Driving straight through the night from Florida the other day, Andy and I had a lot of couple time. Well, not that kind of couple time, there were kids sleeping in the back, and there was this giant center console, and the whole thing was just awkward.
So instead we talked about crap, and one of those craps was birthdays, which, if you are new here, consume the month of April. All our birthdays are in April, save for Jude who’s the first week of May. This is our fattest and brokest month, and by May 9th the thought of cake makes me want to projectile vomit everywhere.
But this chat wasn’t centered around kid birthdays, those are easy. It was for us. And we are, like, hella hard to buy for. We both say we need nothing, but what we really mean is boobs and vagina for him and travel and shiny things for me, and after much debate, we decide to combine those two things and give ourselves something we’ve never given each other before.
A romantic tropical vacation.
Prior to this moment, that would have been a nightmare for me. Like, we honeymooned in Vegas in December. I avoided warm weather like the plague. I used to say I hated beaches, but the truth is, I hated what beaches meant. Bathing suits and summer clothes; not chubby girl who hates herself friendly. But now? Well now this new Could Give two Shits Brittany wants a beach vacation with fruity drinks and wifi and pigs on spits and a king size bed and maybe even some friends. A couples retreat.
Also, we’re cold as fuck.
So, I need your input. Where do we go? All inclusive would be nice, just for ease purposes, plus I eat and drink a lot. I’d like the location to be relatively safe and not murdery. White sand and blue water would be lovely. Related: don’t forget, I refuse to go on boats so no cruises, I mean, I still hate the ocean, it’s a pit of nightmares.
What tropical location would you retreat to?
The resort Shauna went to looked pretty snazzy. Check out some deals on apple vacations. Happy tropical vacationing you two!
We love destin Florida. Prettiest beaches ever. No all inclusives that I know of. Best bang for the buck would be Mexico. Puerto Vallarta was amazing and also Cozumel. GL!
I would love to go back to Cabo San Lucas. The weather was warm and the resort fantastic.
Pueblo Bonito Sunset Beach but if you can swing it try the MonteCristo, each villa, their own pool. Just saying. The only turn off in Cabo is the hard sell everywhere on time shares. It just made me drink more.
St. Lucia definitely. My wife and I went there for a friend’s wedding and also happened to be her birthday. We stayed at a Sandals (ha ha I know) but it was awesome. Five different restaurants, gorgeous beaches, unlimited booze, the “room” we had was a two-story villa with a private, totally secluded pool, beach access, butler service (like 24 hour I need something use my bat phone and the butler come running). There were private car service transfers back and forth from the airport. Sounds like exactly what you’re looking for. We’re planning on going back soon. DM me if you want other details.
I’m considering Sandals…why do you say “ha ha I know”?
I have only started to research, it seems it might be more young and spring breaky. Which, hi, you are young, where as I am old and crochety. I hear both good and bad things about Sandals. But that’s the issue with MOST places.
Hey crackhead, pretty sure you’re a few months younger than me. :)
WELL YOU LOOK YOUNGER.
Sandals in Jamaica. I would recommend Montego Bay. All-inclusive the alcohol flows very freely and it was super fun!
Montego Bay all the way! And its MUCH closer to the airport than Ocho Rios! (like only 20 min or so…)
Went to Sandals Montego Bay for our honeymoon in 1996 – would love to go back!! All-inclusive & amazing!
My husband and I went to Jamaica on our honeymoon this past October and it was amazing, save for the slight hiccup of Hurricane Sandy, which sort of ruined one day on the beach. We were at the Secrets St. James resort in Montego Bay (all inclusive) and aside from it just being a really nice resort, they handled the hurricane thing REALLY well so I would go back in a heartbeat! Oh and the people are super nice. Ya, mon! :)
Cozumel is beautiful. I got there by boat, but I’m sure you can bypass that. Went snorkeling for the first time there, and considering I have a fear if swimming in open water, it was pretty fantastic. Being able to sit on the boat and see the bottom. Of the ocean was trippy, and amazing, and awesome. When going to Mexico though, find a resort and stay there. Outside of the resorts, ports,etc are just scary. We went outside port for snokeling and walked the mile back to port. Nothing terrible happen, but I wouldn’t want to do it again.
