When I think of hell, I imagine it being my living room, with all the toys and crap shoved into one corner, and white, slightly wrinkled sheet hanging on the far wall.
I’m standing in the middle of the room, wearing a full body grizzly bear costume, while three little identical Gary Busey’s run around me screaming and shooting each other with squirt guns full of gasoline as I scream at them to stop fighting and to stand in front of the sheet and smile.
There are few things worse than Christmas card photo day.
Except maybe stomach flu you throw up so hard you poop yourself day.
Or the opening day of absolutely any Fast & the Furious movie.
You go into it with a plan and a pocket full of good intentions.
All the clothes are laid out. The kids have had a bath, their hair washed and styled. You spend the morning running around without a shirt on, as to not end up with armpit stains and dog hair down the front of you.
Then you start yelling things like…
Come on, we’re losing the light!
Stop touching yourself!
Just smile for 5 fucking seconds!
Fine, then none of you will be in the picture, thanks for ruining Christmas!
Two hours later, you’re flipping through the shots on the view screen of your camera, deciding what heads you can photoshop onto what bodies, and which fists full of hair you can crop out.
And you’re sweaty. So, so sweaty.
Last year, after sending everyone to their rooms for the day and drinking my feelings in the hall closet, it hit me.
I didn’t have to do this.
Christmas cards weren’t a mandatory part of the holidays.
The tiny Grinch on my right shoulder rejoiced, as the wee Clark Griswold on my left wept into the sleeve of his Christmas cardigan.
2011 would be the year of no Christmas cards.
But then Shutterfly emails me last week, asking if they could do my holiday cards for me. No seriously, I’m not doing them, so stop asking, ok?
Then they were all, OMG I know they are super stressful and unfun, just check out this Family Photo Days site we designed to make it a less sucky experience and let us know, P.S. You look really pretty today.
So I was like, fine, but I’m still totally not doing them, because my kids don’t even like me right now, and we have no matching plaid outfits.
Except, when I went to the site…THEY WERE ADORABLE, Y’ALL. Yes. Yes I will do holiday cards this year.
The tiny Clark Griswold on my shoulder high fived my neck and came in his pants.
So today, totally inspired by Shutterfly Family Photo Days, we made our Christmas cards.
Nobody fought, nobody was listed for sale on Craigslist, and the only person who cried was Andy…when I showed him how adorable the people I made with my organs were.
So, fine. I’m not going to be a Grinch this year, at least about the cards, I still have no idea what a yule log is, and it totally sounds stupid.
But, since I’m feeling especially merry, I’ve decided to pass along the Christmas cheer to one of you, by way of 25 free Shutterfly cards of your choice.
All you have to do is leave me a comment with your favorite family photo tip, aka, how you get through family photos without murdering anyone.
You can enter as many times as you wish, with each comment containing one tip.
For extra entries, you can tweet about the Family Photo Day card giveaway using the hashtag #shutterflycards, and then just leave the link to your tweet in a comment.
This contest runs until December 9th, 2011 at 12am EST. One winner will be randomly selected, and prize delivered upon confirmation of winning.
I was compensated for this post by Shutterfly, but my opinions and the kids in the picture are my own. Allegedly.
I dunno if it’s a tip, but here’s my plan: I’m going to nonchalantly dress my kids in Christmas jammies and put them to bed. When they’re all asleep, I’m going to pile them up in the big bed, take a picture of them, and call it a damn day.
I tweeted, yo.
https://twitter.com/#!/evinschmevin/status/144782888041316353
threats, of course.
A little alcohol for the parents and some candy for the kids… This combo usually gets me at least 1 usable photo for Christmas cards… Tho this year I have a 2 1/2 year old that thinks our Christmas tree is a Lion and is absolutely TERRIFIED of said tree. So we may have to choose a different location for our photo shoot. Or photoshop the tree in, or the kid!
One word…Xanax!!! (for me, not the kids!)
Xanax & Vodka….the true gifts of the Wise Men!
I spent the entire Christmas photo shoot this season seething with hostility. My tip is that you should spend the entire time fantasizing that this will be your last family photo. Envision yourself way hotter, divorced and holding a drink on the beach with the Old Spice Guy at your side next year. :)
I was hoping for my original suggestion of a sex toy giveaway. Darn.
I have no photo tips b/c I’m a bigger grinch than you and don’t do Christmas cards. I know! Slacker, I am. Yours are super cute though :)
P.S. The card? Totally worth whatever forms of fresh Hell it brought forth.
