Bags of Goodies. Not Vomit. Maybe.

By |2017-06-14T15:41:13-04:00December 16th, 2011|Parenting|

Ever thrown up in car line before? Let me paint the picture for you. You take your kid to school in the morning, perfectly healthy, heck, you even look a little cute.  I don't know why, the rats in your hair are laying just right, perhaps?  Or maybe the zit you've been putting toothpaste on [...]

The eye roll.

By |2017-06-14T15:41:39-04:00December 13th, 2011|Parenting|

Jude started rolling his eyes at me. Not the cutesy, roll your eyes on command OMG LET'S TAKE A PICTURE BECAUSE THAT WAS ADORABLE, YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR OWN DISNEY SHOW thing. Like, the real kind, where I say something and his response is an eye roll and some long winded exhale, leaving me standing [...]

A Tale of Seduction.

By |2017-06-14T16:34:14-04:00January 13th, 2011|Marriage, Parenting, Sex|

She came in from the deck, her fingertips frozen and black from delicately picking the melted plastic scraper brush from the grate and lighting the grill.  Her hair was wet from the newly fallen snow, as she slipped out of her icey bottomed imitation Uggs. He noticed her from across the kitchen, readjusting the drawstrings [...]

Parenthood in Actuality

By |2017-06-14T16:25:20-04:00October 20th, 2010|Parenting|

Will they call him stupid? Dumb? Fat? Will she get hit on the playground? Will they call him a fag in the locker room? Will they harass her? Call her a slut or a whore? Will I be a grandma in ten years? Will she let others determine her worth? Will he determine the worth [...]

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Father’s Day 4: It just keeps getting better.

By |2017-06-14T15:21:51-04:00June 18th, 2010|Parenting|

I never know what to get Andy for Father's Day. His first father's day, I got him a bunch of framed pictures of Jude for his desk, and a set of expensive lobster shell cracker things. Andy: I love these pictures.  What is this metal thing?  A tuning fork? me:  A tuning fork?  No, it's [...]

About Wyatt.

By |2017-06-14T15:22:45-04:00April 13th, 2010|Parenting|

It's almost 3am, and I am on a futon. Six years ago, this would have been a much different scene.  One with white eyeshadow, OAR and probably vomit.  Or, at the very least, some dry heaving. These days, Andy and I find ourselves on the futon for very different reasons. Mostly monsters. Sometimes ghosts. We [...]

Rhymes with bahsectomy.

By |2017-06-14T16:35:28-04:00July 13th, 2009|Marriage, Parenting|

I am confused about the stigma men have concerning vasectomies. I mean, I get that any instance in which their junk is manhandled in a non sexual context is unpleasant, but, I get my junk handled all the time, sometimes by doctors, sometimes by clumsy medical students, sometimes by nosey dogs on the street. Am [...]

Afterbirth

By |2017-06-14T16:03:12-04:00June 11th, 2009|Marriage, Parenting|

So, six weeks ago, this little piece of girly yumminess popped out of me. Ok, not so much popped, as exploded out, leaving in her wake, total and utter vaginal destruction. But I'd hate for the horrific reality to overshadow her cuteness. Regardless of the gory details, she's here. And for six weeks, we have [...]