What’d ya do at school today?
Nothing.
Obviously. I mean, that’s why we pay for private school, for the rigorous curriculum of nothin’, stuff, and I don’t know.
But, if I’m really quiet and pretend I’m not even paying attention to them, the drive home from school pick-up becomes a treasure trove of one liners fit for the likes of almost anyone who has ever ingested mushrooms, ever.
“Did you just fart?
I have no idea Wyatt, you can’t smell your own farts, only other people’s.”“Jude! Jude! Look at this!
Hold on, I’m sending a tweet.
What is that?
It’s birds who write stuff with their beaks.”“I love this song, I sing it when I poop.” (for the record, it’s Firework by Katy Perry. And he does sing it. Every time.)
“Why is Earth round? That’s like the worst shape ever of all the shapes they could have chosen.”
“Why do I have to keep going to school if I’m just going to be Captain America?
Because, Jude, Captain America uses math for saving stuff and getting ladies.”“Sometimes I wish we were geese. They just really seem to have it all together.”
It’s like Cheech & Chong go to school.
But geese are mean bastards.
I totally want to punch my kids in the face when they say the did nothing. I made it a rule you couldn’t do jack shit until they told me stuff they learned, because I didn’t want to go to jail for child abuse! Love your kids’ car convo!
Same. It’s like, I WILL THROW YOU OUT OF THIS MOVING CAR IF YOU SAY YOU DID NOTHING ONE MORE FUCKING TIME.
I try the “tell me one good thing you did today” line. It usually gets a better answer than “nothing” from my 9 year old niece. My 3 year old son still likes to tell me what he did. The geese line is fantastic!
When my kids were really young, like yours are, they were really bad at answering the what did you do at school today question too. I tried to ask what was your favorite thing that happened today or what was the funniest thing that happened or what was the worst thing that happened and that tended to get more answers from my kiddos.
Your kids rule.
You’re lucky, our drive home after school goes like this…
“S-T-O..”
“Stop. S-T-O-P spells stop.”
“Ellis stop… it’s my sign”
“S-T-O-P, you told me to stop”
“Stop-it… mooooommmmaaaaay, Ellis keeps saying stop!”
“She said it first.”
“No I didn’t.”
“You did. Mom, Sydney just hit me…”
“Waaaaahhhhhhhh”
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh”
“Moooom”
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh”
“Ouch – stop it… waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh”
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh”
“I’m hungry”
My head wants to pop just typing this out… I think 8:30 am is an appropriate time for a drink.
fireworks is a good song to poop to though
High-larious!!!! Ive also done this – just sit back – shut mouth – open ears and listen… Kids have the best one liners ever!!!!!
Im not a mama but i was a Nanny for a few years to one family and i was definately sick of getting the “nothing” response so id be like “SO YOU DID NOTHING? YOU JUST SAT THERE N STARED AT THE WALL ALL DAY? OK THEN LETS DO THAT BOW SHALL WE” they soon realised “nothing” wouldnt get them very far with me haha
Geese are some chill motherf*ckers, if you think about it.
Obviously, you’ve never been hunted down and goosed by a goose while trying to unload groceries out of your mom’s minivan.
Those apples didn’t fall far from the Tree of Awesome! Excuse me, I’m off to poop and sing “Firework” now!
Love the geese comment.
I usually ask mine “what was your favorite part of school today?” From my Preschooler it’s always “I played with the red ball!” From my now 3rd grader I usually get “I don’t know, I forgot.” Grrr. You would think that these children should be prepared to give an answer given that I ask every day!!! BTW, the conversations are a lot like Angels. If one looks at the other wrong, it’s on!!
It doesn’t change as they get older. I think I have held on to my poor OLD Suburban because I secretly love to be the chaperone mom. Recently, I took 6 teenage, non-driving boys to see The Campaign. I wasn’t allowed to sit with them in the theater, obviously that’s uncool, but I got to hear their movie reviews and unrelated ramblings in the car on the way home. That was priceless.
Clearly our children are soulmates.
How’d you get off with your kid singing to himself? My kid expected me to go in and sing to him….like I really want to fill my lungs with his stinky poop fumes while jamming out to Barney tunes in the can.
I want to know what shape they would prefer for Earth.
I know all kids do this, but it drives me crazy to know that kids report learning “nothing” in school all day. As a teacher, I can attest that they DID, in fact, learn MANY things!
So, my baby sister totally taught me this “did anyone throw up today??”. There is ALWAYS an answer. Yep.. She rocks,
God, I love your kids.
Love your kids, love you, love your blog.
That being said, please, please don’t take this the wrong way. I am not trying to criticize you at all, promise. From everything I have seen and read, you seem like a kick-ass mom in every way. In no way am I trying to be a know it all, and I hate giving unsolicited advice, but I have to say something here: Please adjust your kiddos’ carseat straps and chest clips. I’m only asking because I have experienced a very awful outcome of a carseat that wasnt used properly. (I’ll spare you the details, just trust me on this one.) The straps will not work like they are supposed to if they are loose or twisted like in this picture. Also, the chest clip needs to be up higher (lined up with the armpits) or it could allow your kids to be ejected from their seats in a severe collision. I know, most likely and hopefully it will never, ever happen to you, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Again, I am sorry to be lame and write this comment on your funny post. I hate mommy wars and when we argue over stupid crap like when baby must be done with the binky, etc. but I think with carseat safety we have to help each other out to keep our kids as safe as possible. I have re-written this a million times, trying to put it as gently as possible and to try not to sound like an ass, so I really hope I don’t.
Again, you rock and I adore everything you write! Your littles are so lucky to have a mom like you!
I think you stated it very well. I’m very passionate about proper restraints as well.
Thanks, Katie! :)
No, You wrote this very kindly and respectfully, and I whole heartedly agree with you. I am that one parent who’s kid are STILL in a 5 point harness in first grade and kindergarten (CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SHAME I BESTOW UPON THEM!? ;)
I am usually super vigilant about such things, and I can also tell you, when I snapped this photo, they have just gotten in and situated, which is why I was able to turn around to take a pic, we were sitting in the parking lot:)
But YES< thanks for pointing this out, it's absolutely amazing and needed advice and reminders for all us mommies and kid transporters....which is what I feel like most days. Thanks:)
Yay I’m so glad I didn’t piss off my favorite writer/model!! ;)
And good for you for keeping them in 5 point harnesses for so long!!
xoxo
your car seat straps are twisted, too loose, and the chest clip is in the wrong place.
I love this! So funny. Kids are like mini-drunkards half the time :)
I’ve started making my kids tell me one good thing that happened to them during the day and one good thing that happened to someone else during the day. That way I learn about what they think is really cool (even if it was just pizza for lunch) and about one of their friends.
Also? Cady is WAY more open about what goes on in her day than James is. I’m thinking it is some kind of weird boy/girl thing.