Dear Husband,

May 18, 2008

You are never around anymore, as the weather is beautiful, and you have since moved on to your summer home at the golf green, so I decided to write you this letter to keep you up to date on the haps (I heard it on Teen Disney, pretty hip, huh), since I know you secretly […]

Read the full article →

Which is hotter…mini van or refurbished school bus?

May 14, 2008

As I laid in bed this morning, teetering on the edge of a mattress holding two toddlers, a pug and a husband, my first thought was…what the fuck. My youngest is completely sweated to my side, the oldest is horizontal across the middle of the bed, and both the dog and husband are snoring so […]

Read the full article →

Beans don’t burn on the grill…

May 13, 2008

Woot! Just going to give a big ‘ole shoutout to alltop.com. Thanks for featuring me at http://humor.alltop.com/ . If you haven’t been there, you should check it out, it’s brilliant….and not just because I am featured there…although that helps…I apparently have an ego issue, folks…and it likes to be stroked…what can I say. Big head […]

Read the full article →

I need a cold steak and some advil

May 13, 2008

Things that hurt when you are hit across the face with them… metal measuring cupsa whiska rolling pina garlic press(Can you tell I didn’t child proof my gadget drawer in the kitchen???)a box of swiffer wet jet padsa tape dispenserthe mouse as it is swung around by the cordthe stick I used to flick the […]

Read the full article →

You can sleep when you’re dead.

May 12, 2008

Things I’ve learned about children’s birthday parties…. 1. Yes, in real life, a road is black. However, in terms of a cake, a road of black frosting is not a good idea. Unless, that is, you don’t mind looking like hobo on Halloween with cheap tooth black out wax. Nothing like 100 pictures of family […]

Read the full article →

Jumping Jack Flash…is in no way realted to this post, I just like the song.

May 9, 2008

Pulse? Check. I am still here folks. A girl can’t leave the cyber world for a few days without returning to a rash of urgent emails from friends and family fearing the worst. A possible mass bird abduction? Death by beaking? Alas no. Just utterly busy. And, because I know you like it, in no […]

Read the full article →

Bastards.

May 6, 2008

Phase II: Get the guns and fireworks, Drum! COPYRIGHT BAREFOOT FOODIE 2009 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.

Read the full article →

Owls. They’re a hoot.

May 5, 2008

First off, we have a big bird problem. Um…not so much a Big Bird problem. More like a big ass bird problem. The end of our driveway sits under a huge tree. We were initially excited about this, as our cars would be shaded and cool in the hot summer months. Turns out, that shade […]

Read the full article →

I think I spend 75% of my life on my knees.

May 3, 2008

Scrubbing, diapering, tying shoes, kissing hurt knees, kissing…other things. And, it is this realization that brings me to this post. There is a portion of my birthday that I haven’t discussed yet. I needed to let enough time pass for the wounds to heal before I thrust the issue out for public fodder. My gorgeous […]

Read the full article →

A tourniquet and a mango smoothie

May 2, 2008

I think, as a rule, hemophiliacs should not be allowed to work with mangos. Besides being absolutely delicious and healthy…mangos are slippery. Like, jello wrestling slippery (ahhh…college). And, even though I had been warned of this, by pretty much everyone I spoke to, I still underestimated the potential danger of a slick fruit and a […]

Read the full article →