St. Thomas is great! Awesome beaches (Magen’s Bay Beach); shopping is great too! I would definitely go back there!
Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. It’s amazing, fairly inexpensive and it just gets better every time I go!
Or Puerto Rico… both are amazing
Casa de Campo – Dominican Republic
I have to agree with Katie here. Although I have never been, my cousin goes twice a year and LOVES it more than anything! I’ve seen the videos and pictures…breath taking. She even got married there.
My favorite location for an All Inclusive ( which really is a GREAT way to go) is Punta Cana! We really enjoyed the Iberostars on Bavaro Beach. The beach is GORGEOUS! The water even prettier! The employees were all extremely nice. I love it there!
Love it! The Mamajuana is delicious too, we brought bottles and bottles of that liquid death back!
A year ago today I was in Punta Cana, Domincan Republic for my 10 year anniversary with the mister. I, too, have always had the same fears as you and I EMBRACED this vacation and had the best time ever. We stayed at the Hard Rock (all-inclusive) and I HIGHLY recommend it!! We booked through Costco and got a smokin’ deal. But, the fact that I walked from our room down to the beach in nothing but my bathing suit is what made it priceless. First time I’d owned it and it was awesome. Punta Cana, Punta Cana!
I posted about it when we returned: http://peterspartyof5.blogspot.com/2012/04/punta-cana-trip-worth-waiting-for.html
I just read your post and I laughed because I think we have very similar photos excursion wise and we too visited Maria’s farm. It’s the best!
Ok I’m seriously considering this one. Is there a bar or drink service on the beach?
Come to Costa Rica, cheap, great weather, beautiful beaches, white sand blue water!!! Ask anyone!
Playa Del Carmen south of Cancun. No murderous stories there, not as commercialized at Cancun, great beaches and weather. We loved the Secrets resorts. They are adults only. But plenty of options down there! Look online for Mayan Riviera, that is how the sites describe that area. Or if you go Caribbean, Aruba is the hands down winner!
Seaside, FL. Or any little town along a strip known as 30A. White sand, emerald water, seafood caught that morning, relaxing bars…..etc. Paradise without a passport.
Definitely Tulum Mexico. I spent my 42nd birthday there last June. Absolutely amazing and just about every resort is all inclusive.
We went here on our honeymoon: http://www.eldoradosparesorts.com/hotels/el_dorado_royale/
It was nothing short of amazing, and it’s my happy place when the world gets to me and I need to close my eyes for a minute.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Only may I recommend their other location, El Dorado Seaside Suites? (http://www.eldoradosparesorts.com/hotels/el_dorado_seaside/) It’s smaller and from what I can tell, a little more intimate than Royale.
We went there for our honeymoon four years ago — and it was incredible! We actually had a mix-up in the deal we got when we booked, so we spent the first 3 nights in a beachfront (100 feet from the beach or so) and then switched to a swim-up suite for the last few nights (literally you walk out your door and into the pool, then swim another 20 feet and you’re at the bar – amazing).
And I can’t stress this enough — there’s GOURMET FOOD! I’ve heard a lot of all-inclusives (at least in Mexico) do a bunch of fried food and you just feel like crap the whole time. Not here – although you can still get fried food if you have that craving :)
Seriously, you won’t be disappointed. It’s WONDERFUL!!
Excellence resorts, Playa Mujeres. ! I was there last April and it is amazing!!!!
http://www.excellence-resorts.com/caribbean-and-mexico-destinations/excellence-playa-mujeres
I would say any Sandals resort in the Caribbean…sort of my dream. I also have friends who used to live in Costa Rica and they go back every few years and it looks amazing and is super cheap apparently. I will go out on a limb and say stay away from Hawaii. I think there is like 1 all inclusive out there and if you don’t stay there you will pay thousands for just food and drink. It is the most freaking expensive place to eat ever.
My sister went to an all-inclusive resort in Punta Cana, Mexico for her honeymoon five years ago, and she and my brother-in-law loved it.
Dominican Republic. Fantabulous!
Antigua. Awesome island. Grand Cayman is lovely too. Here’s a good place to start:
http://www.fodors.com/news/story_3679.html
Happy planning!
