Cheers, Betty.

By |2017-06-14T15:13:09-04:00December 6th, 2013|Musings, Parenting|

Having a live tree has been a live, in-home therapy session for my closeted holiday OCD. We had such a magical day planned to go pick out the perfect tree. We'd hop in the car and sing Christmas carols the whole way. We'd walk together down the rows and rows of trees, homemade hot chocolate [...]

We’re Boring. We Can’t Help It.

By |2013-11-21T19:21:01-05:00November 20th, 2013|Marriage, Musings|

For a while there, we could blame our hermitism and societal lameness on the children. Gosh, we'd love to go out, but we don't have a sitter.... we're exhausted... Wyatt is sick... Jude has a game in the morning... Gigi swallowed our car keys.  Kids are like built in get-out-of-shit cards. But the real truth of [...]

The Selfie

By |2013-11-21T19:24:18-05:00July 29th, 2013|Musings, Travel|

Sometimes I think the front facing camera is the best invention of the 21st century. Probably even better than the segway or Bruno Mars. It's a girl's best friend. We know our angles and have patience with ourselves as we try to figure out how to aim the camera so our eyebrows are even and [...]

As It Stands

By |2013-05-23T10:40:45-04:00May 23rd, 2013|Have Boobs Will Travel, Musings|

I keep meaning to say more about things. I have conversation ADD. Hey I bumped an old person with my car... oh look! Cool Ranch Dorito Tacos! Plus, I'm like day 3 into a fight with Andy that he has no idea we are having. I'm irritated as hell over his ambivalence, but he seems [...]

Erotic Fiction vs Real Life

By |2013-12-22T13:39:26-05:00February 19th, 2013|Erotica, I Read Books, Musings, Sex|

I yell at movie screens. And televisions, especially commercials. Talk radio, motivational speakers, elementary school plays... What the hell, if you're going to do Grease, Rizzo has to miss her period, it's integral, I could give two fucks that they're eight. Maybe don't do Grease until everyone is menstruating, John Travolta is turning in his [...]

The Great Wide Open

By |2012-11-27T10:28:21-05:00November 27th, 2012|Musings, Travel|

I spent last week in Palm Springs. Brittany fun fact, I actually lived there as an infant, but have absolutely no recollection of the event save for some story about how we used to live near Jackie Coogan, who was Uncle Fester in the Addams Family television show, and that he held me one time. [...]

Parenthood & Friendship

By |2012-09-28T18:49:49-04:00September 28th, 2012|Musings, Parenting|

Admittedly, I'm not good at making friends. Like, I thought I was, and I went about my life thinking I was, but as I age and people's fucking filters break down, I've come to realize that is not the case. I've narrowed it down to two basic, yet contradictory, scenarios. 1. I get too close [...]

Smut and Sinus Infections

By |2013-11-21T19:27:09-05:00September 26th, 2012|Musings, Sex|

Any minute now. Come on. Just one more second.... Sneezes into my open mouth. Coughs across my plate. Lingering green snotty face kiss. Alright any moment now.... come onnn..... Yes, good, the kids are all better, running around, wrestling, ready to resume all their 800 extracurricular activities I am stuck schlepping them to, which means [...]