet in general) – #internetzombie
3. Canon DSLR – …because I must photograph everything lest I forget
4. Instagram – How else would people see pictures of my food?
5. EcoStyler Gel – With this and #6 I can keep my hair somewhat decent
6. Bobby Pins – See #5
7. Dove Deodorant – I cant be all smelly and stuff.
I guess my debit card shouldve been in that list so I could just go online and order the rest of things I need and therefore would not have to limit myself to 7. DAMN IT CARL! Next time Ill pack efficiently.
incidently, most of these are the things i would also grab in the event of a fire:
iPhone
Kindle (the iPhone and Kindle are also a catch-all for the Internet and Hulu/Netflix/Amazon Instant/Spotify/XM/Daytrotter, which I also can’t live without)
Cat
yarn/knitting
Signed setlist from my favorite band/singer from one of their best shows, ever. (I also have a lot more band memorabilia, but if that’s the only thing I could grab in a fire or if I had to make a Sophie’s choice and only keep one, ever, that’d be it, because it’s irreplaceable)
macbook (has all my photos)
car keys (seriously. I have to know where they are at all times. I get panicky.)
1. iPhone
2. Laptop
3. husband
4. chocolate
5. automatic garage door opener
6. beach time
7. Yep, Instagram. ;)
7. Insulin, being diabetic and all.
6. Sephora Body Butter. If you haven’t tried it, please do!
5. Live theater.
4. Alone time. Seriously, I need a few hours per week that I’m awake and alone. I’m going on a solo vacation in March because I haven’t had the alone time that I need.
3. Fresh brand Sugar lip treatments. Sugar Fresh, Sugar Plum, and Sugar Advanced Lip treatment.
2. Pets. Especially my chinchilla, Chester. He’s my little bundle of love and laughter. He has quite literally saved my life by waking me up when my blood sugar was low. He somehow knows what I need and does his best to provide it. He’s my heart in a fur coat.
1. iPhone and everything on it. I’m a musicophile. I just can’t select one album/disc/artist.
1. iPhone
2. Water with limes in it
3. Yoga pants
4. Caffeine – I don’t care what form it comes in. I just need a lot if it.
5. Pssst Dry Shampoo – cause its $3 of awesome.
6. Mascara – the thicker the better
7. My chucks – not the whole collection but at least 7 or 8 pairs. Girls gotta have options.
7. Black eyeliner
6. Brown knee high boots, not too casual/slutty (but can be dressed up or down to be either)
5. Mocha flavored coffee
4. York peppermint patty creamer to go with #5
3. MY hair brush, not even my kid’s will do – with or without old hair
2. Always infinity pads – accept no substitutions
1. Burt’s bees lip balm – Mango
Amazingly, no technology included in this. /pats herself on the back :)
This cracked me up, I also adore the Infinity pads. Andy is always like, why do you ALWAYS have those pads out, are you just ALWAYS on your period. He doesn’t understand how me and my bladder work, apparently.
1. Macbook Pro with wifi – it’s essential to my job and sanity…
2. Netflix/Hulu/OnDemand – I never watch live TV anymore.
3. My car – I love my car and I feel really proud driving it.
4. My dog – I really wish I could take him with me everywhere because his cute fur face never fails to make me smile
5. Doctor Who – I love this show so much, seriously, I’m obsessed.
6. Nail clippers/tweezers/hair ties – just little things that I use all the time and always have on me.
7. DVDs, Blu-rays, and books – I collect them. I love losing myself in other worlds and stories.
I forgot to add Amazon.com. I price check everything on that site and pretty much buy all non-perishable things from there.
Seriously, if I could buy groceries from there, I would. I truly believe that Amazon is essential to my overall goal of never having to leave my house ever again!
1. Prozac – which I am currently not taking because my 6 mth old REFUSES to take a bottle, or cup, or anything that isn’t my boob, and holy crap, am I ever feeling the effects :(
2. Samsung Note 2 – most amazing phone I have ever owned! Am addicted to Candy Crush which I downloaded because Greg Grunberg tweeted that if we download it the makers will donate $1 to fight epilepsy.
3. My beads – I LOVE beading…leather, canvas…pretty much anything!
4. Coke/Dr. Pepper – because I can’t take my meds right now I fill that empty space with soda pop.
5. Instagram – holy crap, I am on that shit every spare moment.
6. Pinterest – When my hubby comes home, I hand him the babies and lose myself on wish lists.
7. Internet – I would be lost without.
1. COFFEE!
2. Internet access (My Facebook/Pinterest/Blogging addiction would force me to die without it)
3. Palette Deluxe Kit 6-88 Intense Ruby Red hair colour
4. Supportive underwire bra
5. Brown eyeliner
6. Birkenstocks….because foot pain due to plantar fasciitis just sucks ass.
7. Detachable shower head….because doing handstands in the shower is just dangerous.
1. The internet- Just got back from a hospital stay in a third world country, IT WAS LIKE GOING BACK IN TIME AND I NEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.
2. My camelback water bottle, because I’m just too lazy to drink water unless there’s a built-in straw.
3. Depakote, the liver-killing love of my life.
4. Kindle/reading material in the traditional form.
5. Cats. Sad but true.
6. VS bras. I hate how they look, but damn if they aren’t like velvet pillows for your boobs.
7. Burt’s Bees Chapstick.