Sometimes I think the front facing camera is the best invention of the 21st century. Probably even better than the segway or Bruno Mars.

It’s a girl’s best friend.

We know our angles and have patience with ourselves as we try to figure out how to aim the camera so our eyebrows are even and our boobs look the same size.

House of Harlow

I don’t even try to be sneaky about it anymore. I feel pretty today fuckers, I’m capturing the moment.

Perfect system. The wrench in the works comes when you are on vacation with your kids and you’re about to take a totally cute selfie with one of them in front of the NYC skyline, and some random good Samaritan comes along all, here, let me take the photo for you. You know, like a favor. Except it’s almost always totally not.

Because first, why are they even asking? I watch a good 40 hours a week of Law & Order, and assume everyone is looking to commit a sex crime, but more importantly, I thought we weren’t even doing nice things for others anymore. Wait…. is UpWorthy finally working? Is that what is happening right now, because everyone knows taking pictures for strangers is awkward and annoying.

In fact, I avoid eye contact with all old people struggling with cameras at Disney World because I have anxiety about being in charge of their memories. My resting bitch face is no deterrent.

Second, don’t even get me started on the “how does your iphone work” dance. Because the people who offer to take the picture for you are the people who have flip phones without texting plans.

Do I just push this button?

Yes, the button with a camera picture on it.

How do I zoom?

You don’t need to zoom, it’s fine.

I pushed it but nothing happened.

Did it make a noise?

Like a flash going off?

No like a clicky camera noise?

I didn’t see a giant flash or anything.

Well it doesn’t run on flash powder, there will be no smoke plume.

Let me try again.

Ok, great.

I keep pushing it but I don’t think anything is happening. 

That’s okay, thanks I’ll just take-

Wait! I think I got it. Here let me take another because I think you were talking when the camera finally went off.

Lemme Take Your Picture Collage

Capturing the moment? Nailed it.

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