My Bikini Summer

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"Complete honesty?" Andy asked, smooshed beside me in the closet. "Yup." "I can't wait until the whole diaper bottom thing is done." … [Read More...]

Girl on girl.

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OMG, how excited are you to come here and read about how I totally made out with another girl at this all girls summer camp I worked at? It was sooo hot. But, this post isn't about that. It's about Transformers 2.  And why it can suck my dick. Here's the thing.  I don't like Megan Fox.  … [Read More...]

Lemon Thyme Potato Salad

It's hot, so when it comes to dinner, I like to keep things cold, quick and fresh.  And if it can compliment whatever slab of meat I toss on the grill?  Bonus. This salad is super easy, it looks amazing, you can make it the night before (which I recommend, as it tastes even better!), and I can … [Read More...]

Summer

Summer time. The season of self tanner and cellulite cream.  Spanx and double chin distracting highlights.  Cold beer and bonfires. Everything I love and hate...all wrapped into one hot, sticky, pain in the ass season. My biggest summer issues...besides being freakishly concerned that every … [Read More...]

Cheers!

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Sometimes in life, there are things that just go together. Lucy and Ethel.  Red Bull and Cheetos.  Ying and Yang.   Tango and Cash. Everybody knows this stuff. And, in life, you are lucky if you find the ying to your yang.  The Ethel to your Lucy. One thing that so compliments you, it's … [Read More...]

Daddy

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I didn't forget to put this up officially on Father's Day.  I was just too caught up in celebrating my husband yesterday...with BBQ ribs and hand jobs.  But, I did write this post for him in a totally timely fashion, so that the world can know that he is completely awesome, and his kids adore … [Read More...]

Afterbirth

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So, six weeks ago, this little piece of girly yumminess popped out of me. Ok, not so much popped, as exploded out, leaving in her wake, total and utter vaginal destruction. But I'd hate for the horrific reality to overshadow her cuteness. Regardless of the gory details, she's here. And for … [Read More...]

Extra postage.

Five days ago today, I asked my husband to mail out a package for me.  It' s just hard for me to get out these days. Unless it's for burritos riddled with guacamole. Or milkshakes. Or any food, really. But, mundane tasks that don't involve a drive through are just a bit too much for … [Read More...]

Let’s all make a list of things I can’t fit into right now, while I cry and get drunk. It’ll be super fun.

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 Ok, so you know when yo .......... Um. Sorry, I just blacked out. 30 Day Shred is kicking my ass. I am starting with level 2, hoping to bump this whole charade to something more along the lines of a 15ish Day Shred. But, it's totally hard, and by the time I am done with the 20 … [Read More...]

I look and smell disgusting, but normally I am a total hottie.

Rule of the universe #485748...You will always look like crap when you run into your ex-boyfriends mom in Target. While you are there shopping for hemoroid cream, maxi pads and giganatic brief cut underwear. Always. And, you totally want to tell her you just had a baby, and your hair isn't … [Read More...]

Giveaway, Freebie, Fun, Fun, Fun!

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I love giving things that I love away. Not the exact item that I personally own. But, like, a replica. There are some things you shouldn't get second hand. This is one of them. That being said, if you call me daughter, sister, granddaughter, daughter in law, or if you distribute … [Read More...]