This time of year, it’s always super easy to get into the holiday spirit. The spirit of giving. The spirit of love. The spirit of kindness.
We take all those amazing emotions and actions, and plaster them across mankind in a selfless act of compassion and humanity, and it’s wonderful. Truly, it’s what Upworthy videos are made of.
Fa LA LA LA LAAAAA, LA LA LA LAAAAAA.
It’s important for us to do for others this time of year, because doing for ourselves is selfish, right?
There is something to be said about the level of kindness we extend to others, but don’t afford ourselves. In short, it’s fucked up.
A few weeks ago I stood in the dressing room of a bridal salon as a size 8 bridesmaid’s dress was being rigged to my bra strap and underwear with those giant chip-clips, explaining to the saleswoman all the reasons the pale yellow gown didn’t fit.
I lamented about my lumps and bumps and rolls. Dissected my back fat. I made excuses for what I had eaten that day. I even asked her to dim the lights, and while staring head on in the floor length mirror, considered dropping out of the wedding. Twice.
To be fair, it was a mermaid style halter dress, and my body is not made for such things. But more importantly, I said all those bad things about myself to a stranger. Not a friend or confidant, I straight up tore my body to bits in front of a lady who knew nothing about me except my name and that I wasn’t a size 8. I was doing confident womanhood wrong.
The reality is, in the deepest part of my soul, that I am always two more stretchmarks or a broken bra hook away from potentially hating on myself. I have to make a conscious decision every day in the mirror to show myself kindness. It’s way too easy to default to the negative, because that’s the vocabulary and narrative I have been armed with.
Think of it as a game of Password, but the answer was always “fat.”
I didn’t have the language for my beauty, I had to learn it. And then, I had to give myself permission to use it, like, in public.
(They should totally teach this in school, by the way. It’s so basic, and way easier to grasp than “new math.”)
So this season, when you are busy showing compassion and respect and kindness to those around you, I want to ask you to not forget yourself. In fact, I demand it.
And to further drive this concept home, I’m going to bribe you.
Every Christmas I do a giveaway featuring one of my favorite things, and I’ve decided to add an extra catch. This year I want you to leave me a comment about how you plan to show yourself kindness, starting now. And in return for that, you will have a chance to win a curated box full of all my favorite things.
Deer Head Sweatshirt, size XXL… if you follow me on instagram, you already know I am all about this rad shirt.
Remington Curling Wand… the star of my mermaid hair tutorial.
The Wet Brush… aka my thank you Jesus brush.
The Ryan Gosling Hey Girl Journal… for all your deep thoughts and shit.
The complete season of My So Called Life… because we all still have feelings about this, and we need to work them out together.
Strawberry Australian Liccorice… it’s the best thing on earth.
And so much more!
UPDATE: NiceShirt.Org has also generously agreed to giveaway TWO ultra fabulous Be Kind to Yourself shirts to TWO lucky winners!
(Can’t wait? Click here to snag one for yourself now and help a great cause!)
You can leave as many comments as you like. This giveaway runs through Sunday only, ending November 17th at 11:59pm EST. One (1) winner will be randomly selected for the curated box, and two (2) winners will be selected to win a Be Kind t-shirt. The prizes will be shipped upon confirmation of winning. You must reply to me within 24 hours via email confirmation, or a new winner will be drawn. This giveaway is open to residents of US and Canada only.
I will tell my self that every curve is beautiful, that teeth don’t have to be perfectly straight to be cute,that my hair is perfect the way it is, that I’m gorgeous without makeup, that the extra handful of popcorn won’t kill me, and that I deserve to love myself a little extra everyday (with some wine and cheese).
OMGosh! The mermaid hair tool! I’ve been wanting…. I actually have it saved on my phone for when my family starts hitting me up for gift ideas. Hoping I had been good enough for Santa to bring me one. And good gravy, I’m a grown up and should be able to just go buy a curling iron. I know. We’re on a no frills budget and almost done saving up the down payment for a house. Worth it. But can’t wait to go for mermaid curls!
