The hardest part of this whole liking my body thing was learning how to dress it. I spent way too many years hating clothes and fashion to all of a sudden enjoy it, so getting to that place took a couple of steps. 1. I very realistically float between a size 12 and a size [...]
Two things bug me: smug people and the fact that Diane Keaton insists on wearing gloves to award shows in the middle of summer.
Pregnant people are stalking me. It's like they can smell that I am done reproducing, so they waddle up to me all glowy and adorable and rub their gestation in my face. I just want a beautiful little baby growing in my belly again. Andy told me to get a tape worm. Andy's an asshole. [...]
Ya know what, Target guy, I know I look like a crazy person pushing a cart of screaming boys, wearing a black turtleneck sweater, red booty shorts with "HO HO HO" on the butt, and black boots with knee high Hello Kitty socks, but listen to me, look into my eyes, if you don't go [...]