What I Really Say To Your Husband

Ladies, your husbands are emailing me. Repeatedly. You may or may not have any idea this is happening. It's probably while you're in the shower, or after you go to bed. Or maybe when you think they're texting a co-worker on the couch, or in the bathroom on their iPads. … [Read More...]

I saw Jesus in Ikea

Ikea is not a store, Ikea is a big fucking chore.The parking process is like fucking Disney World, which is annoying to me, as I hate parking...and walking...especially with two kids and a mother who can't contain herself. She very well may have wet herself at the big gawdy blue and gold Graceland … [Read More...]

Walnuts goes to the fair

1. I rarely offer advice...out loud. Sure, I will bad mouth and judge the fuck out of you in my head, but out loud? Not so much. Mostly because I am a giant pussy, I can't run that fast, plus my ankle always gives out due to an old soccer injury.But. I will share this nugget with you. If you … [Read More...]

Hey guess what!

I got my hair cut. Six whole inches. Pretty exciting, huh?!*wink, wink*COPYRIGHT BAREFOOT FOODIE 2009 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. … [Read More...]

Among the living.

I am still here, and I want to write more, but my ability to sit upright and focus on my 52 inch computer monitor (yes for real, my husband feels WoW is best viewed in life size) has been compromised by the bile and undigested saltine crackers that keep creeping back up my esophagus.But, know that I … [Read More...]

Weekend Crap Up

1. Should I be concerned my pee is a burnt orange color? I feel like I should be. 2. This weekend, I missed out on the biggest event in my home town, aside from Annual Couch Potato Derby, because I opted to spend my Saturday...and most of today...on my knees next to the toilet, the victim of … [Read More...]

Refreshers course

Me: My boobs hurt, and I feel bloated. Pregnant Emily: It's way too early to have any inklings of pregnancy, it's all in your head. Me: So me leaking milk is a figment of my imagination?! Pregnant Emily: Wait, what!? Me: I may have exaggerated a bit just then. Pregnant Emily: … [Read More...]

Dermatological Guest Post

Holla bitches! So, Brittany can't post today, she is too busy cowering in a dark room with toothpaste on her face, so in her place, is yours truly, her blemish.  Aka, biggest motherfucking zit ever. I didn't start out this big.  At first, I was all calm and subtle, but then Brittany had to be a … [Read More...]

Holy 1983

I am the mom of two boys. Sure, before my first, I may have dreamed about a gaggle of little girls. We'd play dress up, do each others hair, have girls nights out, shop for wedding dresses...but then, we found out we were having a boy, and then another boy, and my pink dreams kinda fizzled … [Read More...]

The Worst Thing About Oral Hygiene.

Hi folks! I am super busy ovulating today, but I just wanted to stop in and share a few things with you, then it's back to the grind, and by grind, I mean....well...you know. 1. I grew up with dogs. My mom is into dogs. My brother has dogs. I have a dog. In my lifetime we have raised and … [Read More...]

A letter to myself

Because I am feeling very zen and therapeutic at the moment (or that could totally be the xanax talking), I decided to write a letter to myself at age 18. Obviously, this was not that long ago for me, ahem, but it is none the less relevant to my inner growth process...plus I am drinking wine and … [Read More...]