The Sprats

By |2017-06-14T13:46:22-04:00May 7th, 2013|Body, Marriage, Sex|

Jack Sprat could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean. And so between them both, you see, They licked the platter clean. The other day, out of the blue, Andy asked me if I found him as attractive as I did in high school. My immediate reaction was to laugh, which I did, [...]

Open Mouth Kissing My Thirties

By |2017-06-14T13:48:26-04:00April 16th, 2013|Body, Growing Up, My Life|

Andy and I are the same age. Born a mere 23 days apart. But if you ask Jude, our math savant son... Andy is 32. I am 30. So, fine, I lied about my age to my six year old son who could give all of zero fucks about the number. But, I cared and [...]

Is Motherhood Sexy?

By |2013-11-21T19:25:36-04:00December 12th, 2012|Marriage, Parenting, Sex|

The other day I got an email asking me if I was making motherhood sexy. Gosh, I have no idea. Was I supposed to be? Would my kids describe me as sexy to their friends? Have I been doing this wrong the whole time? I mean, it ended up being an email about pole dance [...]

A Hot Bed of Sexual Insecurities

By |2017-06-14T13:47:53-04:00October 9th, 2012|Body, Marriage, Sex|

In this moment, my biggest regret in life is not living years 21-24 completely naked. Not having sex with the lights on, and video taping it. Not making out with a lower class drifter in the bottom of a boat and let him sketch nude pictures of me. I could go on, but you know, [...]

2nd Shift Wives Club

By |2012-10-11T20:29:40-04:00May 22nd, 2012|Marriage, Parenting|

Last week, due to a series of co-worker vacations, Andy was put on second shift for 7 days. Now, before you go all, poor Brittany has to suffer through seven whole days with Andy working at night, whah whah- Imma stop you right there while I pull out my Second Shift Wives Club Rewards Card. [...]

Marriage is Way Harder Than it Looks on TV.

By |2012-02-17T16:03:59-04:00January 20th, 2012|Marriage, Parenting|

Blah, blah, blah kids are hard. They're hard on my skin elasticity, hard on my sleep schedule, hard on my ability to retain information, like where I parked my car or why I have no pants on. But, they're also hard on my marriage. Don't get me wrong, kids mostly make things awesome, like when [...]

Taped in front of a live studio audience.

By |2017-06-14T16:31:40-04:00January 6th, 2012|Marriage|

So yes, Andy bogarted my Christmas gift and got testosterone furniture. And no, it's not returnable, it's a floor model. But, the other half of our Christmas plan was for him to get a new television.  Which he still got. It's 60 inches, which to me, sounds like way too many inches for a television. [...]

The Divorce.

By |2011-11-16T19:02:02-04:00November 11th, 2011|Marriage|

This weird thing happens when you get married. You get a sudden desire to accumulate couples friends. As in, friends that are couples.  So you can all do things collectively.  And talk about couples things. Like...tax exemptions and the perks of having a joint Facebook account, while we each uncomfortably make out and use pet [...]

Way to Go, Bruce Jenner.

By |2017-06-14T16:14:53-04:00November 2nd, 2011|Pop Culture Addiction|

Ok so, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce after 72 super hard days of marriage, and a two part wedding special on E!, or as I like to call it, the Ryan Seacrest is Ruining Humanity Channel, that netted her a rumored 17 million dollars. Well, this makes sense. Gay people can't get married in the [...]

Welcome Home

By |2017-06-14T14:24:12-04:00October 18th, 2011|DIY, Home, Marriage|

You know how in Twilight, Alice has visions of people's future in her head, and when she can't see it, it's because they are dead or something? That is how I like to pretend my brain works. In my mind, I am psychic, so I feel like if I don't envision something happening, it's because [...]