Wide Calves. Tall Boots.

Naturalizer Tall Boots

It's fall. I don't care what the calendar says, everything tastes like pumpkins and candy is snack size, that's how you know. And fall time means tall boots time, which happens to be my favorite time of all! … [Read More...]

My sanity…and jello.

There is a reason I stay at home and deal with the majority of people through a computer screen. I am a psycho.Seriously, I have no idea how anyone can stand to be with me for any length of time, unless they are drunk, and then I seem normal, and more quirky cute than quirky fucking weird, so to … [Read More...]

Turns out, not as handy as I thought.

I'm a little disappointed.Me and the boys spent about 3 hours yesterday perfecting our new sprinkler system. Actually, it was more me doing the work, and them drinking the 80 mph water that shot out of the holes, and then squatting over the sprinklers and enjoying the shots of water on their little … [Read More...]

Kindred Spirits

Everybody warns you.  Your life will change when you get married.  Your life will change when you have kids. I was the first of my friends to get married, and the first to have kids. And, yeah. It totally changes. At least before kids, you can still have frequent girls nights out, the only … [Read More...]

Weekend Wrap Up

This summer is really testing my deodorant. Like, to the limits. And the grossest part is...I am now kinda starting to like smelling all man gross. It totally reminds me of being on a train in Europe visiting my relatives, and everyone smells like body odor and gin...and it smells like...home. I … [Read More...]

Where’s my wingman?

Ok, who was in charge of stopping me from cutting my bangs on a whim...at 3am...after 3 glasses of wine...when it's 500 degrees out? I am pretty sure if was fucking you. Don't you remember the last time this happened? I was all, Duuude...it's sooo hot, I'm going to cut my hair off like … [Read More...]

Boy Parts

In the spirit of potty training, I have decided that the toddler needs to accompany his daddy to all at home peeings. I mean, he needs to see this whole thing go down in person, not just mommy freaking him out with my fake hot dog wiener lecture series. It's creepy. For both of us. And the dog, … [Read More...]

The Feminine Mystique

Ok folks, here is the post where I destroy any image you have of me that is dainty, demure and lady like.Usually, I make this Sunday evening post, chronically all the random events of my weekend. I type it up after everyone else is in bed so I can watch old Monty Python DVDs and eat ice cream and … [Read More...]

Running (er briskly walking) with the devil

I fee like I have gotten fat. That's because you have. Seriously! You've noticed?  Noticed what? That you can't fit into anything, your arms have bat wings, and you have been secretly photoshopping your double chin out of the 4th of July picnic pictures? Um, yeah, I've noticed. Wow, I appreciate … [Read More...]

Proof I have a problem

Ok, here is the deal.I had a coke tonight, thus breaking my 14 month long soda free existence. I suck and I don't want to talk about it...which means I totally will, but not until tomorrow-ish.I do feel ashamed about the whole thing, but not as ashamed as I am of ABC.I mean, really ABC!?You cancel … [Read More...]

Open letter to the guy who peed on my leg on my 21st birthday

Hey fella,You know, you were a pretty desirable guy back in high school. Good looking. Great car. As I recall, you were a bit of a ladies man back then. So, imagine my shock when I saw you at the bar we all went to to celebrate my 21st birthday. And, imagine my even bigger shock when you … [Read More...]