As a general rule that probably doesn't exist anywhere outside my own head, I like to assume that I am smarter than people who are skinnier or prettier than I am.
If your pants size is one number and you are so skinny I can read the serial number on your breast implants? I fucking own you, … [Read More...]
I tried to think of, like, a super inspiring post to cover the details of my life over the course of the last week.
But I'm so tired.
When I open my mouth, nothing brilliant comes out. Just...bllleeerrrrrggggg.
And what the fuck does that even mean?
So, I'm gonna go out on a limb here, … [Read More...]
Oh hai, vasectomy check-in admissions lady.
I got dressed in the dark to be here today.
My hair is a rat's nest and I am wearing a leopard print bra under my white wife beater and some juicy sweatpants.
Not that it's your job or anything, but a little advance warning would have … [Read More...]
Originally posted elsewhere, re-posted here for posterity.
I remember in college, one of the tips they gave you in regards to interviewing out in the real world was, when your potential future employer asks you to name some of your weaknesses, be creative.
Instead of saying my weaknesses … [Read More...]
I am confused about the stigma men have concerning vasectomies.
I mean, I get that any instance in which their junk is manhandled in a non sexual context is unpleasant, but, I get my junk handled all the time, sometimes by doctors, sometimes by clumsy medical students, sometimes by nosey dogs on … [Read More...]
Originally posted on the website Aiming Low, reposted here for posterity.
I think every mother has an internal struggle rectifying their pre-child and post-child lives.
We are expected to seamlessly morph from Playboy Bunny to June Cleaver the second the head crowns. Exchanging selfish for … [Read More...]
OMG, how excited are you to come here and read about how I totally made out with another girl at this all girls summer camp I worked at?
It was sooo hot.
But, this post isn't about that.
It's about Transformers 2. And why it can suck my dick.
Here's the thing. I don't like Megan Fox. … [Read More...]
It's hot, so when it comes to dinner, I like to keep things cold, quick and fresh. And if it can compliment whatever slab of meat I toss on the grill? Bonus.
This salad is super easy, it looks amazing, you can make it the night before (which I recommend, as it tastes even better!), and I can … [Read More...]
The season of self tanner and cellulite cream. Spanx and double chin distracting highlights. Cold beer and bonfires.
Everything I love and hate...all wrapped into one hot, sticky, pain in the ass season.
My biggest summer issues...besides being freakishly concerned that every … [Read More...]
Sometimes in life, there are things that just go together.
Lucy and Ethel. Red Bull and Cheetos. Ying and Yang. Tango and Cash.
Everybody knows this stuff.
And, in life, you are lucky if you find the ying to your yang. The Ethel to your Lucy.
One thing that so compliments you, it's … [Read More...]