Eleven Days

When I say things like, oh 11 days isn't very long, in my head, it makes sense. Because 11 days isn't very long.  It's not even two weeks. I've been constipated and on crash diets that have lasted longer than that. But when I pulled up to the departures terminal, and he got out of the car and opened the back gate to grab his bag, it felt like forever. I met him on the sidewalk in tears and hugged him so tight, I thought if maybe I could just latch on to him hard enough, he wouldn't … [Continue reading...]

Brittany Learns to Share.

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The year they launched gmail, I bought Brittany an invite off ebay for $5.  Since then, she has taken great joy in emailing me her streams of consciousness multiple times a day while I am at work and unable to field her constant phone calls. The other day, she found out I saved a lot of them because I think they are weird, and I can't delete what may one day be evidence.  So she posted one and she received enough positive reinforcement from it, that she decided I could have my own section … [Continue reading...]


This is  a totally true story, though I changed the name of the person involved so I don't get assassinated or my voter card taken away, if they even do that, I'm not sure, but I think really stupid people vote all the time, so I should probably be fine.  Plus, wouldn't the REAL punishment NOT being able to vote?  (I said that last part for my dad.  Michele Bachmann scares him.) No one was ever super sure what my gifts were. My dad always said he had a hunch. (It took years for me to … [Continue reading...]

Brittany & Meredith Live…All New

If you didn't listen live last night, and really, why the hell not, you missed hilarity, brilliance, and me... recreating Meredith having sex using her weird Fargo-like accent. Click here to check out Episode 2 of Brittany & Meredith Live or download it from iTunes. Click here to like us on Facebook Click here to follow us on Twitter These episodes are Not Safe For Work.  Which means if you listen to them, and get fired, call me so I can tell you I told you so.  Andy never let's me say … [Continue reading...]

Boys are Disgusting.


When I first started dating my husband in high school, we were rarely at his house.  His room was impeccably clean and done up in some kitschy Oakland Raiders motif, and I couldn't even mock it because, at the time, I had no idea the Oakland Raiders sucked, and I just assumed it was totally normal for high school boys to have poofy window valances featuring their favorite football teams. His family eventually moved 20 minutes away his senior year of high school, and he was put it what he … [Continue reading...]