I am the mom of two boys.
Sure, before my first, I may have dreamed about a gaggle of little girls. We’d play dress up, do each others hair, have girls nights out, shop for wedding dresses…but then, we found out we were having a boy, and then another boy, and my pink dreams kinda fizzled away.
And, that’s okay. I am okay with it. Honest.
I mean, I love boys. I want a whole Jonas of them.
(That’s totally a real unit of measurement.)
So there I was, living in my happy little pee pee and Ninja Turtle world, when I got a package.
It’s from a company wanting me to write to all of you about how it’s the 25th anniversary of the Cabbage Patch Kids, blah blah, go buy one, blah blah, I rarely do reviews, blah blah blah.
But, wait.
So, like…they sent me a Cabbage Patch Kid?
A girl Cabbage Patch Kid!
She has a pink dress, with brown hair, and her name is Lousia Elva. She likes butterflies and world peace, and she just wants to be loved and adopted like those kids on tv living in a 3rd world country with flies on their mouths.
Holy crap, it’s the daughter I never had!
So I did what most rational almost 30 year old adoptive mothers do, I spent the day with her doing all the fun girl stuff I have totally been missing out on. (Please excuse the off the shoulder flash dance shirt. I saw Mia Michaels rock one out on So You Think You Can Dance, and I have been hooked ever since, so deal with it)
And then we had a pillow fight.
I taught her all about menstruation.
And, we stayed up all night drinking cheap wine and talking about boys!
It was the best night of my life! I can’t believe how wonderful it is to have another female in the house. It’s like, she just gets me, ya know?
I am not sure if I am supposed to give her back, but I’m not. Not ever.
Plus…I honestly have no idea where she is. The boys got a hold of her, took her diaper off, tried to feed her kool aid and hemorrhoid creme, and I haven’t seen her since. She could be turning tricks in Tijuana for all I know. Girls are complicated.
I am way better at reviewing liquor and lube.
Holy crap that was funny.
‘turning tricks in Tijuana’ dude.
*snort*
Wine out the nose is not comfy, just FYI.
Just wondering when you were going to fill her in on late nights of drinking wine and scissors? Remember Britt bad things happen when we mix wine, scissors and late nights lol. Once again I was laughing my ass off! Thanks for that! Keep it up girlie You rock my socks! :)
Pure awesomeness…love it!
Dang funny blog my friend, dang funny!
Is it wrong that this somehow made me long for my Cabbage Patch kid? What about my Koosas? I loved my ugly Koosas…
Why do they always give them strange names? I mean, would it kill them to send off a Jenny, Christina, or a Suzy?!
The off the shoulder look is way hotter on you ;)
Those pictures are to die for!!!
I owed one cabbage patch doll. it was a baby (small tuft of hair on an otherwise bald head) and I named it preemie. As in premature birth. My aptitude for twisted jokes started early I guess.
I think I put eyeliner on preemie and then performed heart surgery and hid a toy in its chest cavity. I have no idea what this says about what gender of kiddo I want or should have for that matter. :)
Wow, you crazy.
I’m giving you an award over on my blog.
Maybe I should go out and get one of these dolls to use has my daughter?
Funny I was just talking to my sister about the doll I had growing up…Cricket. Do you remember her?
I have a feeling the brains behind Cabbage Patch did not envision detailed tampon instructions.
So what exactly would be a good replacement for the son I wasn’t graced with?
I……love…..you…..
This is so funny, I am going to go change my underpants because I peed a little while I was laughing. Especially because I had multiple CP Kids and even visited the Cabbage Patch nursery!
I am now stalking your blog and your tweets.
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We took the kids to Babyland General this summer and no one bothered to warn me about the giant cabbage vagina that pops dolls out to a cheering audience. Thank god my kids are still to little to read my facial expressions.
There’s no pity in admitting to a obstacle for instance dependence .
I just stumbled across your blog and cannot stop reading. You are absolutely hilarious! Having only boys myself, this is by far my favorite. Thanks for “keeping it real”.