What I Really Say To Your Husband

Ladies, your husbands are emailing me. Repeatedly. You may or may not have any idea this is happening. It's probably while you're in the shower, or after you go to bed. Or maybe when you think they're texting a co-worker on the couch, or in the bathroom on their iPads. … [Read More...]

Will birth for food…or like, something else totally cool.

Four days since my last post? Yikes. I was just skimming someone else's blog roll (because you can tell tons about a person from the shit on her blogroll), and there I was, at the bottom, last post, 4 long ass days ago. But, in my defense, I have been super busy doing grown up stuff...and by grown … [Read More...]

Sometimes life only figuratively stinks. This is not one of those times.

I have a love/hate relationship with karma. On one hand, I am all about it rearing it's ugly fist when this old lady took the last Expectant Mother parking spot in front of Babies R Us the other day, and I was all, what the crap, you are old, not pregnant! Karma, you better go after this selfish … [Read More...]

My hips don’t lie.

I don't know what my problem is. I'm pregnant. How is that I keep forgetting that when I go to do super important things like buy beer or kicking the ass of the lady in the make up aisle at Target for completely cock-blocking the mascara section. It is absolutely annoying, because the only make … [Read More...]

Two unrelated topics that bug me in equally irrelevant ways

First off, I actually opted out of watching Big Love live tonight so that I could watch the circus that is the Josh Duggar wedding.I am most amazed, not by the walking, long haired uterus of steel, but by the bride to be.There are two types of people in this world. People who look like sluts on … [Read More...]

Me, raw.

Rough, I know. But honest. These days, this is me. Ok, kinda a blurry dirty mirror kind of me, but me none the less. Snarly hair. Black yoga pants. Tank Tops. This is as good as it gets, folks. Poor husband. I have already given him my complete permission to call Stacy and Clinton of What … [Read More...]

How I earned 4 more weeks of bed rest, aka, why your kids should never be in a position to look inside your vagina.

First off, thanks to all of you who said such nice things (and even sent wonderful emails, CaJoh!)in regards to my husband being laid off. Unfortunately, it's not an uncommon occurrence these days, especially in my area. We are lucky, in that he hasn't lost his job, but is off work for a few … [Read More...]

Buffalo Chicken Soup

I have been tossing around the idea of a buffalo chicken soup for a while now. Lord knows, I love my buffalo wings, but they are super greasy and the little bones make for a big choking hazard for little hands, so I needed to get my fix, and also pretend I was eating something healthier than wings. … [Read More...]

I obviously need some sort of hobby.

It's that time of my pregnancy folks!  Time for the crazies to take over, for my friends to stop taking my calls, for you all to wonder why the fuck you keep coming back here to read anything I write because I am a disgusting, disgusting psycho, and for my husband to wish he had never poked … [Read More...]

My mother’s daughter.

You would think that with me sitting stagnant on the couch, I would just spend oodles of time blogging. Turns out...life's not so exciting on the couch. Hmpf. I had all these grand ideas, like reading and writing and painting my toenails this super cute dark red trampy color I got the other … [Read More...]

Greetings from the couch.

Bed rest can suck it.Apparently, my blood pressure was high at my appointment yesterday, and that, along with some very annoyingly constant cramping, has sounded an alarm, and I have been restricted to couch duty until my re-check next week.So, I am doing my mothering and wifing from the couch this … [Read More...]