So freakin’ cute that my ovaries are screaming at me loudly to procreate again.
My tip is simple…dress them…arrange them…tell them they have 5 mins to give you a handful of photos to work with, otherwise…WE WILL DO THIS ALL DAY…then remind them that the sooner they cooperate, the sooner they can go play video games and Barbies!;)
Send your kid to Grandmas house, have an AWESOME sister in law (Meredith Soleau). And VIOLA! Pictures appear in a flicker account for your viewing and christmas card making pleasure!
The photog in me loves you even more. Very cute cards.
I used to stick Fentanyl patches into their socks. It make them so docile and malleable and bonus they would go right to sleep afterward
My other tip is also simple…take photos while they are doing everyday things, like sleeping, reading, sitting still watching TV or playing a game!;) That’s what I did this year and I think it turned out cute. No posing or fancy clothes necessary…no reminding them to stop doing that cheesy smile or to stop blinking for goodness sake!! I took ours right after showers, while they were doing an ISpy book together! It turned out so much cuter than the posed pics I was trying!;) I really like sleeping “Angel” pics, but that doesn’t fly with my 12 yr old anymore!:(
My tip: Have someone else do them.
This year, we took advantage of an offer from a local photographer. Christmas card pictures on a CD for us to use at our discretion in exchange for any amount donated to the local food bank. We got 32 pictures taken in her studio with her fancy camera and good lighting for a $50 check to the foodbank. Worth. Every. Penny.
Somehow we manage to get through it peacefully… and then my husband, Mr. Graphic Designer by trade, adds his flair (like a Lucha Libre guy or zombie standing next to us) and then I don’t want to send them to anyone I work with.
We jingle keys to get their attention during photos. Grandpa loves it.
(((snort laugh)))
my tummy hurts from laughing!
Only put the dogs in the picture. Dogs full of cheese. And benadryl.
TBH, for our cards, I usually choose a card that lets me have multiple pictures. This year, we did one with snapshots from throughout the year.
Which is basically because I’m not organized enough to get us all in the same room at the same time AND smiling.
Fart noises. Farts = smiles and giggles. It’s low brow, sure, but I have four kids, so honestly, I’m lucky they have pants on.
I agree with everyone who said to use candid pictures. The posed ones are so very, very painful you can almost sense it when you look at them.
We might see your fake smile, but your eyes are saying, “I’m gonna beat the fuckin’ shit out of these kids when we’re done and file for divorce from my husband.”
And that doesn’t make me feel very festive when I open my mail.
Bribes. Bribes work for the kiddos. And then we threaten them with no Santa this year and remind them that the elf on the shelf is seeing everything.
WINE. For me, not the kids.
If I try and it doesn’t work out, I just find a cute photo from earlier in the year and call it a day. Or use a photo of the dog instead, he usually is much more cooperative.
Tweeted! https://twitter.com/#!/lifeloveandwine/status/144794908211949568
For a family photo where everyone has a genuine smile, whisper a dirty word right before the photographer snaps the picture. “Fuzzy pickles” is a good alternative if you think your kinds aren’t old enough for dirty words.
Damn it. I wasn’t doing cards either but yours are super cute…
Last year I made use of Windows 7 and cropped the crying angry child’s head with one where he was laughing before the official shot began. It was magic.
Candy is always good. It looks fine in pics too. Think main thing is not to expect to much out of them. The pic I used last year was actually one daughter hugging the other who was desperately trying to get away. Wasn’t Norman Rockwell but everyone that got them, loved it.
Andy cried?! Awwwwe, what a vagina.
My tip? Don’t tell the kids I’m taking the picture and I get these adorable candid moments when they’re looking at each other instead of mkaing painfully fake smiles :).
Here’s my family holiday photo top: Get a dog instead of having kids, dress him up as an elf, pose him in front of the tree & snap away. Dogs are way easier to bribe with cookies. Plus, it is effing HILARIOUS, and it’s hard to get all pissed off about your pictures not turning out when you’re laughing your ass off over a dog wearing elf ears. True story.
Of course, this could all backfire horribly if your dog eats your face off while you sleep because you dressed him up in a stupid costume, took pictures, then mailed them to people.
