Ok, so you know when yo

……….

Um.

Sorry, I just blacked out.

30 Day Shred is kicking my ass.

I am starting with level 2, hoping to bump this whole charade to something more along the lines of a 15ish Day Shred.

But, it’s totally hard, and by the time I am done with the 20 minute workout, I can’t feel my arms and I smell like a rave.

But, I’m sorta in a hurry.

I just saw a super bad (fat) picture of me.

Super bad (fat).

Like Dom Delouise bad (fat).

I literally sobbed on the couch until my husband went up to the gas station and bought me a frozen cherry slushie.

Counterproductive?  Probably.

But, it’s hard to see yourself look so…swollen (it’s a nice word for fat).

In all fairness, it was at a super bad angle, and my boobs were engorged as hell, but that doesn’t excuse my thighs, my arms or my chin(s).

Pfft.

Anyways, back to what I was saying before, you know when you hold up a pair of jeans, and you are all like, oh, these look huge, and then you try them on, and you can’t even get them up your thighs?

This?  Happened to me yesterday.

Which led to more crying.

And more cherry slushie.

And, I know I just had a baby 5 weeks ago, and it’s not out of the ordinary for me to be the size of a small country at this point, but, sob, I still hate it all the same.

My body is older this time around, and this third pregnancy may just do me in, things just don’t have that feeling of…bouncing back.

It’s like a sleeping bag.  The first pregnancy, my body was like a brand new sleeping bag, one of those bad ass ones that cost a bunch because you could totally take it with you to climb Everest, even though you only use it for drunken tent camping at the local KOA.  Anyways, so you have a kid, and even though the sleeping bag is got kinda dirty, and you spilled beer on it, it still totally rolls up all neat and fits in the bag.  But by the third kid?  The thing smells like cat piss and campfire, and it’s so lumpy and misshapen, it doesn’t even roll up anymore, so you just stuff the thing in a ratty ass garbage bag. 

My boobies are way cute though.

This is my body.

Good for beer drinking and pie eating contests.

Bad for bikinis.

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But, for totally good reason.

 

P.S.  I love shiny awards and irony, so if this post wasn’t depressing enough, go here and vote for me for funniest blog! 

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