Magnum P.I. called…he wants his shorts back.

April 18, 2008

Listen, guy across the street, I am just as excited that it is spring time as you are. Hell, I am down right giddy about it. But, the thing is, man…your shorts. They are really short. I don’t fancy myself a fashion maven, nor do I wish to dictate what people wear in the privacy […]

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It’s not you, it’s me…and your lack of email

April 17, 2008

Listen, if you don’t have internet access and a cell phone, then we simply can’t be friends. And, it’s not because I am a technology snob. I’m not. As I type this, there is literally duck tape holding my cell phone together (long story). It’s because I don’t have the time or mental capacity anymore […]

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The old lady who lived in a shoe

April 15, 2008

Since when did I start giving off the vibe that says “hey, I am a nice complete stranger, please leave your unattended children with me, and I will watch over and nurture them until you return?” I don’t think I look overly friendly. I mean, I don’t look like a pedophile, but I have been […]

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Wonton-ish Soup

April 15, 2008

On the rare occasion I feel lazy, snicker, I do a little cheating, and try and come up with a super fast version of something I love. This time around, wonton soup. It’s a fun way to eat chinese take out soup without wondering how long it’s been sitting in a giant pot next to […]

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Cheers Wee One

April 13, 2008

Did you know I gave birth to my youngest boy a year ago today, Friday the 13th, with a midnight marathon of The Office on TBS playing in the background? This explains why he always says “That’s what she said” when I tell him to stop touching his pee pee. Anyways, this also marks the […]

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Got change for a dollar?

April 9, 2008

If you have ever been pregnant, you can relate that the first few months are stressful, meaning, you are in a state of constant miscarriage worry. You worry about even the slightest cramp. You stare at the toilet paper after every wipe, looking for even the slightest twinge of pink. You think “Wait…I don’t feel […]

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Aloha Lazy Ass

April 8, 2008

I’ve scrapped my grand idea of grilled chicken tenders marinated in pineapple and served with a Polynesian dipping sauce. The thought of doing this tires me. We are doing wings instead. I feel like a luau birthday party sell out, but eh…who needs authenticity when there is plenty of liquor to be had? I’d cancel […]

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All kinds of crap, in no particular order.

April 6, 2008

I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I hate to hit you with a numerological rundown of my weekend, but it was busy, and well, warm…so while I would love to be remembered for my blogging, I don’t want my death certificate to read “…was found face down on her keyboard, clearly drooling, on an otherwise sunny and […]

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Trout Day 2008

April 3, 2008

Listen here, trout, quit swimming around all cute and stuff. I have news for you, my friend, very soon you will be in my belly, and no amount of cozying up to me is going to change that. Seriously, stop looking at me with those beady trout eyes. Damn it Gil the Trout! My brother […]

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Is that the song from Deliverance I hear?

April 2, 2008

“Ok girls, what movie do you want to watch, how about we let the guest pick?” “Oh, how about To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar?” “I um…I don’t think we have that one, um…what’s it about?” “Oh my God, it’s so good, it’s about these guys that dress like girls, but they don’t […]

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