Contagious But Organized

Erin Condren Planner

Ever have the type of stomach virus that renders every poor schmuck that¬†comes to your door a potential caretaker? "I just threw up so hard toilet water splashed up and hit my face and I pooped in my shorts, what should I do?" I asked, holding a towel to my cheek. … [Read More...]

Blizzardy

I am going to try and make this as coherent as possible. Which is hard, I have lots to do, but am too hungry to do it....plus Henry the pug is snoring so damn loud, and I keep throwing paper clips at him, but he is ignoring me and I think my head may explode. Fuck! I just tried sticking my … [Read More...]

Corner office, flying shrimp

This is a true story of 7 strangers, picked to eat together at a hibachi grill and catch shrimp in their mouths, to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start being real...and by real, I mean totally try and talk you and your husband into swinging with them.So, my brilliant, … [Read More...]

Totally not dead on the side of the road somewhere.

Holy crap.It's Saturday!?How did I not post all week?What was I doing?Thinking back...um...lots of Mexican food...putting rubber bands on all my jeans because they won't button anymore...not cleaning...not paying my student loans...lots of those hard to find cherry flavored things that look like … [Read More...]

Hot pants.

Ya know what, Target guy, I know I look like a crazy person pushing a cart of screaming boys, wearing a black turtleneck sweater, red booty shorts with "HO HO HO" on the butt, and black boots with knee high Hello Kitty socks, but listen to me, look into my eyes, if you don't go in the back and tell … [Read More...]

Steak Marinade

Few things in the world get me laid faster than a well cooked steak....especially when made for dinner on the eve of an OSU game. Such a overlapping of wonderment occurred this Saturday, as I feel the need to check into my chore chart of wifely duties on a semi bi-monthly basis. So, red meat, … [Read More...]

Woozy.

Hello.What's with the shaking and convulsing, you ask?Oh you know, just the after effects of my morning starvation diet in preparation for my 1 hour of fuckinghell glucose test.Not familiar?Oh, it's what us pregnant types do to make sure we don't get gestational diabetes, so that I may guiltlessly … [Read More...]

In no particular order…

1. Pft. I am a tough sell. I've known this for a while, but after your 8374756382940 Dear John letters, it starts to hit a nerve. Bottom line. I curse too much, use lewd language, and set a tone that generally doesn't jive with most publication standards. Especially of the mommy … [Read More...]

It’s alive!

I woke up today and realized I can't remember the last time I brushed my kid's teeth. Or shaved under my arms. Or, for that matter, left the house. But, my hair looks fierce, in that tousled Vicky Secret kind of way, and my boobs are way hot. I totally need to vacuum though. And maybe … [Read More...]

Gloria Steinem come punch me in the face now.

They came to shut my water off today. Which was annoying, as I was all curled up on the couch watching CNN for the latest on the Travis Barker/ DJ AM plane crash saga (which CNN kept interrupting with all this "filler" about terrorist bombings and gas shortages...hello, we want the real news, … [Read More...]

Grounded until your water breaks.

Yesterday I had my first appointment with the nurse, the one where she rattles of a million medieval diseases, I nod no to them all, she gives me a captain's log worth of blood work scripts, and sends me on my way with a huge bag full of free shit...which is the only reason I got knocked up in the … [Read More...]