So, I made a fucking vision board.

It was like a craft project, which I’ve never really had the patience for.

Ask that “scrapbook” over there.

I had grand plans to do one for every kid and their first few years of life, but as of right now, it’s just a bunch of poorly at-home printed photos glued to a page with “So this happened.” written above it in sharpie.

If you listen to the podcast, you’ve heard me talk about the stuff happening with our house, and the dark place I’ve been, and how Meredith made me read The Secret, and blah blah blah, magic is real.

And not the Hogwarts magic that I’ve always believed in, that is obviously totally real. This is like, universe magic.

The whole premise is the law of attraction, as in, the thoughts and energies you put out into this world are what determines what the universe brings back to you to experience.

And since all my thoughts and energies have been about as delightful as a maggot infested diaper, it should really be no shock that everything life is serving up to me smells about the same.

Some thoughts after reading The Secret.

  1. I feel like this whole thing would be easier to swallow if the author narrating the audiobook didn’t purposefully sound like a breathy Australian wizard. Alright Gandalf, I get it, positive thinking, not everything needs to be driven home with gongs and wind chimes.
  2. Holy shit. This made me terrified to think anything. My brain is a horror movie.
  3. I mean… what do I have to lose? I already spend entire days feeling like I want to disappear and everything is horrible. The least this can do is give me a moment’s respite from that.

So, I made the vision board.

I bought a poster size frame from Walmart for $10, glue sticks, and on the back of the stock photo that came with it, glued photos of things that made me happy, things I wanted, and goals I wanted to achieve. I placed it next to my keyboard on my desk so I have to actually look at the thing every day.

I also bought a pack of post-its to write down some uplifting and empowering words I come across online to repeat a few times a day, instead of the standard “everything is stupid, the word is a dumpster, people are terrible, all my clothes are dumb, I have nothing left to offer, everyone hates me.”

Guys, I’m telling you, I was a ray of god damned sunshine there for a while. I’m so sorry.

I even bought real leather Birkenstocks and a cactus, because this lifestyle change felt like it warranted legit hippie shoes and succulents.

I also switched to paper straws, but I don’t know if that’s a Secret thing, or like, my friend Katie asking me to stop killing sea turtles with my plastic straws thing.

All of this felt fake.

Every day I woke up and looked at the vision board, and said the happy words, and every day it felt like no matter what I said, the negativity was still just there, hanging above things like an overcast sky, letting nothing break through and get above it.

It was suffocating.

Does anyone remember that totally insane soap opera, Passions?

There was a witch and a doll that came to life, the John Tucker Must Die guy, and seriously, how was this a thing for six seasons but we cancel Downward Dog?

Anyways, it was on when I was in high school, and I remember this scene where one of the main ladies was buried alive, and all I could think while watching this entire fake thing play out was how frustrating it’d be to bang and scream and no one could hear you because you’re in a coffin in the ground.

And that right there is exactly what trying to change my attitude felt like.

I was in a coffin screaming all the good stuff, but it felt like nobody heard me because of all the damn dirt and being distracting by the John Turner guy taking his shirt off. Again.

Paper thin plot lines on this show, you guys. Paper. Thin.

Then one day, I found a crack.

Suddenly, it felt… less fake and stupid?

And then something I asked the universe for happened.

I woke up and said out loud in bed, today I am getting the money I need. And four hours later, in the middle of recording a podcast, an email notification popped up on my phone that I had gotten paid for an outstanding invoice.

This changed everything.

I looked at my vision board, and I saw, for the first time in a long time: my life.

I saw the home we’re going to have. I saw the road trips we were going to take with our kids in a wood paneled family car. I saw Oprah and Beyonce empowering me to build something great and leave, not just a legacy, but something to bring my children into. I even saw Reese Witherspoon optioning one of my books for a movie.

You might be rolling your eyes at this, and I get it.

It’s weird.

It’s uncomfortable.

It’s new age-y and silly.

But you know what, I feel less bad every day.

I feel in control of my life for the first time in over two years.

I’m wearing Birkenstocks and bring my own straws to restaurants. (again, unrelated, but important to mention because SAVE THE SEA CREATURES!)

I am smiling with my mouth open, showing my teeth, and meaning it.

I don’t even recognize photos of my old self anymore, and I like it.

I like it, a lot.

P.S. The Secret was a hard read for me because it felt a bit fanciful and outlandish. But I still recommend reading it (at least the first few chapters) as a primer to this whole Laws of Attraction thing, and Oprah agrees. But, after you read that, I need to highly- HIGHLY- recommend Jen Sincero’s You Are a Badass, and then also her second book, You Are a Badass at Making Money. Sincero is younger, relatable, and both Andy (omg someone get him a vision board and open toed sandals) and I enjoy her audiobooks. Still law of attraction stuff, but also a nice hearty punch to the nuts about believing in yourself. And we all need that from time to time.

P.P.S. Hey, just so we’re clear here. This new way of thinking has 100% changed my life and attitude, but it’s not a cure for the mental illness I suffer from. So please still always see a doctor, get on medications, talk to a therapist, all that shit, always. Take care of your mind, use these books for your soul. Cool? Cool.

 

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