What I Really Say To Your Husband

Ladies, your husbands are emailing me. Repeatedly. You may or may not have any idea this is happening. It's probably while you're in the shower, or after you go to bed. Or maybe when you think they're texting a co-worker on the couch, or in the bathroom on their iPads. … [Read More...]

Halloween, the morning after

How do I know it was a good night? I woke up this morning with what looked like a a piece of poop in my bra, but in reality, was a chunk of Twix bar from the 20 I had devoured over the course of last night. That's how I measure success these days, by how many random objects I find stuck to my … [Read More...]

Trippy

I am home. We are home. Everyone is home...even that skanky sippy cup full of milk I left on the counter before we left, it's here too. On the plus side, I am relieved to still have the freedom to roam around my house, not addressing the stinking sippy of rotting whole milk, as 8ish days in … [Read More...]

Home!

Thank. Fucking. God. 2 day car trip...both ways? Never again. I completely plan to write something of relevance tomorrow morning, but tonight I must address more pressing matters, like regaining the feeling in my ass, and reminding my husband we so aren't doing it tonight...for reasons … [Read More...]

South Bound

Brunette.  On vacation. With the inlaws. Where the word tuchas flows like wine and Dr. Phil is king.  More to follow... COPYRIGHT BAREFOOT FOODIE 2009 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior … [Read More...]

Blizzardy

I am going to try and make this as coherent as possible. Which is hard, I have lots to do, but am too hungry to do it....plus Henry the pug is snoring so damn loud, and I keep throwing paper clips at him, but he is ignoring me and I think my head may explode. Fuck! I just tried sticking my … [Read More...]

Corner office, flying shrimp

This is a true story of 7 strangers, picked to eat together at a hibachi grill and catch shrimp in their mouths, to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start being real...and by real, I mean totally try and talk you and your husband into swinging with them.So, my brilliant, … [Read More...]

Totally not dead on the side of the road somewhere.

Holy crap.It's Saturday!?How did I not post all week?What was I doing?Thinking back...um...lots of Mexican food...putting rubber bands on all my jeans because they won't button anymore...not cleaning...not paying my student loans...lots of those hard to find cherry flavored things that look like … [Read More...]

Hot pants.

Ya know what, Target guy, I know I look like a crazy person pushing a cart of screaming boys, wearing a black turtleneck sweater, red booty shorts with "HO HO HO" on the butt, and black boots with knee high Hello Kitty socks, but listen to me, look into my eyes, if you don't go in the back and tell … [Read More...]

Steak Marinade

Few things in the world get me laid faster than a well cooked steak....especially when made for dinner on the eve of an OSU game. Such a overlapping of wonderment occurred this Saturday, as I feel the need to check into my chore chart of wifely duties on a semi bi-monthly basis. So, red meat, … [Read More...]

Woozy.

Hello.What's with the shaking and convulsing, you ask?Oh you know, just the after effects of my morning starvation diet in preparation for my 1 hour of fuckinghell glucose test.Not familiar?Oh, it's what us pregnant types do to make sure we don't get gestational diabetes, so that I may guiltlessly … [Read More...]