I woke up today and realized I can’t remember the last time I brushed my kid’s teeth.

Or shaved under my arms.

Or, for that matter, left the house.

But, my hair looks fierce, in that tousled Vicky Secret kind of way, and my boobs are way hot.

I totally need to vacuum though. And maybe run the dishwasher some.

I have absolutely no idea what the UPS guy was alluding to when he asked if someone died in my house.

Don’t people understand fall tv is back, Jack?

Dirty, Sexy Money, the Office, Greys Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother, Ugly Betty, 30 Rock, Gossip Girl, Project Runway, Family Guy, SNL.

I mean, yeah it’s 4pm. And yeah, I don’t even have pants on, but America’s Next Top Model is on tonight, so I am a little busy mentally preparing for that right now, so back off my shit.

In more productive news, I signed the boys up for 8 weeks of swimming lessons today. And though I dread tankini-ing it up for the next 8 Saturdays, I am even more so dreading the effort required to shave above my knees…and, ya know, the other place. Gotta be honest, I have let things go to pot these past few weeks, so I may have a bit of a task ahead of me.

I would totally just outsource the job, but ever since my last birth, tearing and stitch up job, I feel a bit like Frankenstein Vagina, all hacked up and scary. Hubby says it’s all still golden down there, but I know better…plus it always gets all tingly during lightning storms.

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