Yesterday, in the middle of Easter dinner, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, just so I could take my jeans and spanx off and put on some leggings.
For the rest of the night, I felt people staring at me, wondering if I had been wearing stretchy pants the whole time, and they just hadn’t noticed.
Because, what kind of crazy person carries spandex pants with them in their purse?
If I had a quarter for every pair of spanx I all but gnawed off of me in a dirty public restroom after too many carbs and wine, I’d have…well…probably enough to buy another pair of Spanx.
Those fuckers are expensive.
So relate to this. Half way through my wedding reception I wanted to shimmy out of my spanx but couldn’t do it myself with all that fluff. So I suffered through. Just before performing our first marital act I had to ask for help getting out of the layers of shape wear. It wasn’t exactly the sexiest moment.
This is an exact replica of my wedding night. I wore 4 different shaping/sucking devices under my wedding dress. It was NOT pretty when he had to peel it off me.
I did the same thing. And back then? Shapewear was NOT attractive.
I’m thinking about burning all of my Spanx in a ceremonial cleansing. I haven’t decided yet, but I think it would be like the episode of Friends where they burn their exboyfriend stuff on V-Day and the hot firemen showup. Maybe if I burn my Spanx, the world will bestow upon me comfortable shapewear???
Or how about just liposuction. I could be down with that.
Expensive? Yes.
But can you put a price on magic?
Fact: Assets, the Spanx off brand? Actually love them more.
oh-I see myself doing this VERRRRY soon. I’m leaving for Kauai in 6 days. Started to pack yesterday. Holy pile of spanxage. But the prob is this: warm climate+less covering clothing=need for more spanx. I’ll prob pass out. Help!
It’s why I dread summer. I need to live in a Spanx friendly environment.
I tried some spanx for a special event and could barely get those suckers ON, so taking them off might require the fire department. I am pretending I don’t now about them. (Yes, I am the only person on earth.) I am sticking with my control panties, which make me look sexy in my dress, but feel like the epitome of granny panties. It is an emotional duality.
http://www.alotoflayers.blogspot.com
OMG, I totally did the same thing. And I took off stretchy maternity jeans to get to the spandex. I guess I need larger mat jeans. :0\
Oh, you just reminded me when I wore Spanx® under a maternity dress. I needed an intervention.
I actually like to bring leggings… Just in case. And extra shoes. My purse is also a pharmacy. I have a big one. Obviously.
Geez, the things we do to ourselves. I, however, cannot wear Spanx. The couple of times I tried, I almost passed out! They are just painful to put on and keep on, and halfway throughout the day I feel like I cannot breathe, and I start to feel nauseated.
Still, I need to wear some type of shapewear to hide my not-so-firm body, so what I do is wear pantyhose year-round. But not just any pantyhose will do. I am apple-shaped so I have a thick middle and most panty hose will roll down making me feel like I am being sawed in half!
What I wear is Hanes Solutions panty hose, Every. Single. Workday. They are sold at Target and there are different versions, but the one I like has a high waist that I can pull up and it gives me enough hold, without killing me. The bad part is that they don’t last very long so I will help keep the company in business for a long time…
I’ve tried Spanx. I feel like a sausage. I don’t like sausage. I do like those bodysuit type things, although I find hooking those crotch hooks to be a death defying feat after a couple of shots.
I carry around sweatpants in my car and leggings in the diaper bag, screw wearing jeans I hate hate HATE them! They’re worn for a bit and then bye-bye, just enough to get in a few good pictures then its back to the cotton