If I could have one totally frivolous and useless goal in life, it would be to put myself in a position to sometimes wear formal wear. In theory.

Because in theory wearing fancy gowns with sparkly bangles and gorgeous heels sounds like an absolute dream come true.

In reality, Oh My God, why does all plus size formal wear make me feel like the mother of the bride? Yes, every place has a few alright things, but sometimes I just want plus size shopping not to be so hard, and for plus size fashion not to feel like an obligation to be filled with matronly cuts and overpriced tents of fabric. I feel like I’ve said this before but, just making fucking girl clothes. Not fat girl clothes or skinny girl clothes, just girl clothes in loads of sizes so that all girls can wear them and feel like they belong. Can this be a drinking game? Can we take a shot every time I scream this exact thing into a pillow?

Anyways, formal wear. I needed it, at last. Andy surprised me with tickets to the Charity Preview Gala of the North American International Auto Show (ahem, car prom). This is a black tie event that includes fancy cars and bottomless champagne and requires black tuxes and gowns. And as expected, I struggled to find something I loved. Until…

GownFull

GownCloseUp

Emerald Green Chiffon Gown, Custom Size, Light In The Box

It wasn’t until after I ordered this dress that I bothered to google reviews for the company I ordered it from. It was a mixed bag of loves and complaints, making my already sky high gown panic grow from medium to I ORDERED A CHEAP DRESS FROM CHINA MY LIFE IS POSSIBLY OVER. But really, it’s not like I had any other options. Worst case scenario I return it and fake diarrhea to get out of the event. Formal wear fits notoriously small, so I decided to forgo their size chart and opt for the custom sizing option ($30 extra dollars, worth it). I inputted all my measurements, confirmed my ordered, lit a candle and prayed. Right on time, my gown shipped via DHL from China and arrived to my doorstep. I was shocked by how gorgeous it was. I was expecting cheap. I got heavy and well made. And to my surprise… it was a little big. Some minor alterations later (hemmed and tightened at the waist), it was perfect. I was confident, sexy and oozed Old Hollywood Glamour. I guess curvy girls can have it all, it just takes us a little more work to find it.

Bracelet

Vintage Costume Gold Bracelet, my grandmother

Heels

Gold Heels, Gianni Bini

Bra

Deep Plunge Bra, Lane Bryant

I know what you are wondering. The Boobs? What kind of wizard magic allowed them to stay up in that dress? The answer is a U or Deep Plung Bra. Regular plunge bras simply aren’t low enough for this dress, and going braless is not an option for me. Thankfully Lane Bryant offered Deep Plunge bras with some support. Though it wasn’t the exact size I needed (I’m a 38H), I was able to get by with the biggest size they had (40DD), and it worked perfectly fine. In a perfect world, I could find one of these in my proper size, hashtag big boob problems.

Click here to see more of my photos from the gala on Instagram as well as other hilarious and sometimes-NSFW fun!

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