Things that are round.

By |2017-06-14T14:00:56-04:00July 26th, 2011|Parenting|

I haven't been able to shake my crappy mood lately. This Saturday I stood in front of a plastic card table, next a chubby old clown with blue frizzy hair, glitter on her cheeks, and bright pink lipstick on her teeth. On second thought, maybe she wasn't a clown, but rather, a disoriented old lady [...]

The Rib of Man.

By |2017-06-14T16:26:50-04:00July 14th, 2011|Marriage|

This might be somewhat controversial, but as an amateur part-time scientist, it's my job to, like, hypothesize and think about stuff that the average person may not think of because they're too distracted by things like "debt ceilings" and "Google Plus." Every week my church sends out a newsletter, basically going over what was covered [...]

The Marriage Sermon.

By |2017-06-14T15:16:00-04:00June 24th, 2011|Marriage, Sex|

In order to get married in the Catholic church, you have to complete pre-marital counseling.  I think that's pretty typical as far as religions go, this sort of antiquated attempt to prepare couples for the commitment, importance, and work involved in maintaining a successful marriage. Or as Catholics call it, this is how making babies [...]

Bedroom Conversations.

By |2017-06-14T15:43:47-04:00June 8th, 2011|Marriage, Sex|

Uncomfortable conversations are my specialty. If there was a job that entailed sitting around all day, having uncomfortable conversations with people, I'd be the fucking CEO. Not, like, you've got six months to live conversations. But, the hey, you started your period on my couch conversations.  The I think I accidentally hit a opossum, or [...]

Our Deepest Sympathies.

By |2017-06-14T15:44:18-04:00April 12th, 2011|Growing Up, My Life|

Yesterday I came home from the store to find a deflated mylar balloon in the tree next to my driveway. I pulled it out, because after our recent raccoon uprising, I feel the need to restore balance and look like I am attempting to keep animals alive and healthy. Plus, I accidentally hit a goose [...]

I don’t remember the part of our vows where I was the one nominated to be in charge of keeping everyone alive.

By |2017-06-14T15:45:12-04:00March 22nd, 2011|Marriage, Mental Health, Travel|

Why are we all in the shower with you, mom? I was just asking myself that same question, Wyatt. Who decided I am allowed to be left alone for a week with three children? Someone drunk, apparently. Last night it stormed.  Super loudly.  It was the Donald Trump of storms. I was all, seriously, storm, [...]

The Itch.

By |2017-06-14T16:10:31-04:00March 4th, 2011|Marriage|

There is a room in our house that overlooks our pond. It has floor to ceiling windows on each wall, and is, by far, my most favorite room. It's mostly empty, save for an old leather couch, chair and ottoman set I bought at a flea market. It's a kid free zone, what with it's [...]

The Gallbladder Theory.

By |2017-06-14T15:45:43-04:00February 15th, 2011|My Life|

Whoever said your gallbladder didn't do anything important was a liar. Not only does it keep you from instantly shitting yourself the second you ingest anything fried, fatty or spicy, but, I have come to the conclusion that it is also in charge of your immune system. As in, I am four seconds from living [...]

Avalanche

By |2017-06-14T16:33:02-04:00February 10th, 2011|Marriage|

Last Saturday, as part two of a blizzard came through Ohio, I dropped my mom off at her house after lunch and some shopping, I reversed a little too far, and got stuck. Why do you think you can just plow through everything with your car? I have 4wd. Yeah, but the snow is three [...]

Confession.

By |2017-06-14T16:27:09-04:00January 28th, 2011|My Life|

In light of this week's State of the Union Address, I thought I should maybe just come out and share something with you. I'm...apolitical. Kinda like being asexual, only way easier, because it doesn't require me to know how to tie a man's necktie. Socially, I am what you might call, liberal, and that takes [...]