me:  I think I was just baby raped.

Andy:  What are you talking about?

me:  I just woke up and found Gigi nursing without my consent.

Andy:  She can’t talk yet.  And, she’s your daughter.

me:  She pulled my boob out while I was unconscious and started breastfeeding.  I watch Law & Order SVU.  People go to the pokey for less.

Andy:  (super assy sarcastic voice) Yikes.

me:  That means jail, right?  Not anal sex?

Andy:  I think it means both.

me:  This is serious.  I am trying to wean, and now my boobs are confused.

Andy:  Maybe you should wear a bra to bed, your boobs fall out of your tank tops all the time?

me:  Are you blaming the victim?

Andy:  No, I’m blaming gravity.

me:  Awesome Galileo, so now I have fat boobs?

Andy:  (token Andy lip purse and deep judgmental I’m smarter than you sigh)I don’t see this going anywhere.

me:  I’m calling my mom.

Andy:  Make sure and tell her you were baby raped.

Is it just me, or does Andy seem super defensive?

I think he is jealous.

But, it’s totally his own fault.

I tell him to wait until I am asleep to have sex with me all the time, and he never takes me up on it.

I think.

Facebook Comments