1. I plan to be kind to myself by indulging into the things I love to do. I want to paint my nails, bake cookies, knit blankets, call my family, kiss my boyfriend, and snuggle with cats. It’s easy to lose confidence when you focus too much on the outside world. Always a good idea to centre in on the stuff that makes you happy, it tells you a good deal about who you really are.
2. Those giveaways look amazing! I’m sad I missed the deadline, but hopefully one of your lucky readers will enjoy them thoroughly!
The Norm:
Fat Chic + negative body image + social events where food is served = Stress + Anxiety + Sadness + a declined invitation or early departure
This Year:
I’m going to be kind to myself by going to my company’s holiday party and enjoying the dinner buffet without being anxious and paranoid that my colleagues are secretly talking about what the Fat Chic is eating and how much. I’ve worked at this company for almost 20 years so this will be a first. Hell, I might even have dessert. :)
By letting it go. And breathing. I tend to stress way to much about making everyone else happy. Spending too much money buying gifts that aren’t really needed. This time, I’m letting all that go – my body needs me to take time for me. I need to be fair to myself and give myself the gift of time. The gift of appreciation for who I am today. Not who I want to be if I just loose another 50 lbs. Or if I got laser eye surgery. Or my teeth straightened & whitened. I am who I am today. And that has to be ok.
[…] The Season of Kindness…to Yourself from Brittany Herself. I’m in. Are […]
I plan on being kind to myself by doing what I do and not worrying about what I don’t. It’s the don’t that usually make me spin.
I promise to TRY and not suck in my gut while doing the deed with my wonderful husband. He doesn’t even notice and I get distracted!
Wish me luck!
I have decided to just accept that my feet have grown a full size since having my son and quit lamenting it or jamming my feet into shoes that hurt. Shoe shopping used to be my favorite and they always fit and look good :) I want that freedom back. Who cares what size the shoes are.
I plan on not rolling my eyes and looking sorry for the person who pays me a compliment. I am terriable with anyone who says anything positive to me – mostly due to the idea they just feel bad for me for one reason or another. I’ll just smile and say thanks – pretty basic exchange of words but it’s truly very hard for me.
This year I’m going to enjoy the party and not hide in the kitchen being “busy” because I’m avoiding the judgment of people of how much weight I gained since last year. I will own it.
I will find things to love EVERY time I look in them irror
A. I love you.
B. I DO wear a size 8, and I have stood in the bridal salon and wanted to ball myself up in the corner of the (all-mirrored ceiling to floor-WTF?) dressing room and cry while eating fudge.
C. My kindness to myself has to take the form of forgiving myself for past mistakes and not constantly beating myself up.
I plan on letting my partner know exactly how to make me orgasm every.single.time without fear of hurting anyone’s feelings. Dear Goddess, I hope he starts doing some stretching and power lifting. This mamma is about to pounce, unapologetically.
You go Girl! Totally made me snort out loud reading that!
I will be unapologetic for taking time for myself over others. I will feel amazing (rather than guilty) for spending a day doing nothing.
My husband and I are new foster parents to a 3 year old. And this holiday season, which we are planning on giving this kid the very best Christmas she’s ever, ever had, I plan on also making it the best Christmas WE have ever had. I’m not going to be afraid to ask for childcare from my parents and in-laws so that we can be completely selfish for a hot minute. Even if we just drop her off for an overnight and go straight home, get naked and not leave the house for 36 hours.
This holiday season, I am going to be as nice to myself as I am to everyone else. I am going to love my size 12 hips in that sequined skirt. I will sashay them all over town and I will not question that they are nothing short of fabulous. Thanks for the reminder.
I asked Santa for that deer sweatshirt at Old Navy. Adore.
To be kind to myself – I want to shop at places I have gift cards for instead of running to every single store ever to buy specific items. I am going to make a macaroni and cheese dish for my family’s dinner instead of a veggie dish. And I am going to wear yoga pants to at least 1 family event.