I so wish I could be you with that body confidence thing. I wanna be you when I grow up -(shhh…nobody tell her I’m older than her!) I live in Florida and avoid the beach like the plague. We were in Aruba over New Years, I have ever been so thoroughly unimpressed. I’d pick the place with the mamajuana. :-)
Totally agree with David Chestnut’s comment above. Went to the Sandals in St. Lucia for our honeymoon and it was AWESOME! You can visit the other two Sandals locations for free and the food was great. “I’ll take 3 appetizers, please”. Shit is free, right!? We didn’t go in the Ocean (FISH EEECCKK!) but the pools were great and the Dirty Banana drinks were the f’ing BOMB. We stayed at Sandals La Toc.
We are going here, http://www.aquacancunresort.com/, at the end of May and I can’t wait!
If you want to stay in the states, Ft. Walton beaches in Florida (Destin area) are scrumptious. If you want to travel further, Punta Cana, Dominican Republic rocks my socks. There are tons of inexpensive all-inclusives that provide loads of booze and great big king size beds perfect for couple time ;)
Bit of a trip. But: Renedvous Resort in St. Lucia. Don’t let the creepy name and the slightly weird website freak you out. This place is fab. It is were happiness and couple fun time is born.
It’s all inclusive, (why yes I will have another rum punch delivered to my beach chair) it has a spa, two pools, a gorgeous beach and the most amazing staff ever.
They sent us a Thank you note after we got home.
It’s also hella expensive(we got the most amazing Cyber Monday deal ever) but well worth it I think.
My husband and I went to Maya Riveria Mexico earlier this year and loved it. The water is like nothing you’ve ever seen. We didn’t do the all-inclusive but there are tons of resorts there for that sort of thing. We rented a car and drove all over the place and felt completely safe. Saw Mayan ruins, laid on the beach, caught a bit of nightlife in Playa del Carmen. Really amazing. I highly recommend it!
Try Bookit.com. I scoped out trips to puerto varta, Costa Rica, and the Bahamas lady month. All inclusive and great prices.
We did all-inclusive Domincan Republic (leaving from Cincinnati) at Paradisius Palma Real Punta Cana. There wasn’t wifi (it was 2008) but there was internet so they might have it now! EVERYTHING was included: top shelf booze, horse back riding on the beach, party boats, cocktail lessons, snorkelling—you name it!
I’ve heard St. Lucia is amazing! Joanna Goddard (cupofjo blogger) just got back from there and the pictures look incredible.
Cancun! Direct flight from Detroit. Inexpensive. G-g-g-g-gorgeous! The bluest ocean. The whitest sand beaches. And I found the service to be the friendliest and most attentive I’ve ever had anywhere. (That may be because of the hotel we stayed at.) We didn’t do an all-inclusive so I can’t help you there. But there are tons of all-inclusive hotels there to choose from. It’s definitely worth a look-see.
My husband and I decided the exact same thing last year and we tried and tried to plan it with a group of people but our friends kept having to drop out couple by couple for various reasons and we ended up going all alone for an entire week to an unspeakably dreamy resort in Mexico for a week and it was, hands down, the most decadent and romantic week of my life.
We went to the Secrets Maroma Beach resort in Playa del Carmen. For the price and everything it entailed, it was absolutely perfect and extremely affordable. I cannot say enough wonderful things about it. The service, the food, the atmosphere. When I first looked at it online, I assumed that when we arrived, it would be lovely but not at all like the pictures. Actually? The pictures didn’t do it justice.
And while everyone is suggesting Sandals resorts, and I get it… they are lovely and fun and quite affordable, this is kind of a step up in the “maturity” scale. I found Sandals to be very… spring-break-esque and not at all what I wanted.
So… Secrets. I’ve been to Capri and Maroma Beach and loved the both but Maroma? Oh holy hell. I would go back every single year and I don’t think it would ever get old. (There was also a resort in Cap Cana in the Dominican Republic and that is the one we originally wanted to choose but when we realized we could spend a full seven days in Mexico for what we would spend on 4 days in the DR, it was kind of a no-brainer.
Seriously… if you have ANY questions about it, please don’t hesitate to email me. It is impossible for me to tell you how much I loved this place.
http://secretsresorts.com/maroma-beach-riviera-cancun/
You know, I wondered about the spring break feeling. We DEF want chill.
