I can’t bake.
Not even a little.
But, I was hosting a cookie exchange at my house, so my hands were tied.
Confession: I hate potlucks, cookie exchanges and bake sales. I have this weird thing about eating food other people made, out of bowls, plates and crockpots from their house. The person could be totally clean and the food could be delicious, it’s just a mental thing that leaves me completely grossed out.
I do, however, like to gather with friends to drink.
So, since I am really good at concocting alcoholic beverages, I figured, I could distract them with Skittles Vodka, Bourbon Slushies, and large bottles of Moscato, and them serve them a sub par baked good, and they wouldn’t know the difference.
So, I decided to try my hand at making bark. Because I could do it in my microwave, and basically toss in whatever I had handy around the house. I call it vomit bark. But not, like, out loud…because then no one would eat it and I don’t need this shit hanging around the house.
But, then, the weirdest part was, it turned out to actually taste good, which completely came out of left field for me, so after I was done high fiving myself, I typed it up to share with all of you, because sometimes, you just gotta fake it ’til ya make it.
- 1 bar (1lb 8oz) Chocolate Flavored Almond Bark
- 1 bar (1lb 8oz) Vanilla Flavored Almond Bark
- 1 Box of traditional Peppermint Candy Canes, crushed
- 1 Bag Oreos with Red & White Peppermint filling, crushed
- 1 tsp Peppermint Extract
- Line a cookie tray with wax paper, and spray lightly with non stick cooking spray.
- In a microwave safe container, break up the chocolate bark into large pieces, place in bowl, and microwave for 60 seconds.
- Stir chocolate bark, and place back into the microwave for 30 seconds.
- Remove from microwave and pour onto cookie sheet, spreading around evenly with a spatula. Let harden, about 30 minutes.
- When the chocolate layer is hard, in another microwave safe bowl, break up the vanilla bark and microwave for 60 seconds.
- Remove bowl, stir, and place back into microwave for an additional 30 seconds.
- Remove bowl and add 1 tsp of Peppermint Extract to melted vanilla bark, stir to mix. Once completely mixed, pour vanilla bark over chocolate bark, smoothing evenly with a spatula.
- Sprinkle crushed candy canes and oreos evenly over the wet vanilla layer, and gently press in to secure the chunks of candy into the chocolate. Let dry, about 30 minutes. (preferably overnight)
- Once chocolate is completely hardened, break apart into large chunks and enjoy!

looks super yummy!
Hope you’re on the mend from your cyst!
Merry Christmas!
FIRST!!!! YES!!!!
And obviously I like exclimation points. And not knowing how to spell :)
I also think it’s gross to eat other peoples food….work potlucks are my personal nightmare
The bark was really good..the kids went nuts for it!
I support anything with Oreos, plus I can’t bake for shit so this is perfect for me. Thanks!
What about eating dinner at a friends house?
I can totally do it, it’s just something about a collection of random goods cooked allover creation in travel containers. I….yeah I don’t get it either.
My step-dad’s last name is Moscato. I think he’s still my step-dad. My mom died and he’s a super huge pecker that I haven’t talked to since the funeral, but I don’t really know what else to call him except That Super Huge Pecker Guy That Was Married To My Mom Before She Wasn’t Alive Anymore, Who’s Last Name Happens To Also Be The Name Of A Really Tasty Wine.
Anyway. The wine by the same name sure is super tasty.
I don’t even really like peppermint bark, but holy crap that looks good.
What the hell is BARK? Over here it’s something a dog does, or something that grows on trees.
I KNOW, RIGHT!?
So apparently, it’s like candy coating, so it melts easily and hardens faster than melting down regular chocolate chips and whatnot. It comes in huge bars in the baking section.
I am totally making this recipe tonight for all of my coworkers tomorrow. What can I say? They’ve all been bringing bags of candy and shit for one another, with this I can be like “Y’all are gonna make fun of my name and say I can’t make tasty morsels? Come at me, bro.”
How much does the recipe make?
It makes a cookie sheet sized piece of bark, which I then broke into little pieces. It went FAR.
I feel like my boss just wrote this. He totally passes on anything potluck and is all, “Um? Can we just hire a caterer?” You could totally be a CFO one day.
I always had ‘bark envy’…wishing I knew exactly how to make it, being jealous of those who do, and knowing it was probably simple enough that I would look really dumb ASKING how to make it.
Thank you! You just solved this problem. This looks friggin’ amazing. And easy! (just as I thought…) ;)
Merry Christmas!
How important is the peppermin extract? I’m on my third store, no luck with a screaming toddler, please tell me I don’t need it.
XOXO
Well, it flavors the white chocolate peppermint, but I doubt it’s ESSENTIAL. It’s usually right next to the vanilla or almond flavoring. You may also wanna try by subbing creme de menthe (use much more) OR peppermint schnapps (Substitute 1 or 2 tablespoons schnapps for each teaspoon of extract). Keeps things fun:)
Brittany, I find it amusing you can’t bake, yet you know what extracts (and how much!) to substitute!! I think you’re holding out on us.
WELL. My mom is an amazing baker and I am good at google. But, I will never make cookies that don’t burn, or cake that doesn’t crumble. It is my cross to bear.
looks so good and I may just have to get me some peppermint candies while I am out tonight.
Oh and a bottle of Mascato, cause you totally reminded me I need some for our xmas dinner. yummy. I think of you while drinking it also cause I always buy Barefoot Wines Mascato.
Ooo, I’m going to have to try this. I don’t have that bark stuff right now, but I hope it works with chocolate! Yours looks so good…
And also? I have a terrible time with food other people have made. Sometimes it makes people really mad, which is sad because I don’t want to be a jerk, but NO THANKS.
It’s like you are describing me with this title! I burn slice and bake cookies. sigh…..