I've been having car issues. Mechanically, my SUV was cherry. Logistically I wanted to light it on fire and push it into the pond. The problem is that I have three children in car seats on a single bench seat. So what, you ask?
Oh, you've never put a condom on a dude then tried to shove his balls … [Read More...]
Yesterday was not a pretty day. I was not feeling it. I was not feeling it at all.
I was getting ready for an event and none of my clothes were agreeing with me. Mountains of them all over the closet in protest. Big fucking piles of nope. And since I've been riding high on the lady emotion train, … [Read More...]
Someone just come over and put this damn Lunette menstrual cup inside me correctly. I don't have the will to figure it out, internet, I just don't. I tried youtube'ing it, but almost no one has a legitimate menstrual cup insertion video. They all puss out using champagne glasses or diagrams of the … [Read More...]
Two days ago we went to the Sing-Along version of Frozen, because we still have money left in our retirement account and haven't yet fulfilled our apparent moral obligation to continuously bolster the box office success of this cartoon.
I had just finished the reprise of For The First Time in … [Read More...]
We've basically been stuck in our house since January 1st, and aside from the uncontrollable sobbing and eye twitching, it's been amazing. I'm like Sissy Spacek in Blast From The Past.
There's been constant rainbow looming, online shopping, minor home renovations, and it's also cleared the way … [Read More...]
I don't know about you, but I hate to have things all up on my neck. On top of that, I have a large chest, so high necklines- on top of choking me- are really unflattering.
Plus I like my sweatshirts with cleavage. I'll own that.
So, I have come up with a solution to the dreaded high neck … [Read More...]
Last week Gigi's midterm report came home informing me she recognized no letters or letter sounds, and she was unable to write her name. Which is weird because she definitely knew all those things going into her second year of preschool. A preschool that apparently bases it's curriculum on The … [Read More...]
When you are plus size and have self esteem issues, it's not uncommon to hate January 1st.
Once I eventually got past the dread of imminent resolution failure and looming hyper-inadequacy, I tabled New Years as nothing more than the passing of a calendar year. No more resolutions. No more … [Read More...]
Andy and I forgot our wedding anniversary.
Then we suddenly remembered the night before, except we both incorrectly assumed it was our 10 year anniversary, which left us both scrambling.
Fuck, what is the traditional gift for 10 years?
Wikipedia says tin.
Can it be Target Gift Cards and … [Read More...]
First of all, four year olds aren't in charge of making life decisions.
Logically, I know this to be true. I'm the parent. No means no. Because I said so. I walked up hill both ways in the snow to do whatever asinine thing you are trying to weasel out of to play XBox. I'll give you something to … [Read More...]