I am the mom of two boys.

Sure, before my first, I may have dreamed about a gaggle of little girls. We’d play dress up, do each others hair, have girls nights out, shop for wedding dresses…but then, we found out we were having a boy, and then another boy, and my pink dreams kinda fizzled away.

And, that’s okay. I am okay with it. Honest.

I mean, I love boys. I want a whole Jonas of them.

(That’s totally a real unit of measurement.)

So there I was, living in my happy little pee pee and Ninja Turtle world, when I got a package.

It’s from a company wanting me to write to all of you about how it’s the 25th anniversary of the Cabbage Patch Kids, blah blah, go buy one, blah blah, I rarely do reviews, blah blah blah.

But, wait.

So, like…they sent me a Cabbage Patch Kid?

A girl Cabbage Patch Kid!

She has a pink dress, with brown hair, and her name is Lousia Elva.  She likes butterflies and world peace, and she just wants to be loved and adopted like those kids on tv living in a 3rd world country with flies on their mouths.

Holy crap, it’s the daughter I never had!

So I did what most rational almost 30 year old adoptive mothers do, I spent the day with her doing all the fun girl stuff I have totally been missing out on. (Please excuse the off the shoulder flash dance shirt. I saw Mia Michaels rock one out on So You Think You Can Dance, and I have been hooked ever since, so deal with it)

First, Lousia Elva and I watched Beaches.

And then we had a pillow fight.

I taught her all about menstruation.

And, we stayed up all night drinking cheap wine and talking about boys!

It was the best night of my life! I can’t believe how wonderful it is to have another female in the house. It’s like, she just gets me, ya know?

I am not sure if I am supposed to give her back, but I’m not. Not ever.

Plus…I honestly have no idea where she is. The boys got a hold of her, took her diaper off, tried to feed her kool aid and hemorrhoid creme, and I haven’t seen her since. She could be turning tricks in Tijuana for all I know. Girls are complicated.

I am way better at reviewing liquor and lube.


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