Bar? Lowered.

By |2011-09-24T05:09:24-04:00September 8th, 2009|Musings|

Originally posted on the website Aiming Low, reposted here for posterity. Back in the old days…you know…when I was being courted…I was quite the dresser. Cute dresses. Sexy jeans and shirts. Pretty shoes. I was, like, working it. Smelled good. Looked good. And, I can’t be sure, but I am pretty sure I even gave [...]

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Randy.

By |2011-06-19T18:21:58-04:00August 26th, 2009|Mental Health, Musings|

Do you smell that? Pencils, markers, highlighters, boxes of crayons, glue, notebooks, folders... Want to have sex with me? Walk me through the aisles of Office Max. And then buy me curly fries from Arbys. The smell of office supplies?  Orgasmic. It started young. Back to school season was tough for me when I was [...]

My bed is empty. Except for Jesus Christ. And some crumbs from the Cheetos I ate earlier.

By |2010-10-25T10:23:56-04:00August 20th, 2009|Musings|

Originally posted on Aiming Low, reposted here for posterity. I jerk awake suddenly. I reached for him, but my bed was empty. What time was it, it felt too late for him to not be there. He stayed late at work finishing a project. He told me he would be home by midnight. Where’s the [...]

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MINE.

By |2010-10-25T10:25:31-04:00August 6th, 2009|Musings|

Originally posted on Aiming Low, reposted here for posterity. I hate garage sales. The picking through of people’s belongings makes me want to vomit. I’m not a snob, I just don’t like haggling with people over their memories. Plus, I’m a germophobe who judges people based on the crap they sell on a table in [...]

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Weakness

By |2012-04-09T10:47:44-04:00July 19th, 2009|Musings|

Originally posted elsewhere, re-posted here for posterity. I remember in college, one of the tips they gave you in regards to interviewing out in the real world was, when your potential future employer asks you to name some of your weaknesses, be creative. Instead of saying my weaknesses would include excessive tardiness, limited showering, and [...]

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Falling from grace. Again.

By |2011-09-24T05:12:05-04:00July 13th, 2009|Mental Health, Musings|

Originally posted on the website Aiming Low, reposted here for posterity. I think every mother has an internal struggle rectifying their pre-child and post-child lives. We are expected to seamlessly morph from Playboy Bunny to June Cleaver the second the head crowns. Exchanging selfish for selfless. Wine glasses for sippy cups. Girls nights for baby [...]

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Babies are hard, yo.

By |2011-06-19T18:38:55-04:00May 15th, 2009|Musings, Parenting|

So, ok, first things first. Looky, presh-us tiny baby gurl, lovely cheekies, wittle baby fin-gurs, num num num. We are now officially two weeks in.  Let's review. 1.  Baby vagina...totally creepy. Ok so, I have a vagina of my own.  I know what it kinda-ish looks like. I drank and dabbled in college.  I've watched [...]

The best way to spend a Thursday night in April.

By |2011-06-19T18:39:56-04:00May 5th, 2009|Musings, Parenting|

So, I had a baby. And she's lovely, and wonderful, and she smells like fairy dust and cookies. Seriously. She is delicious. I could eat her. Whole. And childbirth? Childbirth was magical. My body became an embodiment of the soul of mother nature, my insides twisting and turning to release this new force of life into [...]

Like taking candy from a baby…or, like, a super creepy old person.

By |2011-06-19T18:45:49-04:00March 6th, 2009|Musings, Parenting|

I've become a touch paranoid. Yesterday I was at my brothers, playing with the puppies, completely disregarding their birthing experience I have since forever mentally blocked from my mind, and he was watching some boy show called Operation Repo.  It's like, where cameras follow the companies who repossess cars from people, which should totally be, [...]