The Dating Game

I think we balance our friend and parent hats really well. That's not to say we aren't shit at canceling at the last minute due to sitter issues or fevers or projectile vomit or sometimes absolute exhaustion and a lack of clean pants, but when we are present, we're fucking awesome. We don't pull out our phones and show off pictures of our kids, we don't tell poop stories, we only give updates when asked. It's not because we don't adore our children, because we do, they are the raddest … [Continue reading...]

The Rib of Man.

This might be somewhat controversial, but as an amateur part-time scientist, it's my job to, like, hypothesize and think about stuff that the average person may not think of because they're too distracted by things like "debt ceilings" and "Google Plus." Every week my church sends out a newsletter, basically going over what was covered at Mass the previous Sunday, on the off chance you missed it because you were still in bed having sex dreams about Peter Dinklage.  It's like the here's what … [Continue reading...]

Backed Up.

When people find out I delivered my children naturally, which is often because I put it as one of my skills on my LinkedIn profile, under french braiding and making up words that I think sound Dutch, they always ask me how badly it hurt. Whether it's a giddy and delusional first time mom to be, or an experienced mom of four wondering if she missed out on one of life's most natural processes by being doped up to her eyeballs as she pushed merrily away, oblivious to the fact that her vagina was … [Continue reading...]

Can you make a circle of trust with only three people? Or does that just make a triangle of mental illness?

When we were younger, my brother and I took the bus after school to our babysitter's house.  Her name was Brenda, she'd been doing this for twenty years, she was the meanest woman I knew, and we'd stay there until 5 o'clock Monday through Friday, unless something wonderful happened, like the chicken pox or an around the clock vomiting stomach virus that would require my mom to take the day off from work. Brenda lived in a split level house, and corralled the children, there were five of us, … [Continue reading...]

The Marriage Sermon.

In order to get married in the Catholic church, you have to complete pre-marital counseling.  I think that's pretty typical as far as religions go, this sort of antiquated attempt to prepare couples for the commitment, importance, and work involved in maintaining a successful marriage. Or as Catholics call it, this is how making babies works! My church takes the mandatory counseling sessions, and jams them all into a two-day overnight Pre-Marital Retreat. It's like Burning Man except … [Continue reading...]