humor

/Tag: humor

Into 2013, With Love.

By |2017-06-14T13:47:45-04:00January 4th, 2013|Body, Have Boobs Will Travel, My Life|

A new year. Time for me to be all profound and manafesto-y. Maybe fire off  a quote or limerick or something. While 2012 can be summed up in the words of Tommy Boy, "Ow, that's gonna leave a mark," 2013 is blowing up Monty Python style, 'Tis but a scratch." I spent last year both [...]

Dakota Fanning Mattress.

By |2012-09-17T11:42:36-04:00September 17th, 2012|Marriage, Musings, Parenting|

We got a new mattress, and it's basically the most exciting thing that has ever happened in our seven year marriage. We aren't even having sex in it because we have this crazy new mattress narcolepsy every time we lay on it. The first night we had it I woke up at 3am fully clothed, [...]

The Family Closet

By |2017-06-14T13:49:14-04:00June 19th, 2012|DIY, Home, Parenting|

This weekend I have been coping with weird feelings. Nesting feelings, if you will. Without the whole fetus mess, obviously. I can make that statement confidentially because I bought one of those at-home doppler things my last pregnancy, and I use it occasionally when I think I have a tapeworm. Last Friday I had a [...]

10 Random Days of Amuse Bouche.

By |2012-02-08T12:35:22-04:00February 8th, 2012|Mental Health, Recipes|

I am working on a post about my weight, and it's shockingly difficult. Plus, I am hungry and craving day old birthday cake; I hate that we had all our kids in stupid April. But, I have been having bursts of brain activity in my own, personal built in tumblr site, Amuse Bouche, so I [...]

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I invent things.

By |2017-06-14T13:54:53-04:00January 10th, 2012|I Draw Horses, Womanhood|

Andy cannot stand my face these days. I honestly can't blame him, I've been positively miserable to live with. I've been all yell-y and angst-y and irritable. I'm not really sleeping, I feel like one eyebrow is more arched than the other, and I have this weird mole on my arm that I can't get [...]

Taped in front of a live studio audience.

By |2017-06-14T16:31:40-04:00January 6th, 2012|Marriage|

So yes, Andy bogarted my Christmas gift and got testosterone furniture. And no, it's not returnable, it's a floor model. But, the other half of our Christmas plan was for him to get a new television.  Which he still got. It's 60 inches, which to me, sounds like way too many inches for a television. [...]

Bags of Goodies. Not Vomit. Maybe.

By |2017-06-14T15:41:13-04:00December 16th, 2011|Parenting|

Ever thrown up in car line before? Let me paint the picture for you. You take your kid to school in the morning, perfectly healthy, heck, you even look a little cute.  I don't know why, the rats in your hair are laying just right, perhaps?  Or maybe the zit you've been putting toothpaste on [...]

The eye roll.

By |2017-06-14T15:41:39-04:00December 13th, 2011|Parenting|

Jude started rolling his eyes at me. Not the cutesy, roll your eyes on command OMG LET'S TAKE A PICTURE BECAUSE THAT WAS ADORABLE, YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR OWN DISNEY SHOW thing. Like, the real kind, where I say something and his response is an eye roll and some long winded exhale, leaving me standing [...]

Breaking Dawn, Duh.

By |2017-06-14T16:14:40-04:00November 16th, 2011|Pop Culture Addiction|

Perfecting my Bella Swan costume and lip bite. All that's missing is being spontaneously impregnated with a hybrid vampire baby who will eat her way out of my uterus before I stick her with the worst name ever.  Next to Kryslyn. (sorry girl in my kid's class.) 2 days.

Sickness isn’t an excuse. It’s an alibi.

By |2017-06-14T15:41:54-04:00November 14th, 2011|Marriage, Parenting|

If a mom coughs uncontrolably in a steamy hot shower on a Sunday afternoon, and no one was there to hear it, did it really happen? Trick question. Mom's don't get to take steamy hot showers alone, and the pee running down her leg is a dead giveaway. I've decided the whole, being a mom is a [...]