Parenting

The Max & Ruby Finale

April 1, 2014

Sometimes when I am stuck watching mind-numbing cartoons with my kids, I daydream about all the ways I’d fix them. I’d dress up like Mark Cuban and demand to see the Imagination Movers profit numbers. I’d burn Caillou’s house down as they slept… kidding. Here is how I imagine the finale of Max & Ruby. […]

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Elementary School. It’s not all limos and Happy Meals.

January 22, 2014

Last week Gigi’s midterm report came home informing me she recognized no letters or letter sounds, and she was unable to write her name. Which is weird because she definitely knew all those things going into her second year of preschool. A preschool that apparently bases it’s curriculum on The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. […]

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Earrings for Gigi?

December 30, 2013

First of all, four year olds aren’t in charge of making life decisions. Logically, I know this to be true. I’m the parent. No means no. Because I said so. I walked up hill both ways in the snow to do whatever asinine thing you are trying to weasel out of to play XBox. I’ll […]

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House Rule: In These Bodies We Dance

December 16, 2013

How do I teach my daughter to love her body? Good question, I don’t know. It’s actually terrifying. I have no experience liking my body before age 29. I failed in elementary school. I bombed in high school. College was a blurry mess. I can’t sit here and pretend to have any idea how to […]

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Cheers, Betty.

December 6, 2013

Having a live tree has been a live, in-home therapy session for my closeted holiday OCD. We had such a magical day planned to go pick out the perfect tree. We’d hop in the car and sing Christmas carols the whole way. We’d walk together down the rows and rows of trees, homemade hot chocolate […]

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The Running Tally of Happiness & Fulfillment

December 1, 2013

1. I’m thankful for the boxes of Ritz crackers dipped in chocolate. 2. I’m thankful that my kids don’t like Minecraft, because I have no fucking idea what’s going on when we play it and it gives me nightmares. 3. I’m thankful Andy is willing to live with a writer, and never questions when he […]

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Halloween 2013

October 31, 2013

La la laaaa la la.  We didn’t have our big Halloween bash this year. I’ve been injured and in a foul mood about it, plus we’re leaving for Florida tomorrow, so things just got a little too busy to properly plan a soiree. Unfortunately, that also means that I didn’t have anywhere to don a […]

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The Comeback Kid

October 24, 2013

I went off to college wanting to be an elementary school teacher. That goal was lost somewhere along the line, but I had a very 1950′s daydream about me in cardigan sweater sets talking about conjugating verbs. After college, I spent my summers working at an all-girls summer camp, and my first week on the […]

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Comfort Flaws

October 18, 2013

I’ve had a lot of downtime, and like chicken soup to the soul, I’ve been feeding the healing process with movies and celebrity gossip and pizza rolls. None of it particularly healthy, but soothing in the same way people on ecstasy like suckers. Somewhere between Meatballs and Meatballs 2 I heard that Charlie Hunnam had […]

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Adulthood. You’re Not Doing It Right.

August 21, 2013

I feel like there are tons of things about being a woman or an adult or even a mom, I should know. And it’s only when I come into a situation in which I should clearly be able to effectively function, that I realize, I have no idea what I’m doing. Somebody take away my […]

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