I gotta second or third the candid shot thing. As soon as my two year old gets the slightest idea that he is about forced into being photographed (either at home or in a studio) he goes into total meltdown mode. Being pregnant I can’t drink (and a drink is so needed after trying to convince a kid to smile dammit) so I decided this year to look through the candid shots we had of him, did some basic photo editing and voila great picture.
my photo tip would be: do not let your friend’s “photographer friend” take your pics for a steal of a price. bad angles, double chins, a pregnant looking husband and a pic that had to be cropped to high hell to make it anywhere near holiday card acceptable. it’s loaded and ready to go on kodakgallery, but now that i see these shutterfly cards, i must have! pretty please :)
Everyone is talking about their Christmas cards, and all I can do is picture a tiny Clark Griswold, doing said things as mentioned in your post!
What is wrong with me?!?!
Alcohol. Lots of it.
Sure, for the kids too.
Ice cream my dear, ice cream! Promising the kids bribes/rewards only lasts so long, and then they need to see it. We had a friend hold ice cream above the photographers camera and I got some awesome smiles for this years cards!
Today we are taking christmas pictures with a photographer! Partially because we have not had a professional family pictures since my kids were bornn. These tips have helped but I am bribing with suckers because my kiddos, my little one especially, loves suckers. And if that doesn’t work then….. who knows!
Today we are taking christmas pictures with a photographer! Partially because we have not had a professional family pictures since my kids were born. These tips have helped but I am bribing with suckers because my kiddos, my little one especially, loves suckers. And if that doesn’t work then….. who knows!
I don’t mean to brag (OK, yes, I totally do), but I never have to fight my kids to get ready for a photo. Once my girls hit the tweens, they make sure they look good for any and all family photo opportunies. They want to look their absolute best in any photo and pretty much have all rights of refusal on photo selection.
*opportunities. Uh, I hate when I don’t proof before publishing :(
I drink a glass of wine and bribe the kid and dog. Then I pray that our friends and family find slobber adorable, and mail off whatever I get. Shutterfly me!
My family photo tip is to beg my sister-in-law who is a professional photographer take them for me when she is in town. It is so much easier when I don’t have to worry about the actual photo taking. Plus she takes awesome photos so it is a win/win.
Bribes! Lots and lots of bribes!! We try to get a family photo taken in less than 5 minutes. We usually have 1 that works!!
Booze, lots and lots of Booze
Well, since we only have fur children, my tip for a Christmas card photo (because yes were sending out a card with our dogs on it) is to get them all in the same place, say ‘sit sit sit sit sit sit stay!’ and start snapping. Basically it’s a craps shoot and you have to hope for the best. Thankfully ours turned out quite nice. It was pure luck.
My fav holiday card tip is to upcycle a random family photo from earlier in the year. If that doesn’t work I spaz out on Hubs saying that I can’t handle the stress of failure if the kids don’t cooperate for the ONE AND ONLY THING I ASK FOR EACH YEAR (=family photo for christmas). Then Hubs goes and quietly begs children to “Please cooperate, smile decently, no cross eyes, and for heaven’s sake tell her that whatever outfit she finally comes out wearing for the picture…tell her she looks beautiful. Don’t make me nudge you. She sees nudges and it won’t look genuine and she’ll make us all wait another 45 minutes while she throws clothes and has another breakdown and then has to redo her makeup. Seriously, I’ll buy you whatever iGadget you want. Just do this. Thanks”
Beer for mom and dad and promises of staying up late for the kids.
My daughter loves candy and my dog will do anything for a bone. This years photos will be my daughter dressed up as santa and my dog as a reindeer. My dog will tolerate my daughter for about 10 minutes so this will be a quick photo shoot. I’ll have a TON of candy and bones right in front of me so they are BOTH staring at me. … if it doesn’t work then I’m going to have multiple margaritas.
Okay so I’m going to feel awful if I missed this somehow, but didn’t you have two pugs? Henry and the silvery one? What happened to the pugs?!
Yes, I was wondering where they were, too. C’mon, they must already be feeling displaced by Poppy. Show them some love!
HA! They get TONS O LOVE. The puppies are all my mom’s. She travels all over the country buying different colors of them, as she breeds pugs. I just get the pleasure of having them with me during the day when they are TEENY TINY so they aren’t left alone.
Henry is there too, ahem…Chief Humper.
We have started a fairly new tradition of taking our Christmas photo on thanksgiving, since we are already dressed up and looking put together (ya right). Unfortunately, I have yet to get a photo of all four of us smiling at the same time. So I usually pick the ones I look the least strange in and go with that. The kids are cute whether they look at the camera or not. :)
no kids, only dogs, so that part is relatively easy and I threaten to withold sex from the hubby