Oh my GOT!
Ugh, life with a teenage drama queen, OH WAIT SHE’S TWO.
So. A lot.
This summer is kicking my ass in the best way possible, in that it’s forcing me to accomplish things I would otherwise ignore from under my comforter in my windowless bedroom.
Have you ever been in a bedroom without windows? It’s magical. It has no sense of time, it’s always the perfect temperature, and you can sleep for an entire day and not realize it, which is the absolute best way to sleep, aside from on a giant pile of money. And even then, I can’t imagine sleeping on money is comfortable. It smells and has germs all over it.
I could sit and think about all the shit a dollar bill has touched, but then I’d never stop washing my hands. Strippers ruin everything.
So, I have this book thing coming up which I will tell you about soon-ish, and also this television thing that I will tell you about even sooner, but first, FIRST, I am speaking at TEDxBGSU.
Which, if you know me, is the most exciting news ever, as I watch TED talks on youtube the way people watch porn…with my pants off. Plus, it puts me about three degrees closer in my 6 degrees of Al Gore challenge.
ONE MORE DEGREE, GORE.
When I was notified I was nominated, I passed out, and then they asked me what I would talk about and I was like…..I HAVE NO IDEA. So, operating on the rational assumption I would never in a million years be selected as a final speaker, I was all, I’ll talk about something super amazing, blah blah blah smart stuff, P.S. Imma give my talk wearing my bathing suit.
And then, they asked me to speak. For real.
So, now that’s happening in real life.
If you are in the area and want to check it out, which I suggest you do for reasons having absolutely nothing to do with me, but rather, because TED is one of the most amazing events on the planet, click here for tickets!
Last week, we spent some time courting an entire family. I don’t want to ruin the end for you, but somebody needs a lobotomy. Click here to read all about it.
And as for this shit fest? I’ll tell you all about how this ended next week. Click here to catch up!
Lastly, if you are looking to feel all inspired and give the picture on the front of your unused 30 Day Shred case the big fuck you, check out this post.
And now for some cool stuff I found on the internet…
I live for the humble-brag. You might not think you know what that is, but you so totally do.
Things I am digging on my Pinterest right now?
Isn’t it always?
Hova!
I need this to feel pretty.
Pug-cakes!
To keep up with everything I love, I suggest joining me on Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Facebook, Google + and Twitter.
My windowless bedroom sucks. I call it my dungeon
My first thought reading, laughing through this was ,”Brittany speaks……Ashley!” (because I *do* have my own language, that only super-intelligent people understand). Then I scrolled down a bit to leave my comment, and typed my name in as Brittany. Then I got all OCD on my scrolling just to see how to spell my name. Brittany? Brittney? Britnie? Brittneigh? (Who’s parents would do that to a kid?!) Finally I realized that’s not even *my* name, so to speak my language might count as some sort of community work or volunteered activities……and then I realized it….I’ll know who I am a *bit* better here shortly. Although I don’t have the wine flu, I did have a *quite* a public affair with Cointreau in the wee hours of the morning (from my blasted 2-windowed bedroom). Ugh. Who I am kidding? It wasn’t public. Everyone was asleep, I was jealous I wasn’t, and Cointreau called out to me. I think. That stuff would taste good on some ice cream right about now.
Congrats on the TED nomination!
…. and now I am thinking about all of the places one dollar bills have been. *wash wash*
You warned me. I was told in advance and did it anyway. I have no one to blame but myself, but I may never get the disgusting mental image of ‘Hef sex’ out of my mind. I need a moment to recover…
CANNOT CANNOT get over how adorable Gigi is and how much she looks just like you.
The best place to sleep is Vegas with those black out shades that roll on down after a heavy night of drinking when you roll in as the sun is coming up. You wake up thinking it’s still dark out which doesn’t make sense cause you saw the sun on your way in. As long as you can’t see a clock, you’re golden.
This works best if you’ve left your little people with their grandparents and the only thing on your agenda is to hit the all you can hold down breakfast buffet followed by a nap on the lounger poolside, as you sip your hair of the dog.
In case you needed a little help with the TED talk, Sebastian Wernicke gave a very funny one, providing a statistical analysis about what makes a good talk. He even came up with an interactive site! Free up your spare time for more wine slushies: http://www.get-tedpad.com/