humor

/Tag: humor

Riding In Cars With Kids

By |2017-06-14T12:50:46-04:00February 28th, 2014|Marriage, Parenting|

I've been having car issues. Mechanically, my SUV was cherry. Logistically I wanted to light it on fire and push it into the pond. The problem is that I have three children in car seats on a single bench seat. So what, you ask? Oh, you've never put a condom on a dude then tried to [...]

Elementary School. It’s not all limos and Happy Meals.

By |2017-06-14T13:14:58-04:00January 22nd, 2014|Parenting|

Last week Gigi's midterm report came home informing me she recognized no letters or letter sounds, and she was unable to write her name. Which is weird because she definitely knew all those things going into her second year of preschool. A preschool that apparently bases it's curriculum on The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. [...]

Dream the Impossible Dream. Shorts.

By |2017-06-14T11:59:43-04:00November 5th, 2013|Body, Fashion, Shorts|

There comes a point in your life when you feel comfortable with your thighs rubbing together in hot, public places. I am not at that exit yet. I'm on the exit ramp, off to the side, where the truckers park to sleep. I'm not talking about mentally comfortable. In fact, after 20 hours in a [...]

The Comeback Kid

By |2013-10-24T09:45:58-04:00October 24th, 2013|Parenting|

I went off to college wanting to be an elementary school teacher. That goal was lost somewhere along the line, but I had a very 1950's daydream about me in cardigan sweater sets talking about conjugating verbs. After college, I spent my summers working at an all-girls summer camp, and my first week on the [...]

Sorry, America. I Can’t Quit You.

By |2017-06-14T15:12:16-04:00September 5th, 2013|Press, Sex, Travel|

I wasn't going to post while on vacation, first because Andy keeps giving me the mean face when I check my email, and two because Mexico and I are actually in a fight over the actual existence of wifi. I'm all, seriously Mexico, internet travels through the air now, stop being weird about this. And Mexico [...]

And Release.

By |2013-06-17T10:29:41-04:00June 17th, 2013|Mental Health|

Do you want me to stop? I blinked away the tears that seared the corners of my eyes. No, let's keep going. Are you sure, we have a whole hour, you know. You can stop, collect yourself... No, I don't want to stop. Okay, we'll keep going, just remember to breath. In inhaled sharply, letting [...]

School’s Out. ALREADY!?

By |2013-05-17T10:41:41-04:00May 17th, 2013|Parenting|

This morning I got up and looked at the school calendar, as I am wont to do two hours before the start of school, and I exhaled a sigh of relief that I didn't have to come up with snack for twenty kids. Last month I sent Wyatt to class with a bag full of [...]