I will not feel the need publicly crack a joke for every sweet holiday treat that passes my lips. In fact, I’m not stepping on the scale again til the end of January.
Oh friend!! This made me tear up.
It is oh so true. It’s so easy to do for every other person, including perfect strangers than to do for myself.
On the way home from swim practice tonight, my 8 year old asked me what “generous” means. As I tried my best to explain, I ended up giving him an example. At that very swim class as I watched him do his best flip turn for the first time, I was sitting on jam packed bleachers attempting to do my own homework (online college y’all!) and a mother approached with her 2 young daughters. They scanned for a place to sit but resigned to stand by the bleachers. This mommy had a 3 year old and a 5 year old and she deserved to sit down. So I got up and offered her my spot. She was so appreciative and twice exclaimed how “nice” it was. It was so not “that” nice – but I stood there watching my son swim for the next 15 mins red faced and sweating, because the indoor aquatic center is humid-ville.
Nonetheless I told him how that is generous, because it is thinking of others instead of yourself.
I wish I could fight for me like I do for that virtue of kindness.
So here’s to hoping I can stop the “self-sabotage” and self hate. And to catching one of your giveaways before the deadline! :)
I plan to drink awesome cold weather ales, to sleep late, to indulge my hobbies, to buy and read at least one fantastic fiction book, to learn a tiny bit about knitting, to cook and eat pie, to go for walks, and to not do PhD work for days on end. DAYS, I TELL YOU.
You are right! We need to be kinder to ourselves.
I find I avoid pictures during holiday get togethers because I think I’m too fat.
Last year a man I worked with always called be Curvy Christina or Curvy C. So this year I will not think I’m too fat but Curvy and beautiful. I’ll make sure I’m in photos for family and friends. They love me as is and I want special holiday momories too!!
Thank you for the reminder that thinking if ourselves is not a selfish act instead it’s an actof kindness . :)
I agree with Christina; these are the moments of our life that we want to remember and share. Why hide from the camera because we think we aren’t pretty enough, or deserving enough to have our pictures taken?? We need to get over our body hangups, enjoy life and preserve those memeries!!
I say have those cookies, or cake or whatever you feel you shouldn’t be eating, and enjoy being alive surrounded by the people you love.
Having just given birth to my second child 12 weeks ago it is very easy for me to dwell on my current shape and size. I have promised myself that I will make a concerted effort to be kinder to myself and focus on the positive. Most importantly, I will remember that my self-worth is not contingent on what a scale says (201) or what pant size I wear (16-18). I am so much more than my body and physical appearance; I am funny, smart, hard-working, compassionate and so many other really fabulous qualities. Let’s be honest though, we do live in a world with mirrors and that can’t be avoided. So, every time a negative thought about my body creeps in I’m going to trump it with a positive one. My body, as flabby and stretched out as it may be has endured two high-risk pregnancies and brought two amazing little boys into this world and for that I wouldn’t trade with bod s with anyone.
I just have to say that those strawberry licorice are seriously the best EVER. I have some siting here at my desk beside me.
I will be kind to myself by letting some things go. I tend to be critical of my husband, my kids, and myself because I want everything to be just so. Well so what?! We will spend more nights as a family on the couch and less nights running to lessons and folding laundry and picking up rooms. I need more cuddle time before they are too old to cuddle and they are on the verge now. So screw the house, I’m curling up with my kids.
I’m going to be ok with not getting it all done. And try to focus on enjoying the time with my family as opposed to all the things that “need” to be done (but not really)
I am going to show kindness to myself by actually buying clothes that fit me and not trying to squeeze into clothes that don’t, which end up making me look bigger. I will also let myself indulge a little… But not enough that it will make me hate myself later. I’m going to enjoy this Christmas season no matter what my size is! I’m going to drink hot chocolate with marshmallows, decorate my tree how I want, and cozy up on the couch in the quilt while I bask in it’s ambiance! :)