This contains spoilers. Lots of them.
Alright, this is going to be quick, because it turns out it’s really easy to write a book review for a book that’s, like, 70% humping.
Yesterday, I talked about Fifty Shades of Grey Book 1, and today, I will tackle book 2, because they are super fast reads, and I don’t have a lot going on right now.
So, in terms of the sex, Fifty Shades Darker is less freaky and more lovey, nobody is using the word vagina yet, and everybody is always eating. In reality, this is my utopia, but in terms of fantasy… it’s hard to wrap my head around people who use old people words for genitals. Even a cooter would be a welcome change up.
Christian has told Ana he loves her, and Ana is basically the most annoying person on the planet. As per usual.
Christian is the one who is supposed to have all these issues, but, I’ll be honest, I’d take a ball gag to the mouth before I’d sit and listen to Ana have constant freak outs about my ex-old lady lover, my suck ass childhood, and also every other thing ever OMG SHE IS FIFTY SHADES OF INSECURE, NAGGY AND STABBY.
What’s that Christian? You spank women who look like your dead drug addict birth mother and then have sex with them? Sounds awesome, let’s get away from this crazy pants lip biter over here, she’s weirding me out.
That’s how you know a character is flawed, everyone is more appealing to hang out with than her, even the sadist.
On the plus side, this book had a plot, which was a nice change up, but I’m still having trouble picturing characters in my head. I’ve decided Christian is the guy who played the Winklevoss twins in The Social Network, Taylor is Chuy from Chelsea Lately, and Mrs. Jones is Helen Mirren.
Also, I know this series started as Twilight fan fiction, which is probably why Anastasia is so damn irritating, but I have to say, it also bugs me that she gave Christian the last name Grey, like Mr. Grey from on of my favorite movies ever, Secretary, which features a spanky/submissive plot line similar to this. So,is there nothing original about this series?
It makes me want to write a book about adults who are selected by lottery to go into this giant arena and kill eachother, but also have lots of sex. I think I’m going to name the main characters Juno Macguff and Ron Burgundy.
On to book 3.