Boys are Disgusting.

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When I first started dating my husband in high school, we were rarely at his house.  His room was impeccably clean and done up in some kitschy Oakland Raiders motif, and I couldn't even mock it because, at the time, I had no idea the Oakland Raiders sucked, and I just assumed it was totally normal for high school boys to have poofy window valances featuring their favorite football teams. His family eventually moved 20 minutes away his senior year of high school, and he was put it what he … [Continue reading...]

My love affair with TED.

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You know when you get married, and everyone tells you to slow down and enjoy the day so that it doesn't pass you by, and the next thing you know, you are in it, and then it's over, and you are waking up the next morning still in your wedding dress with beer stains around the bottom and a chicken running around your bedroom thinking...wait...what the hell just happened and why does it smell like something is on fire in here? That is the absolute best way I can describe speaking at … [Continue reading...]

Let’s get Uncomfortable About Finances!

Last week, Andy and I had dinner with a group of acquaintances, and somehow the topic strayed into money, which I hate, because whether you have a lot of it or a little of it, I honestly don't care. Unless you owe me some. In which case, please pay me.  Or buy me a few packs of Huggies Pull-Ups. I want to live in a world where diapers are currency, because I'd be rich. Plus they aren't biodegradable so we might as well use them for something. I've just solved Global Warming, you … [Continue reading...]

New Three Martinis In, Ya’ll!

TMI New Episodes Available

The latest episodes of the provocative, lush-fest that is Three Martinis In are up! Click here to listen to Episodes 7, 8 and 9. We cover the OKCupid! rape debacle, wtf is klout, my unapologetic love of Steve Guttenberg, why marriage sex sucks, our weird ass fears, and then Meredith mocks my clothes and does impersonations of me that resemble the guy who played the mom in Hair Spray. 15k listeners and growing, TMI is now available on iTunes! Disclaimer: These are not safe for work.  If you … [Continue reading...]

Lost in Translation

I feel like I should ask you to go to Korea with me. Well, this sounds like it's about to get heartfelt and romantic, go on. It's just that I know you are afraid to fly. There's lots of things I don't like to do but do anyways, Andy.  Like fellatio. The end goal is sometimes worth the hell it takes to get there. I think that's a quote from the Bible...or Gary Busey. The end goal of fellatio being...love? No, you watching House Hunters International with me without complaining. Do you want … [Continue reading...]