Home/Growing Up

You’ll realize I’m actually really cool… when you are thirty.

By |2018-04-03T09:15:17-04:00April 3rd, 2018|Friendship, Growing Up, Musings|

It’s April, my birthday month, which is also the start of a marathon mind fuck surrounding things like mortality and the afterlife and if Hunger Games time will come before or after I am gone. […]

Congratulations, Graduate!

By |2017-06-14T16:08:28-04:00June 10th, 2013|Growing Up, My Life|

It's that time of year. The time, before heading off to the graduation parties of relatives that were young, like, four seconds ago, and I sit there holding a foam plate of pasta salad mentally doing the math on just how fucking old I am now and how fucking long it's been since I've graduated [...]

Open Mouth Kissing My Thirties

By |2017-06-14T13:48:26-04:00April 16th, 2013|Body, Growing Up, My Life|

Andy and I are the same age. Born a mere 23 days apart. But if you ask Jude, our math savant son... Andy is 32. I am 30. So, fine, I lied about my age to my six year old son who could give all of zero fucks about the number. But, I cared and [...]

Between You, Me and the Goblin.

By |2017-06-14T13:54:02-04:00August 8th, 2012|Growing Up, Sex|

By the time I was 14, I knew my way around a boy. Kissing, groping, dry humping...hello, Jordan Catalano in the rain, motivation enough for a girl to find her way around a pant bulge or two. You know, everything except that whole all the way sort of thing. It wasn’t for lack of trying, [...]

Our Deepest Sympathies.

By |2017-06-14T15:44:18-04:00April 12th, 2011|Growing Up, My Life|

Yesterday I came home from the store to find a deflated mylar balloon in the tree next to my driveway. I pulled it out, because after our recent raccoon uprising, I feel the need to restore balance and look like I am attempting to keep animals alive and healthy. Plus, I accidentally hit a goose [...]

Despicable Me

By |2017-06-14T13:32:13-04:00January 24th, 2011|Body, Growing Up, My Life|

When I was 14, I shaved a boy's eyebrows off. It is, to this day, the absolutely meanest, most horrific thing I have ever done. Joe had a locker directly across from mine in the freshman hallway, and two days before Halloween, I overheard him telling a boy I really, really liked that I would [...]

Getting Welsh.

By |2017-06-14T15:51:58-04:00September 20th, 2010|Growing Up, My Life|

I didn't get corpse tendons put in my ankles in 1996. Despite my mom's best efforts, I ignored my need for surgery. What if the anesthesia doesn't work, and I feel everything, and I can't scream or tell anyone, and I am trapped in my own mind? I'll be on crutches for weeks, and there [...]

300

By |2017-06-14T15:53:09-04:00September 16th, 2010|Growing Up, My Life|

I remember the game. We were playing Bowling Green, I was coming down the left side. Slide tackled. I tried to stand back up, but my left ankle buckled unnaturally inward. My friend Tom carried me from the field.  My foot just dangled there.  I cried  the whole way to the hospital. I think. I [...]

About aging.

By |2017-06-14T15:53:57-04:00August 2nd, 2010|Growing Up, My Life|

Barring some form of sudden disfigurement, I don't ever want to get plastic surgery on my face. I saw some surgery show once when I was little.  A woman was getting her jowls tightened and they peeled her whole face off. I couldn't eat Spaghetti O's for months after that. No matter how many wrinkles [...]

If I listened to my parents in high school, I’d be Barack Obama right now.

By |2017-06-14T13:31:40-04:00May 27th, 2010|Growing Up, My Life|

Hey. If any of you are looking for those guys from high school that played tons of sports, didn't own a t-shirt without the sleeves cut off, pushed people into lockers, or harassed classmates because they looked "fat," "geeky,"  "dykey" or "faggy?" Relax. Because, I totally found them! They are coaching my sons' tee-ball league. [...]

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