If I could live anywhere in the whole entire world, it would be somewhere where everyday was jeans weather.

But, I don’t live in such a place, I live in Ohio. It gets hot and muggy and humid and gross here, and my hair, thighs and fashion palette don’t enjoy it one bit, so I relish the small peeks of Spring and Fall we get every year, and take full advantage it, because very soon, my thighs will be all rubby and my boobs will sweat.

Like last time we played dress up, I thought I’d give you another look at some of my current favorite (totally affordable) items, how I put them together, and how it truly doesn’t matter what size you have to buy, it’s all about the fit, man.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, try stuff on. Online shopping is fun, I do it a lot, often at night eating a bowl of Cool Whip, when Andy isn’t lurking over my shoulder, but until you know how certain cuts and shapes are going to fit your body, having nothing to do with the size you order, you’ll probably end up returning it.

Or, in my case, not returning it, because you are too lazy, so just throw it in the back of your closet to fester along with your defeated self esteem and empty bank account. (I might be projecting.)


White pants can be a scary, scary situation. I never wear them when it’s close to my period, and they are an absolute must in the try on department, because, fun fact, many white pants are see through. These are wide leg white Chinos (Lands’ End, size 16, $70), they are not too heavy, not transparent, and I love tab waist pants because they help me feel held in where my belly feels all pouchy.


This is a great shower outfit. White pants with a fitted white cami (Target, size XL, $8), and a yellow lightweight Cardigan (Lands’ End, size L, $49) that I belted. I love belts. They make a waist where there is none, and I feel slimmer. Like I said before, thin belts don’t work for me because of my large chest, but the proportions of a thicker belt balance things out. Another tip, I always size down in my cardigans. They usually stretch really well, and I like the arms to be fitted and not oversized and boxy.


A girl can never have too many maxi dresses, especially if said girl hates shorts and thinks summer is stupid. This is a really simple maxi dress (Target, size XXL, $27.99). I look for two things with these, 1. can I wear a bra with it, and 2. is it long enough. There is almost nothing as horrible as a too-short maxi dress, not even war or famine. So, I always look for a dress that at least covers my ankles. Like I’m Amish only not afraid of cleavage.


This dress looked really thin and plain on the hanger, but the elastic waist is adorable, and it sits just below my chest, so I don’t feel self conscious about my stomach. It’s also very, very long, which makes me very, very happy. I am 5’7 and I am wearing this with flip flops. It’s the perfect summer chill dress.


This jacket looks like a cropped Member’s Only jacket from the 80’s with a frilly neck. It’s from Old Navy (Size XXL), I actually cackled when I saw it, and tried it on as a dare to myself. In a shocking turn of events, I loved it.


I paired the cropped jacked with a long navy v-neck cami (Target, size XL, $8), some dark wash flare jeans (Old Navy, size 14, $25) and a fun burnt orange necklace (Target, $14). It’s dressy like a blazer, but also girly with the ruffles. I don’t support cropped clothing, but for this jacket, I make an exception.


Two very blah things. A grey cropped sleeve cardigan (Gap, size XL) and a meh white empire cut shirt (Walmart, size XXL, $12). You see these shirts everywhere, and they almost never wear well as is, especially if you are busty. But, I love the cut of the v-neck, and I really want to make this work.


This is one of my favorite outfits. I took the grey cardigan and white shirt, and belted it to add not only interest, but it’s now keeping the shirt in place so my bra doesn’t hang out. I added some cute yellow heels and some dark wash flare jeans (Old Navy, size 14, $25).


I don’t like business wear, I’m very much a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, so dressing for things like tv shows or interviews has always been a challenge for me. I found this blazer in my closet, it’s NY& Co, size 14 and probably from 2000, which totally makes it vintage, right? It was covered in dust and had some foam almost-shoulder pads things in it, I cut those out.


I love pairing blazers with some sexy jeans (Mudd, size 15, Kohls $19.99) fitted tops, and then pops of colorful jewelry (Target, $14), which is what I did here. Now, I feel girly and professional, but totally comfortable.


I saw this sweater on sale in-store at the Gap (Size XXL, $19). On the hanger, it has absolutely no redeeming qualities. It’s boxy, the neck is weird, and the color, really? Neon yellow. Who looks awesome in neon yellow!?


This is something I wear on the regular. What’s that? Plus size girls can’t wear horizontal stripes? False. The color is surprisingly doable, especially when I tone it down by layering it over a long fitted white cami and some, yes I know OMG, skinny jeans. Alright fine, they’re jeggins (Old Navy, size 14, $34). But here’s the thing, they hold their shape and while my thighs are an area I hate, I think the oversized bright top helps balance it out.

This outfit feels very Audrey Hepburn meets Zooey Deschanel…and I’m ok with that.

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