Yesterday I received this email:
Good day to you,
I am David Beckham the England international footballer, I am contacting you to represent my charity home in your city so we can spread love to the Orphans, Widows and the less privilege. I have deposited Twelve Million Great Britain Pounds in the Barclay’s Bank London which will be transfer to you to carry out this charity work, you are to keep 50% of the amount for your personal use and the other for the charity work. You are the contact my legal counsel Barrister Lisa Lambert Esq. with the below information for details on how the funds will be transfer to you.
Barrister Lisa Lambert Esq.
email: [email protected]
Tell: +44 704 576 2915Please make sure you contact my legal counsel as i have instructed so the funds can be transfer to you to enable you do this charity work.
Thanks for your cooperation and my the good Lord bless you as you assist the needy.
David Beckham.
Which obviously means the following.
First, Becks secretly loves the chubby girls.
Two, I’m probably going to hang out with Madonna soon.
Third, somebody’s going to tell me how much that equals in American money because I’d like to buy a baby platypus. I saw one on Pinterest, it was adorable. That or I’d like to adopt Selena Gomez.
I totally thought I was going to lick the TV screen at Frickers when his commercial came on during the Super Bowl. I bet that totally would have impressed my in-laws.
I get the same emails but NOT from Beckham rather from Mr. Tan Wong…it is so obvious that Beckham wants you!
I feel bad because he’s married, but it’s obvious after that 4th kid, Posh just let her body go, soooo….
As of this morning, 12 million Sterling is worth just a shade under $19 million USD. According to Beckham’s note, you are to keep half, so you have around (hang on, lemme take me shoes and socks off….carry the one….) $9.5 million for your platypus / Selena Gomez needs.
I should point out that I find Mr. Beckham’s use of the English language atrocious. It’s almost like he’s part Nigerian or something.
Maybe this is what cockney is?
Also, he was probably dribbling a soccer ball while he wrote this, so I mean, we can’t expect perfect grammar.
This is amazing. Thank you for cheering up my sick self.
It’s so weird that the British are so bad at English.
Right? It’s like Henry Ford being a shitty driver.
Ha! Just brilliant. I live in London. Do you want me to give “Lisa” a ring and see who answers? Shall I put on a really bad American accent?
Please do, and if she’s not buying it, use the term “freedom fries,” totally sells it.
I called it, it took a while to connected and then had a funny ringing tone, then it cut off. Damn it! I was looking forward to an amusing conversation this afternoon!
I think I would rather have Selena Gomez adopt me. She has way more money that I do. Plus I took my daughter to her concert in Houston last year and she brought her dad on stage, sang him Happy Birthday, and gave him a cake. That’s my kind of kid.
PS My daughter’s friend looked at me and said, “that’s not gonna be enough cake for everyone.”
Forget Selena Gomez, I want to adopt your daughter’s friend. That is my kind of kid.
That blows….I only ever get that email from Princes of obscure Namibian countries. If you do get Becks and replace the way-too-skinny Victoria, can I have a few of her Birkins when you’re packing her crap up to make room for yours? Pretty please???
You know the lawyer’s legit when she has a yahoo e-mail addy.
Is that how you tell, because my lawyer has an AOL address?
[email protected]
You aren’t chubby, so I’m calling dibs on Becks.
Also, I’m so grateful my dad’s mom doesn’t have the internet. Because she would SO email with her bank info, ssn, and anything else. She also sent her monthly social security to Tammy Faye Bakker’s church back in the day.
12 million pound is definately enough to adopt Selena!!!
Wait…… Does the Beib come with Selena??t? It seems y always wanted 3 girls!!! The princess parties would be so.much.fun!!!!