Erotic Fiction vs Real Life

February 19, 2013

I yell at movie screens. And televisions, especially commercials. Talk radio, motivational speakers, elementary school plays… What the hell, if you’re going to do Grease, Rizzo has to miss her period, it’s integral, I could give two fucks that they’re eight. Maybe don’t do Grease until everyone is menstruating, John Travolta is turning in his […]

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Meeting Wyatt

February 15, 2013

Every morning on the way to school we listen to music and sing. When they get out I turn on NPR or POTUS to nerd out, but until then, it’s a super long drive and yes, singing and merriment is had. The kids have a Spotify playlist, and it used to consist of mostly Disney […]

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A Red Lipstick Valentine’s Day

February 12, 2013

I don’t own lipstick, weird right? I own tons of cheapo balms and glosses, but no actual lipstick. The last time I wore it was in a shade of matte brown with a grungy flannel shirt and Dr. Martens, so like, not since Lilith Fair happened. That being said, I have a total girl crush […]

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L.A. Part Two: There’s somebody sleeping in my bed. And he’s still there.

February 4, 2013

I get weird in hotels. Under normal circumstances, in my home, I’m a germaphobe. I don’t use the upstairs bathroom because it perpetually smells like boy. I have my own orange juice in the fridge because I’m the only one who likes it extra pulpy, but also because I drink out of the bottle and […]

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Playing Dress Up: Mid-Winter/Pre-Spring Wardrobe Confusion

January 28, 2013

Ohio is in year two of a total identity crisis. Under normal circumstances, we’d be pleasantly into our second month of thick snow, with no end in sight until at least May. But, while I was freezing my ass off in below freezing temps last night, today I’m glaring at melting snow everywhere and 50 […]

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Fat Shame

January 25, 2013

Obesity is an epidemic. We see it all over the news. Overweight people with their heads cut off walking down the street. Fat kids with faces blurred just enough to maybe protect their identity, but not enough to tell they are actively eating food. You see, we need to see that. We need to be […]

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Part One: Home from L.A.

January 24, 2013

Well, I just flew in from L.A., and boy are my arms tired. No, seriously. I drank heavily the entire flight and challenged everyone in first class to an arm wrestling match; my biceps are exhausted. This was actually a really scary trip for me. I mean, let’s be honest. I’m not thin. I’m not […]

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Screw the Dinner Table

January 14, 2013

Friday night I came home from dinner with the girls, kissed the trio of messy haired mugs on the couch watching some apparent illegal form of Hotel Transylvania, peeked in at Andy playing some totally nerdy computer gun war game, went to my closet, pulled off my shirt, unbuttoned my jeggings, and went to the […]

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Hang Out With Us, With or Without Boobs!

January 9, 2013

If you happen to be in the L.A. area, the Have Boobs Will Travel crew, consisting of Greg Grunberg, Alice Clayton, Keili Lefkovitz, Brad Savage, Shane Johnson and myself will be hanging out at Rush Bar January 19th, at 9pm. We will be in the Pole room. Yes… that kind of pole. Rush Street 9546 […]

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Into 2013, With Love.

January 4, 2013

A new year. Time for me to be all profound and manafesto-y. Maybe fire off  a quote or limerick or something. While 2012 can be summed up in the words of Tommy Boy, “Ow, that’s gonna leave a mark,” 2013 is blowing up Monty Python style, ‘Tis but a scratch.” I spent last year both […]

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