It was absolutely chill. There were weddings every day but those were honestly no big deal and? They were in the late afternoon/early evening when we had already gone inside for naked adult siesta time so we barely even noticed them.
Oh and? There is a room service cabinet/privacy box. Which means? You can order your drunken post-sex cheese fries and you don’t have to put on pants when they are delivered… Perfection. Maroma Beach is my happy place.
And apparently, after checking the website, the Cap Cana resort in the DR is no longer part of the Secrets chain. Which makes me sad because it had a castle…
I would definately say Aruba…it comes complete with gorgeous beaches, amazing activites including awesome tours that include off road vehicles as well as getting to swim in an old cove once infested with sea turtles. Most importantly the island is home to some amazing wildlife and trees that grow sideways due to the strong winds, this also helps the island to never get humid :)
My hair just got excited about the humidity part.
The lack of humidity comment, got my attention. I went to Cancun years ago, and while the hotel and views were wonderful, I was absolutely miserable due to the excessive humidity.
My hair is straight so I don’t worry about the afro look; however, it was stuck to my head the whole time. I could’t stop sweating! I think my body went into complete shock going from a place with almost zero humidity to 100% humidity. I was a puddle of sweat THE WHOLE TIME!
That’s why I’d never go back there. Too bad, because the place was beautiful and all inclusive. The hotel is called Riu Caribe and is right by the beach, in case someone is interested.
EEk!. I forgot the most important part about Rendevous. It’s couples only, so there are no kids and no teenagers running about. My husband and I actually forgot there were kids allowed on the Island until we got to the airport.
It’s mainly delightful old British couples with a smattering of weddings. Super chill.
My husband and I just got back from Kauai…
crystal clear blue water, white sand, the best mai tais ever, hot but not gross hot, and for some reason vacation packages are affordable right now….also, it’s still America so you won’t get the shits from eating ice cubes and they have a walmart should you find yourself in need of one.
I used to live in Destin, FL and it’s beautiful and all, but nothing says love like having to take a passport and/or a plane trip over water (see: Hawaii). If, however, you DO decide on Destin, I’ll totally give you insider tips on the best area/beaches, pubs, etc.
i loved sandals ocho rios. it’s a bit of a drive from the airport, but we were able to get a room with a view AND a butler. the butler was amazing – they bring you booze and snacks, schedule your activities and more. plus they’re super sweet and friendly. we didn’t have to drag money around because everything was covered. we had a blast!
Take a look at some of the specials for Mauritius (close to Madagascar). It’s just gorgeous and really well priced. Fantastic food, loads of booze!
All-inclusive and white sand beaches? Mexico is the best bang for your buck and not as “murdery” as people might think if you stay around your resort. We loved Cabo San Lucas when my brother got married there last fall. My boys said they liked it better than Maui (gasp!). Cancun is much closer to you and we really loved it there too. Most of your all-inclusives have fabulous alcohol dispensers right in your room so you’re all set. However, I just saw your hair/humidity comment and I have to say I have never looked more like Sideshow Bob than when we were in Mexico (cue evil laugh).
We just got back from the island of Roatan Honduras .. The beaches are gorgeous , the people so friendly and accommodating .. The best part is that it is not overbuilt and too commercial.. Lots of stuff to do from zip lining to horseback riding to eating fresh fish right on the beach.. Their beer was pretty good too!
Miami! Stay at Eden Roc. I know its where the Kardashians were filmed but hubby and I went a couple of years ago and it is amazing. You literally wake up in bed and look through a clear glass sliding door through the glass balcony onto the water. There is a beach side waiter who is constantly refilling your drinks and bringing you quesidillas and nachos. When hubby and I went we had just gotten off a cruise ship and said no more cruises resorts all the way. Headed back in June. If Miami is too far try Hilton Head Island, SC. As a born and bred Carolina girl I promise there is not better place.
Last year Jeff and I went to Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic. It was all inclusive and less than $700 each for the entire week. It was relaxing, boozy and fun.
http://therearetwosides.com/2012/06/wednesdays-random-thoughts-on-a-thursday.html
Dominican Republic!!! Punta Cana is amazing.
