I didn't forget to put this up officially on Father's Day. I was just too caught up in celebrating my husband yesterday...with BBQ ribs and hand jobs. But, I did write this post for him in a totally timely fashion, so that the world can know that he is completely awesome, and his kids adore … [Read More...]
So, six weeks ago, this little piece of girly yumminess popped out of me.
Ok, not so much popped, as exploded out, leaving in her wake, total and utter vaginal destruction. But I'd hate for the horrific reality to overshadow her cuteness.
Regardless of the gory details, she's here.
And for … [Read More...]
Five days ago today, I asked my husband to mail out a package for me.
It' s just hard for me to get out these days.
Unless it's for burritos riddled with guacamole.
Or any food, really.
But, mundane tasks that don't involve a drive through are just a bit too much for me … [Read More...]
Ok, so you know when yo
Sorry, I just blacked out.
30 Day Shred is kicking my ass.
I am starting with level 2, hoping to bump this whole charade to something more along the lines of a 15ish Day Shred.
But, it's totally hard, and by the time I am done with the 20 … [Read More...]
Rule of the universe #485748...You will always look like crap when you run into your ex-boyfriends mom in Target.
While you are there shopping for hemoroid cream, maxi pads and giganatic brief cut underwear.
And, you totally want to tell her you just had a baby, and your hair isn't … [Read More...]
I love giving things that I love away.
Not the exact item that I personally own.
But, like, a replica.
There are some things you shouldn't get second hand.
This is one of them.
That being said, if you call me daughter, sister, granddaughter, daughter in law, or if you distribute … [Read More...]
Yesterday I had to go to a wake for an older family member. A great aunt, I think?
How horrid is that?
I guess I didn't really know her as well as I probably should have.
But, that is one of the perks of having an agoraphobic father...free pass to skip all the family … [Read More...]
So, ok, first things first.
Looky, presh-us tiny baby gurl, lovely cheekies, wittle baby fin-gurs, num num num.
We are now officially two weeks in. Let's review.
1. Baby vagina...totally creepy.
Ok so, I have a vagina of my own. I know what it kinda-ish looks like.
I drank and … [Read More...]
You know those places in town that call themselves health spas, but everyone knows they are totally whore houses?
I mean, what kind of health spa sets up shop in an old bait shop and puts bars and black out shades on every window?
You're not fooling anyone, secret hookers!
Holy crap, I love … [Read More...]
So, I had a baby.
And she's lovely, and wonderful, and she smells like fairy dust and cookies.
She is delicious.
I could eat her.
Childbirth was magical.
My body became an embodiment of the soul of mother nature, my insides twisting and … [Read More...]