Family Vacation? Liar.

April 2, 2013

I remember when we landed in Cleveland from L.A. We stood in baggage claim hand in hand. He carried my bags for me, and snuggled me close as we ran in the snow to our car. We stopped at a restaurant off the turnpike on the drive home, he ran in to pee and came […]

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Summer Maxi

March 29, 2013

Yeahhhhh…. no. I know my body. I know my thighs. I know how attractive I look fishing fabric out of the fold of my vagina. Bottom line? I am not built for shorts. Even at my thinnest, like in high school when I thought I was a fat ass but would now drink the blood […]

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Because

March 26, 2013

I arrived in Florida to tornadoes, hail, cool temperatures… oh, and an email box full of requests from morning news shows. All because a chubby girl wore a bikini on the internet. I mean, can you even imagine!? So, yesterday we spent the day poolside with the crew of Good Morning America. We talked about […]

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Step Right Up, The Most Exciting Game On The Midway!

March 21, 2013

Navin R. Johnson: The most exciting game on the midway! Imagine the thrill of getting your weight guessed by a professional! You can blow up your cheeks, you can stick out your chest, but you’re not going to fool the guesser. How ’bout you, sir? Step right up! Carnival Goer: Hey honey, let’s see how […]

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Bikini Mountain

March 18, 2013

So, when I started do this whole thing where once a year I put on a bathing suit and go in public, I thought, yes. This feels brave. This feels strong. And it was, until one day it wasn’t. It doesn’t necessarily feel less strong or less brave, it just feels… normal. Which is amazing. […]

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Garage Fridge

March 13, 2013

This weekend we put a fridge in our garage. We have a garage fridge. Exciting, right? Okay just stay with me here, I have a point, let me muddle about to get there a sec. We put a fridge in our garage… and then I had an emotional breakdown. See? There’s the hook you were […]

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The Tiny Fashionista

March 8, 2013

Having a girl has been a really, really awesome head trip. After two boys, I totally wanted a girl, but I had no idea what I was getting. I mean, it’s way better than I expected, but sometimes Andy and I look at each other all… Where did she come from? How does she know […]

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Pink Eye

March 6, 2013

Last Wednesday, the school popped up on my caller ID. Now, that single occurrence used to send me dashing to the phone, freaked out and scared to death at the news on the other end. But then, I quickly realized the main reason I happen to get calls from the school is for things like, […]

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Working from Home: the Good, the Bad, and the Pathetic

March 1, 2013

I was having dinner with a friend the other night when her phone dinged on the table, and as she checked the text with obvious exasperation, she looked up at me and then out the window at the dance of headlights playing on the street beside us and whispered wistfully, I wish I could work […]

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It Happened: Eyelash Extensions

February 28, 2013

About a month ago, I turned to Facebook to talk eyelashes. Mainly, mine are crap, how can I make them be less crap? My lashes are very short, some are curly, some are straight, and then some just bend in, like, 90 degree angles. I have no idea what Danny DeVito’s pubic hair looks like, […]

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