Anastasia Steele was Clearly Not a Mother of Three

July 2, 2012

There are a lot of things about the Fifty Shades series that are downright preposterous. Christian can have sex 60 times in a row? Nobody showers afterward, they just walk around like sex stink and UTIs don’t exist? People still own teacups? While I found the book to be about as believable as Donatella Versace’s [...]

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A Totally Hypothetical In No Way Real STOP STARING AT ME Cautionary Tale

June 25, 2012

Once upon a time, a little boy woke up his sleeping mother to tell her his pee pee hurt. Not understanding pee pees herself, and realizing he was far too young for the clap, she assured the little boy that perhaps he’d slept on it wrong and it was sore, then sent him back to [...]

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The Family Closet

June 19, 2012

This weekend I have been coping with weird feelings. Nesting feelings, if you will. Without the whole fetus mess, obviously. I can make that statement confidentially because I bought one of those at-home doppler things my last pregnancy, and I use it occasionally when I think I have a tapeworm. Last Friday I had a [...]

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She Pees.

June 14, 2012

Gigi is what I like to call, home potty trained. Which basically means, at home, she generally/mostly goes to the bathroom in the toilet. Everywhere else? No, that’s disgusting, but at home? Yes, ok fine. In full disclosure, I’ll admit to not hitting the potty training train extra hard this time around. We have a [...]

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Blanket Apology

June 11, 2012

Growing up, I lived in a house with a minimum of 3-4 animals at a time. My mom was always taking in animals, and at one point even had a room with over 100 bearded dragons. Seriously. Having friends over was stressful and required hours of prep work; vacuuming up hair, lighting smelly candles, lint-rolling [...]

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I’m here, just…gurgly and apparently really unattractive.

June 7, 2012

I’m sick. I knew it yesterday at 3am when Gigi came sobbing into my room. I pulled her into bed with me, all warm and snuggled against my chest. Then she looked up at me with her big brown eyes, her face lit by the glow of the charging laptop on my night stand, and [...]

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Why Summer Break Doesn’t Suck

May 30, 2012

Today is Jude’s last day of school. We did it, another year. Wyatt finished pre-school last week, which could not have come at a better time. While he started off the year strong, running into the classroom and wanting absolutely nothing to do with me, the last three weeks have been a shit storm of [...]

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2nd Shift Wives Club

May 22, 2012

Last week, due to a series of co-worker vacations, Andy was put on second shift for 7 days. Now, before you go all, poor Brittany has to suffer through seven whole days with Andy working at night, whah whah- Imma stop you right there while I pull out my Second Shift Wives Club Rewards Card. [...]

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Trampolines, Possible Death Traps or Giant Sex Cages?

May 15, 2012

What’s more controversial than breastfeeding, circumcision or genocide? Giant trampolines. Yesterday we bought one, I say “we” because I was there, and since I didn’t lay down in front of the cart in the middle of Sam’s Club, I guess I allowed it to happen. Andy has wanted one for a million years, and because [...]

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To the Mattresses.

May 10, 2012

We’re currently mattress shopping. Unlike furniture shopping, mattress shopping has been something I insist on being sober for, less I end up with a waterbed. Truthfully, I’d be ok with a set of bunk beds, as I have a growing desire to not be touched while I sleep. In the old days, that may stem [...]

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