Stage 5 Clinger

Clinger Text

"You never call me anymore." He said. "Yes I do!" "Um no, you don't. It's Wednesday and you haven't called to bug me at work all week?" So, two things. One, he apparently only pretends to be annoyed with me, which only confirms my theory that my exasperating personality is a large part of my sex appeal. And two, I don't need to compulsively connect with my husband anymore. Now, before you get all Dr. Phil on my relationship and whisper about marital troubles or divorce, listen to me. … [Read More...]

Among the living.

I am still here, and I want to write more, but my ability to sit upright and focus on my 52 inch computer monitor (yes for real, my husband feels WoW is best viewed in life size) has been compromised by the bile and undigested saltine crackers that keep creeping back up my esophagus.But, know that I … [Read More...]

Weekend Crap Up

1. Should I be concerned my pee is a burnt orange color? I feel like I should be. 2. This weekend, I missed out on the biggest event in my home town, aside from Annual Couch Potato Derby, because I opted to spend my Saturday...and most of today...on my knees next to the toilet, the victim of … [Read More...]

Refreshers course

Me: My boobs hurt, and I feel bloated. Pregnant Emily: It's way too early to have any inklings of pregnancy, it's all in your head. Me: So me leaking milk is a figment of my imagination?! Pregnant Emily: Wait, what!? Me: I may have exaggerated a bit just then. Pregnant Emily: … [Read More...]

Dermatological Guest Post

Holla bitches! So, Brittany can't post today, she is too busy cowering in a dark room with toothpaste on her face, so in her place, is yours truly, her blemish.  Aka, biggest motherfucking zit ever. I didn't start out this big.  At first, I was all calm and subtle, but then Brittany had to be a … [Read More...]

Holy 1983

I am the mom of two boys. Sure, before my first, I may have dreamed about a gaggle of little girls. We'd play dress up, do each others hair, have girls nights out, shop for wedding dresses...but then, we found out we were having a boy, and then another boy, and my pink dreams kinda fizzled … [Read More...]

The Worst Thing About Oral Hygiene.

Hi folks! I am super busy ovulating today, but I just wanted to stop in and share a few things with you, then it's back to the grind, and by grind, I know. 1. I grew up with dogs. My mom is into dogs. My brother has dogs. I have a dog. In my lifetime we have raised and … [Read More...]

A letter to myself

Because I am feeling very zen and therapeutic at the moment (or that could totally be the xanax talking), I decided to write a letter to myself at age 18. Obviously, this was not that long ago for me, ahem, but it is none the less relevant to my inner growth I am drinking wine and … [Read More...]

Since when did the sun get so…sunny?

Sorry for skipping out on you, folks. I was busy. And by busy, I mean hungover...and bloated...and also trying to avoid maintaining an upright position for any period of time.This weekend we celebrated my little brother Adam's birthday (Happy Birthday Addy!) the only way we know how, a big bonfire … [Read More...]

Like the village bicycle…

Yep, friends, I get around.Today I am trying my hand at some mommy-esque blogging (yikes, feels weird and sober and tingly) and shacking up with The Mom Crowd, which is a site you all should be familiar with since it is on my blog roll, and as I am sure you are all aware, my blog roll reads like … [Read More...]

My sanity…and jello.

There is a reason I stay at home and deal with the majority of people through a computer screen. I am a psycho.Seriously, I have no idea how anyone can stand to be with me for any length of time, unless they are drunk, and then I seem normal, and more quirky cute than quirky fucking weird, so to … [Read More...]