I know, I just get back here and boom, I'm sorta gone again.
But to be fair, I have a really good reason. My second novel just came back with final edits and I have two weeks to complete them and I need to breath into my paper bag. … [Read More...]
When I order chinese take out.
They always put two forks in the bag.
As in, I have ordered the amount of food that would take two normal people to eat.
But, there's not two people.
There's only me.
It's just that, I like egg rolls. And MSG.
I know you not.
I … [Read More...]
My 10 year high school reunion is 2 months away, and with that date hanging ominously over my head, it's hard to come up with a post that doesn't touch on how incredibly old I feel these days, and how that aforementioned oldness is effecting my life. I would like to think that I am still as awesome … [Read More...]
My husband's car overheated on the way to work. He pulled over, got out, opened the hood, and liquid from some hole in the engine-ish area exploded, like, all over. And then, some douche bag totally clipped his car as it sat on the side of the road.
It was super scary.
But not what this … [Read More...]
Originally posted on Aiming Low, reposted here for posterity.
I hate garage sales.
The picking through of people's belongings makes me want to vomit.
I'm not a snob, I just don't like haggling with people over their memories.
Plus, I'm a germophobe who judges people based on the crap … [Read More...]
As a general rule that probably doesn't exist anywhere outside my own head, I like to assume that I am smarter than people who are skinnier or prettier than I am.
If your pants size is one number and you are so skinny I can read the serial number on your breast implants? I fucking own you, … [Read More...]
I tried to think of, like, a super inspiring post to cover the details of my life over the course of the last week.
But I'm so tired.
When I open my mouth, nothing brilliant comes out. Just...bllleeerrrrrggggg.
And what the fuck does that even mean?
So, I'm gonna go out on a limb here, … [Read More...]
Oh hai, vasectomy check-in admissions lady.
I got dressed in the dark to be here today.
My hair is a rat's nest and I am wearing a leopard print bra under my white tank top and some juicy sweatpants.
Not that it's your job or anything, but a little advance warning would have … [Read More...]
Originally posted elsewhere, re-posted here for posterity.
I remember in college, one of the tips they gave you in regards to interviewing out in the real world was, when your potential future employer asks you to name some of your weaknesses, be creative.
Instead of saying my weaknesses … [Read More...]
I am confused about the stigma men have concerning vasectomies.
I mean, I get that any instance in which their junk is manhandled in a non sexual context is unpleasant, but, I get my junk handled all the time, sometimes by doctors, sometimes by clumsy medical students, sometimes by nosey dogs on … [Read More...]
Originally posted on the website Aiming Low, reposted here for posterity.
I think every mother has an internal struggle rectifying their pre-child and post-child lives.
We are expected to seamlessly morph from Playboy Bunny to June Cleaver the second the head crowns. Exchanging selfish for … [Read More...]