me: I think I was just baby raped.
Andy: What are you talking about?
me: I just woke up and found Gigi nursing without my consent.
Andy: She can’t talk yet. And, she’s your daughter.
me: She pulled my boob out while I was unconscious and started breastfeeding. I watch Law & Order SVU. People go to the pokey for less.
Andy: (super assy sarcastic voice) Yikes.
me: That means jail, right? Not anal sex?
Andy: I think it means both.
me: This is serious. I am trying to wean, and now my boobs are confused.
Andy: Maybe you should wear a bra to bed, your boobs fall out of your tank tops all the time?
me: Are you blaming the victim?
Andy: No, I’m blaming gravity.
me: Awesome Galileo, so now I have fat boobs?
Andy: (token Andy lip purse and deep judgmental I’m smarter than you sigh)I don’t see this going anywhere.
me: I’m calling my mom.
Andy: Make sure and tell her you were baby raped.
Is it just me, or does Andy seem super defensive?
I think he is jealous.
But, it’s totally his own fault.
I tell him to wait until I am asleep to have sex with me all the time, and he never takes me up on it.