My mom moved to Vieques, Puerto Rico last year and loves it. I’m not sure if there are any all inclusive resorts there, but i’m sure there are some on the main island Puerto Rico. I’ve not actually been there because the mere idea of taking my three kids on a plane and through the airport for at least 2 layovers makes me have a panic attack. But she is always posting pretty pictures and hasn’t come back even to visit so it must be nice. They have the bioluminescent bay which looks so cool, but you might have to get near the water to see it. biobaypuertorico.com
Here’s what I know about Sandals – crazy expensive but worth it, depending on where you go:
Sandals Montego Bay, Jamaica: very tiny resort, so close to the airport that planes are taking off & landing over your head all damn day & night which the staff tries to make suck less by convincing you to WAVE at each plane (because we’re 5 years old & think they can see us? I don’t know), good food, great staff, property could use some upkeep, lots of harassment from locals trespassing to sell their wares (and I don’t just mean weed).
Sandals Royal Bahamian: Run down, smelly, bad food, cool private island, definitely the worst I’ve been to. It was several years ago & I’m still annoyed that I went there. Total suckfest.
Sandals Whitehouse, Jamaica: Un-effing-believably gorgeous property, great staff, great food, fun atmosphere, long ass ride from the airport but you stop at a bar halfway there so it ain’t all bad. I’ve been there 3 times, definitely my favorite in Jamaica.
Sandals Grand St. Lucian: Terrifying, long-ass commute from the airport (Xanax is NOT optional), gorgeous island, warm water, beautiful property, the meanest staff of anyplace I’ve EVER been in my life, great food.
Beaches Turks & Caicos: Sandals family friendly option. I wouldn’t go back because I don’t have kids & generally find them to be loud & sticky BUT I would totally stay at another adults-only all-inclusive in Turks & Caicos because it is PERFECT there. Low crime (very non-stabby to tourists), unbelievable weather (low humidity kept me from looking like the Lion King), crystal clear water & white beaches, great food, and since George Clooney & other glamorous types dig those islands you KNOW it doesn’t suck. Please find someplace to go there – do it for me. I divorced the asshole who could afford these great trips & will likely never see this (or anyplace like it) again in my lifetime. I’d consider it a personal favor. Kthxbye!!
Grand Caymen! I’m scared to death of all fish (like hyperventilate/pass out/real phobia) afraid and I LOVE IT THERE. The water is beautiful AND…..AND… you can see ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM. It’s crystal clear. So if something’s coming at you, you have time to get the fuck outta the way, etc. LOVE IT! My husband loves to snorkel there as well. We prefer the british caymens to the american ones. The Brit side seems way cleaner/pretty, etc.
Can’t recommend it enough.
We went to Puerto Vallarta last fall and it was amazing. We stayed at an all-inclusive resort (Barcelo) and totally took advantage of the unlimited booze and food. The resort was gorgeous, located right on the beach with multiple pools and hot tubs, spa, etc. Apparently PV is surprisingly safe, especially if you spend most of your time at the resort (we went and explored the town one day and the zoo on another). The best part was the price – I found a deal on cheaptickets.com for a full week at the all-inclusive resort, round trip air fare, shuttle service to/from the airport, and a zip lining tour for about $900 each. It was one of the most luxurious and budget-friendly vacations we’ve had, which I did not think was possible!
Costa Rica…Playa Tamarindo & Mal Pais…not into all-inclusives…I view them the same way that I do cruises. I like to explore & really see the countries that I’m going to. The news would have you believe that any place you go outside the country there are people lurking around every corner just waiting to kill Americans. Not true. There are beautiful places, people, & experiences every where you go. Happy planning!
I’ve traveled a lot. A lot. Go to Costa Rica – Guancaste region where there are some AI resorts. So safe. So pretty. And not as over-done as Punta Cana, Jamaica, Mexico, etc. People are friendly, you can walk outside of your resort and actually explore unlike Jamaica/Mexico/Punta Cana. The prices via places like Apple are just a tad bit more expensive then the Cancun AI vacays. The region is what Cancun was like years ago. Still kinda unspoiled. Monkeys everywhere! Best food. Gah. I need a vacay too – I could write about it forever. Email me if you want deets.
If you are forking over money, toss in one hundred more for a really cool authentic-ish tropical vacay.