Confession: By the time the Real Housewives of New York 2 part reunion specials rolled around, I was over it and didn’t even watch.  I mean, aside from fighting over I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT, what would they rehash?  Product lines?  Album sales?  How much weight Simon has gained and how ridiculous he looks with that Caesar haircut?  Pass.

But, I’ve always had a soft spot for New Jersey.

I didn’t know what to expect during part 1 of last night’s RHONJ Reunion, but I sure as hell didn’t expect to feel as uncomfortable as I did.

I could be getting a pap smear in the middle of our annual Corn Festival Parade by a goat wearing rubber gloves and felt less unsettled.

Now, I used to be a Teresa fan, but like everyone else, I grew tired of her crazy shit mid-season, but seriously, how much would it have sucked to be her last night?

The entire one hour reunion show was a blow by blow attack on Teresa, and very little of it dealt with things that actually happened during filming, but rather, intimate lawsuit questions and back alley family issues that came out during  non-stop jabs.

The only clip they actually showed was the still mind boggling baptism of Joe and Melissa’s son, and then a Christmas montage of Melissa getting a rolex and Teresa getting gloves.

While I understand that the only other major non-Teresa shit to go down this season was with Jacqueline’s spoiled-ass daughter Ashley, and Jacqaueline wasn’t there to go into deatails, but really?

It reminded me of when I was in 7th grade, and I was home puking my guts out with the stomach flu, and between running to the toilet, my 3 best friends called me together to tell me I was a fat skank and that they never wanted to see me again.  I switched schools for 2 months because I couldn’t take the bullying.

I am not saying Teresa isn’t insane and deserved to be called out for being an asshole, but that was a little much.

I’m not a member of their family, and I can only piece together what I see on the show and read on their blogs, but I think, in the beginning, everything Teresa was saying about Melissa and Kathy was true.  I think Melissa was a shit stirrer and Kathy sided with her, and they snuck onto this show to be famous.  But somewhere, between the endless financial and court stress, on top of having the two people you hate the most now on your television show, and your husband turning into a fat, lazy felon (seriously, was there a single shot of Joe Giudice upright and not shirtless in bed at all hours of the day?), Teresa felt cornered and desperate, and ditched the calm and cool high road for total insecure insanity.

And just like that, Melissa went from looking like a divisive, spoiled villain, to a saint.

An entire hour of them putting Teresa on the spot to explain her catty behavior, every so often, the now irrelevant Caroline Manzo chiming in with her Marlon Brando-esque sound bytes.

I have no idea what next Sunday’s conclusion will entail, but I imagine it will include Teresa entering stage left, schlepping a giant wooden cross on her back while everyone tells Melissa how pretty her singing voice is.

Image courtesy Bravo

 

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